


Coming Out

by thanku4urlove



Series: Canon-verse [1]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: (so many phone calls), Bullying, Character Study, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Kissing, M/M, Phone Calls, Pining, Romance, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, sexuality discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-07 15:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanku4urlove/pseuds/thanku4urlove
Summary: It's the end of 2007. Inoo Kei is seventeen, and just debuted with nine other boys in Johnny's Entertainment's new group "Hey! Say! JUMP". He's a bit nervous, and a bit overwhelmed, and thinks he might be developing a bit of a crush on his bandmate, Takaki Yuya. It's embarrassing when Takaki finds out, but Inoo is sure that the crush isn't going to go anywhere. They aren't really that close, and Takaki says he's straight, and it's just a little bit of affection. It'll go away. Right?About phone calls, first experiences, and falling in love.
Relationships: Inoo Kei/Takaki Yuya
Series: Canon-verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1546990
Comments: 10
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired completely by Inoo in 2017 telling the rest of the group about he and Takaki's secret phone calls. It's supposed to more or less take place in real life ("canon", if you will) but the only set things in it are dates of single releases, album releases, and tour dates. I didn't take the time to read over old interviews and stuff like that to make sure everything lined up, so if there are some conflicting details, please pretend that this is just a very-close-to-"canon" AU. Thanks!  
Comments are awesome, and I can be reached on twitter @sudamasochist if you wanna talk!

“What did you want to ask me?” 

Daiki was looking at Inoo expectantly, and his anticipation had Inoo biting down on the side of his tongue. The question was embarrassing, full of implications that he knew Daiki wouldn’t approve of. But Inoo’s thoughts hadn’t been leaving him alone, and wouldn’t leave him alone until he asked Daiki the question, so he just swallowed and went for it anyway.

“What do you know about Takaki?” 

Daiki’s eyebrows went up his forehead.

“Like, Takaki Yuya?” 

“No Daiki, that other Takaki. That other Takaki that we both know.” The sarcasm wasn’t exactly called for, but hearing himself ask the question had brought this whole conversation sharply into focus. He was asking Daiki about Takaki Yuya, another teenage boy that had just debuted with them as the new Japanese idol group sensation _ Hey! Say! JUMP _. A boy that Inoo now shared the spotlight with, along with eight others, all of them barely knowing what they were doing. A group that was having news stories written about them near constantly. This was such a bad, bad idea.

“Why…” Daiki didn’t react to Inoo’s smart-mouthed response, simply frowning. “We were all in J. J. Express together. Why are you asking me this?”

“I mean, we didn’t really talk to each other much.” Inoo was dodging the real reason, and he knew Daiki could tell, but that wasn’t going to stop him from doing it anyway. “You were in that Hey! Say! 7 thing with him, and you’re good at talking to people. I just… I don’t know, I’m curious about what he’s like.”

Only one of Daiki’s eyebrows was raised now, and he crossed his arms, leaning against the wall behind them. The two of them were alone together in a hallway at work, early to their group dance practice but not wanting to enter the practice room until absolutely necessary. Daiki’s expression was turning disapproving. 

“This is a bad idea.” Was all he said, and Inoo knew he’d been had. He tried hard to push down the nervous urge to begin some defensive floundering. 

“I’m not _ interested, _I just--” 

“You asked me about him. You’re trying to find out things about him without just talking to him yourself. That’s the definition of interested.”

“Yeah, but I don’t…” Inoo trailed off. He had been about to say some variation of “I don’t think he’s attractive”, but that was a flat-out lie, and Inoo couldn’t lie to Daiki. He didn’t want to. It was the reason that Daiki--and only Daiki--knew that Inoo was gay, and that he hated his high school, and that his childhood role model was Sailor Neptune.

“Inoo, we’re like… Famous.” Daiki said. Not as an excited declaration, but a warning, and Inoo sighed. 

“I know! I know. I’m not planning on like… Doing anything.” Inoo looked down at his feet, swinging his leg, letting the back of one shoe hit the front of the other. “I just think he’s cute, I guess. I don’t know. He seems really nice.”

“Takaki is nice, but…” 

“I know.” Inoo said again. And he did, really, he understood; they were idols. He couldn’t afford to be too open, or do anything sabotaging, or take any risks. He wasn’t naive enough to think that Takaki would be into him, or ever would be, but still. He couldn’t help it. “I might be getting a crush on him, that’s all.” 

It wasn’t anything solid, or anything strong. He’d just begun to notice that something warm sparked inside him when Takaki glanced his way. That he liked the way Takaki looked when he smiled. That his laugh sounded nice. He’d noticed the cute, innocent way Takaki interacted with Chinen, and the inflection his voice had on some words or phrases thanks to being born in Osaka. It was nothing deep or serious, but Inoo wanted to know if Takaki really was as nice as he seemed to be. 

Daiki still hadn’t answered, and his pause was enough to pull Inoo from his own embarrassment, fully prepared to see Daiki’s “I’m-sorry-you-fell-for-a-straight-boy” sympathy smile when he looked up. He’d gotten the expression a few times over the course of his high school experience. 

But Daiki wasn’t looking at him. He was looking past Inoo, over Inoo’s shoulder, and while Inoo knew stomachs were supposed to have a bottom, he couldn’t feel his anymore. He knew exactly what--who--he would be faced with before he’d even finished turning around. 

Takaki Yuya was standing behind him. The expression on his face told Inoo that he’d heard everything; or, at least, he’d heard the parts that mattered. It was too late for Inoo to deny the words, or try to play them off. Takaki knew that Inoo liked him, that Inoo liked _ boys, _something that nobody else but Daiki knew. And he and Takaki weren’t even really friends. 

Inoo had his mouth open a little, trying to think of something to say, but he didn’t end up getting the chance. Yabu stuck his head out the practice room door, glancing at the three of them. 

“We’re starting practice now.” He said. Relief was obvious as it washed over Takaki’s expression, breaking the eye contact he’d been holding with Inoo and dashing inside. Shame was prickling hotly over Inoo’s skin, and he knew that the sympathy would be on Daiki’s face now. Wanting nothing less than to see it, Inoo avoided Daiki’s eyes too, and practice began. 

All ten of them were friendly with each other. They all had met before they debuted as a unit, and had worked together in TV appearances and performances. Nobody had been a stranger, and even the one that Inoo had interacted with the least--Okamoto Keito, the boy more British than Japanese, but trying his best--wasn’t difficult to talk to. Inoo was relatively confident in his ability to get along with any of his new groupmates one-on-one, and when they were all together it was easy enough to catch someone’s attention to say something, or fade into the backdrop if he didn’t feel like speaking. They were all floundering in the business of show-biz, sure, but they were doing it together. 

Despite this friendliness and togetherness, for the next week, Inoo couldn’t even make eye contact with Takaki Yuya. 

Inoo wasn’t avoiding him. Not exactly; not actively. Takaki just had people in the group that he was closer with, and Inoo did too. Takaki wasn’t trying hard to interact with him, and Inoo didn’t have to do much to stay away. While Inoo didn’t have much reason to think Takaki would hate him, or tell people about the way he’d blurted a coming out-confession combo, he didn’t have reason to think Takaki _ wouldn’t _ go around telling people either. Even thinking about it filled Inoo with a stomach-turning concoction of nerves. 

Inoo had been avoiding Takaki so well that it came as a shock when, at a quick water break during practice roughly a week after the incident, Takaki reached out and touched Inoo’s arm. Inoo jumped, and Takaki took a step back. 

“What?” Inoo asked, the surprise making the question much sharper than he’d intended. 

“Nothing.” Takaki said, the word sounding automatic. It must have been, because he backtracked on it instantly. “No, actually, I… Can we talk?”

Inoo glanced around. Yabu and Hikaru were already pulling the fourteen year-olds back into focus to continue rehearsing. 

“Now?” 

“Not now.” Takaki said the words like it was obvious. “Like… Later. After practice?”

Inoo could have made up whatever excuse he wanted to, but he decided against it. As nervous as he was, this was a conversation that probably needed to happen. 

“Yeah, okay. Sure.”

“Okay.” Takaki didn’t offer any sort of smile, just nodding slightly and returning to his place in the group. Practice continued, but Inoo’s mind was already five hours ahead, mostly apprehensive about what this conversation could be. He didn’t get the chance to tell Daiki about the exchange, his friend spending the entire day mediating some situation between Nakajima Yuto and Yamada Ryosuke, but Daiki did notice something was up. He sent Inoo a questioning glance when he saw Inoo stalling instead of getting ready to leave, his eyes widening when Inoo looked pointedly in Takaki’s direction to show that Takaki wasn’t getting ready either. But Daiki didn’t try to approach or say anything, and after sending him a look that Inoo hoped conveyed “I’ll call you with the details later”, Inoo watched his friend walk out, and they were alone. 

He wanted Takaki to start the conversation, since Takaki had been the one to propose it. Takaki just stood there, seemingly immersed in the zipper on his bag, and after a near three full minutes of awkward silence, Inoo heaved a sigh. 

“What did you want to talk about?”

Takaki turned to him with an expression that suggested he thought it was obvious, but Inoo wasn’t going to assume anything. Whatever this was about to be, he wanted Takaki’s thoughts and feelings to be voiced, not just implied. 

“It’s about, uh… What you said to me.”

“What you overheard.” Inoo corrected. He didn’t come out to Takaki, or confess to him. He needed that straight, in his own head if nothing else, for his own sanity. 

“Right. I don’t… I don’t mind, or whatever. It’s okay.” 

“You don’t?” Very suddenly, the semantics didn’t matter. Inoo couldn’t help his surprise. 

“Yeah.” Takaki shrugged, and then wasn’t looking at him again. “I don’t care that you’re… Well, you know. That doesn’t bother me.”

“Well, good.” Inoo said. Takaki was still avoiding his eyes. 

“I just don’t want you to hit on me. Because I’m not—I’m not gay like you are.” 

Inoo stared at him.

“...what?” He finally asked, because he had to break the silence, but had no idea what to say. “Why do you think I would do that?”

Takaki’s face was one of blank confusion. “Because you like me?” He offered, and Inoo felt a strange mix of anger and shame welling in his chest. 

“And what, you’re irresistible? I wouldn’t be able to help myself?”

“I’m just… I’m just saying that I’m not interested.”

“I know you’re not.” Inoo said flatly. “But that’s all you had to say. You didn’t have to…” The insinuation made him feel gross, like he was going to touch or kiss Takaki against his will, and Takaki had no right to make him feel like that just because he happened to know Inoo’s orientation. But he didn’t have the patience or energy to try to explain that to Takaki in a way he thought he would understand.

“Well, it’s nothing you have to worry about.” Inoo resisted the urge to clench his jaw. “Because now I know how ignorant you are, and I definitely, definitely don’t like you.” 

“I—what?” 

Inoo grabbed at his stuff, knocking his bag off the chair it was sitting on in his haste. It made a loud sound as it hit the floor, Takaki bending to pick it up, Inoo swooping in before he could and pulling it over his shoulder. 

“Do me a favor.” Inoo said, trying to ignore Takaki’s expression—a mixture of hurt and confusion, but Inoo wasn’t in the mood—“Don’t tell anyone about this.”

Without waiting for an answer, he was out the door. 

The train ride home was rough. Inoo went from being so upset he could cry to being so angry he could cry, clenching his cell phone in his hand but not in the mood to talk to Daiki yet. Partially because it didn’t feel like this was something he could explain over text, and that was the only communication option while on the train. Partially because with all of his aforementioned emotions, he was spending most of the ride just trying not to cry. 

But he managed to make it home without incident, dialing Daiki’s number once he had left the platform and was walking down the street. 

“...Takaki is kind of an idiot, you know.” Daiki said, once the tale had been told. 

“You are not defending him.” Inoo snapped. 

“I’m not!” Daiki insisted. “I’m just saying. It might not have been as malicious as it felt.”

“It’s not my job to educate him.” Inoo insisted, slipping through his front door and kicking his feet from his shoes. “It’s not my job to get out a white board, explain harmful stereotypes, and give him a gold star whenever he says something good.” 

“That’s not what I mean either.” Daiki said, and there was no hint of impatience or annoyance in his voice, Inoo struck suddenly with how _ good _ Daiki was. “We’ve got to spend a lot of time together, that’s all.” 

“I’m not like… Going to punch him in the face tomorrow, or anything.” Inoo said. The idea sounded slightly ludicrous, and it eased the tension from his shoulders. Daiki laughed. “It just… It made me feel bad.” 

‘Bad’ wasn’t the right word, but Inoo didn’t know how to explain it. Because really, he wasn’t so upset about what Takaki had said. The words had just brought him back to a time before he was comfortable enough in his own skin to be at peace with his sexuality, and attraction to other boys; back to when he felt predatory and disgusting and awful with himself for looking twice when a classmate looked sweaty after gym class or a boy’s shirt would ride up a little when trying to take their sweater off. He was past those bad feelings now, but it hadn’t been a pleasant thing to bring back.

“Yeah, I know.” Daiki’s voice took on a lighter sort of tone. “Just don’t hate him, maybe?” 

“No promises.” Inoo said, keeping his voice a grumble, and Daiki laughed again. 

  
  


Anxious anticipation churned in Inoo’s stomach as he made his way to work the next day. He had no idea what he was walking into. He didn’t know how Takaki would react to him. He’d asked Takaki not to say anything about what had happened, but he hadn’t exactly asked it nicely; it had been a confrontation, so Inoo wouldn’t really blame Takaki if he’d gone to someone for help and had to explain the situation. Yabu or Hikaru might know. The entire group might know. Inoo walked in with his shoulders up around his ears, afraid to look at anyone. 

Nobody gave him anything more than the customary, friendly greeting. Not even Takaki, who met his eyes quickly before looking away again. When half the day had passed without incident, Inoo tried to relax. He spent the rest of the day trying to relax, and it only worked a little, but everyone else being completely normal did help. 

Takaki didn’t try to bring it up at all. He wasn’t standoffish, but wasn’t overly kind either, and the complete neutrality didn’t seem to come from a malicious place. Takaki was just a little distant. Which, Inoo figured--that was fine. The only thing about it all that struck him as odd was so subtle that it took Inoo a few weeks to even notice it. 

Takaki didn’t touch him, pulling away when physical contact came up. If he had to be next to Inoo for some reason or another, he was as brief as he could be. It was such a slight thing that Inoo couldn’t even really find it in himself to take it personally. The little ones didn’t notice, too busy being young, and Yabu and Hikaru didn’t notice, too busy trying to keep the group afloat. Daiki did notice, but Inoo didn’t want to talk about it, so it was all but dropped. 

Inoo’s life outside of work wasn’t much better. The rest of his group mates had either gone to, were going to, or planned on going to the same high school, a high school that was chock full of young celebrities. Inoo wasn’t going to that high school. He was going to a private all-boys high school all on his own. 

It was isolating, it was frustrating, and it was embarrassing. It wasn’t “cool” to put on flashy clothes and sing about following your dreams, and while debut was something Inoo had been working towards, he sometimes found himself wishing against it whenever he was in class. His classmates had hours of material to make fun of him with, and while they weren’t extremely vicious—nobody tried to hurt him in a physical way, aside from a few shoves into the wall—Inoo still spent every school day feeling like he was walking around with a target on his back. It was awful to come home, open his school bag in search of his homework, and find a defiled magazine page from his most recent photo shoot shoved inside. 

Calling him feminine was his bullies’ favorite thing to do. They went from calling him girly to speculating if he secretly was a girl, with his sexuality always being thrown into question. Nobody at school knew the truth, of course—and he would never tell them—but the raw spot that had been left behind by Takaki accidentally finding out left the jabs stinging more than usual. It set him on edge. 

After a long day at the end of a long week, Inoo was both completely spent and completely wound up at once. A couple of his classmates had taken it upon themselves to buy copies of Hey Say JUMP’s debut CD, replace the track list with taunts about Inoo, Inoo’s face, and just how homosexual he was, and hand them out to whoever would take one, shoving the rest of them into Inoo’s desk. He stuffed them all into his bag as quickly as he could, mind racing for a way to get rid of them as quickly as possible. There was no way he was bringing them home--he couldn’t even allow for the chance of his family finding them--but he couldn’t leave the CDs here, either. 

Laughter followed him when the day let out and he began home, one of the tormentors beginning to shout his debut song at his back. Inoo ignored it and continued on, quickening his pace. He hated it. He hated this private school and all the people in it. 

Two hours after he was supposed to have gone to sleep found Inoo sitting up in bed, his phone clutched in his hand, tears rolling down his face. Logically, he knew he was fine; these people weren’t physically hurting him, and he was just tired, he needed to rest and try to ignore it all, but his mind wouldn’t stop, and the tears wouldn’t stop, and he resolved to call Daiki. Daiki likely wouldn’t answer--his best friend slept like the _ dead _\--but that would be for the better, Inoo told himself. He would just leave some dumb voicemail that he was probably going to regret, and that would get it all out of his system, and he would go to sleep. 

He fumbled at his phone with one hand, using the other to wipe at his eyes before putting his cell phone to his ear. After only a few rings, the dialing tone stopped, the voice that answered all groggy and rough with sleep. 

“Inoo...?”

“Everyone at my school sucks.” Inoo sniffled, once he’d gotten over the shock of actually getting an answer. “They… They were really awful today.” 

“Are you crying?” Daiki asked, only Daiki’s voice wasn’t this deep, not even when just waking up. Daiki’s voice didn’t have this cadence. This wasn’t Daiki. 

Inoo yanked the phone from his ear like it had burned him, dropping it onto his bed. It landed screen-side-up, the name ‘Takaki Yuya’ flashing at him. 

Inoo murmured a few curse words, clapping his hands over his mouth, the sides of his pointer fingers hitting his tear-soaked cheeks. Takaki’s voice came filtering through the mouthpiece, louder now, and concerned.

“Are you okay? What’s going on? Are you hurt? Inoo?” 

Not answering would be worse, so Inoo picked the phone back up. “I’m fine.” He said, taking a deep breath in as he did, but the air stuttered as it came in, shuddering in his chest, and making him sound very, very not fine at all. While more accurate, it was not the response he was going for. 

“...really?” Takaki asked, Inoo biting back a rude retort. He found that the surprise of hearing Takaki’s voice had startled his tears into stopping, snapping him from his hysterics, and yes, that did feel better.

“Really.” He insisted. “Sorry for waking you. I’ll… I’ll go now.” 

“What did the people at your school do?” 

Oh, no. That was the last thing Takaki was finding out. He couldn’t be the sad gay kid with the one-sided crush on a straight guy _ and _the sad gay kid that got picked on at school. Not in the eyes of the same person. Not in the eyes of Takaki Yuya. 

“Hanging up!” He said, pulling the phone from his ear again with Takaki’s voice, a little louder, stopped him.

“I’m a really good listener.” 

“Why would I care?” 

“Because it’s after midnight, and you’re crying.” 

“No I’m not.” Inoo said stubbornly.

“Fine. Were crying. Whatever.” Inoo could almost hear the eye roll; the concerned sympathy was mostly out of Takaki’s voice at that, and the lack of pity, pity that he didn’t want, loosened the knot in Inoo’s shoulders. “I know you want to talk to me, so now that I’m awake you might as well do it.” 

“What?” Inoo gaped openly, despite nobody being there to see his incredulity. “I want to talk to you? What makes you think that I want to talk to you?” 

“...you called me, that’s what.” 

That was hard to argue with. Even if it had been an accident. When Inoo didn’t have an answer, Takaki spoke again. 

“So; what did the people at your school do?” 

“They… I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” 

“They’re mean about… About the fact that I’m an idol.”

“What, they’re mad at you just because you’re famous?” 

The wording of the question was so simplistic that it gave Inoo pause. He’d always seen it as cause and effect; because he was an idol, he got picked on. But in reality, if he played his cards right, he would have more money and recognition than any of his bullies ever would have. He sat a little straighter on his mattress. 

“They’re jackasses.” He said arily, biting back a smile when he heard Takaki make a noise that sounded like a stifled laugh. “They always were, though. They like calling me gay.” 

“Well…” Takaki’s voice was confused. “I mean, you are though, right?” 

“W--I, yeah--but--” Inoo wasn’t used to hearing it out loud, or confirming it out loud, heat racing into his cheeks. “They don’t know that, so they’re just picking over how I act and what I look like and putting negative stereotypes on me.” 

“Oh.” Takaki went quiet for a couple of moments, and Inoo let the silence hang there, wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear. “What’s gay about you?” 

Well. No mincing words, huh. Inoo decided to be just as blunt.

“I like boys.” He answered flatly. This time, Takaki made a rather satisfying choking-on-his-own-tongue type of sound. 

“No, I… I meant like, what are they making fun of you for?” 

“I don’t know.” Inoo glanced down; his hands were in his lap. “I have girly hands.”

“You do?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Huh.” 

A beat, and hands reminded Inoo of physical contact, and the accusation left his mouth without much thought. 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” 

There was a hiss of air; Takaki’s next words came out a little pinched and wincing. 

“You noticed that?” 

“Of course I did. I’m not an idiot.” Inoo was surprised by how relaxed he felt; if this was a real, in-person conversation, he knew he would be a mess, and his words would probably come out wrong before he just backtracked and changed them to mean something else. It was just easier over the phone, somehow. 

“Yeah, I…” Takaki sort of balked and trailed off, and Inoo felt his next words tumbling out of him, unable to keep them to himself, unable to keep them from sounding rushed and nervous. Maybe it was because what he was saying was honest, anxiety forced out between the phrases. 

“I mean, you said that it didn’t bother you, but you shouldn’t just _ lie _to me--I’m used to it, it doesn’t mean that--I guess I just…” It was a mess, and he could hear just how much of a mess it was, so he stopped, finishing lamely. “I noticed.” 

“I wasn’t lying. It doesn’t bother me.” Takaki said after a few moments of silence, almost as though he was waiting, to make sure Inoo had said his piece. Inoo wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that, or if he would have preferred Takaki to just cut him off. 

“Yes it does.”

“No, it doesn’t.” That annoyance was back in Takaki’s voice, and it should have made Inoo frightened or something, but it was strangely familiar instead. “You have a crush on me, right?”

Inoo didn’t answer. 

“Well, you said you did.” Takaki continued. “But you were getting over it. So I didn’t want to touch you. I didn’t want to cause you any pain, so I stopped myself if I thought of hugging you, or whatever. So you could move on as fast as possible.” 

“Oh,” was all Inoo could think to say. Takaki thought about hugging him? Why? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“I don’t know, maybe that was stupid.”

“...it was kinda stupid.” And thoughtful, but Inoo wasn’t going to tell him that. “But you don’t have to worry about that anymore. That crush I had on you; I’m over it.”

“Really?” Takaki asked, his voice fast.

“What, are you disappointed?” Inoo asked, letting a flirtatious tone seep heavily into his voice. 

“No!” Takaki insisted, as Inoo laughed. 

“You are disappointed. You can pretend I’m still crushing on you, just to make yourself feel better.”

“Shut up. It’s late.” His next few words were muffled. “Ugh, we’ve been talking for an hour. Waking up tomorrow is going to suck.”

“Don’t change the subject.” 

“I’m going to sleep, Inoo.” Then, after a moment, and a little quieter. “I don’t want you to have a crush on me, anyway.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t.” 

“Good.” A beat. “Bye. See you tomorrow.” 

“Bye.” The line went dead, and Inoo clicked his cell phone closed, surprised to feel a smile on his face. His eyes were burning from exhaustion, but he felt better, felt lighter, a weightless happiness in his chest. He let his eyelids slide closed, humming at the feeling. 

Then his eyes snapped open. He’d told Takaki that he didn’t have any romantic feelings for him, that he was over it--and while that might have been true in that moment, it definitely wasn’t true now. Not after having a conversation like that, being able to just _ talk _to Takaki like that. With a groan of anguish, Inoo let his face fall into his hands. He was screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sure is a slow burn. But I love writing dialogue. Enjoy this chapter!!

When Inoo finally went to sleep that night, he expected to wake up the next morning feeling like his entire world had changed. He’d shared another deep, dark secret with Takaki; he’d rekindled feelings that had never really gone away, but only grown stronger; he’d changed his outlook on how he perceived his bullies, minimalizing it to  _ their  _ problem, not his problem. 

He woke up feeling overdramatic. 

Nothing was different. Nothing was  _ actually _ different. He probably didn’t actually like Takaki; Takaki had simply been kind to him when he needed a friend, which was somewhat nice but mostly horrifyingly embarrassing. Bullies were still awful, and would still make him feel like shit no matter how he himself felt about it. All he’d done was make himself a crying, blubbering mess in front of someone whose opinion he cared about over something that didn’t even matter. His eyes were all red and his eyelids all puffy for no reason. 

Maybe when he saw Takaki he would feel different, he thought. He walked into practice feeling slightly apprehensive, glancing around. Takaki was playing a hand game with Chinen, and Inoo watched them for a moment before he was distracted by Daiki stepping in front of him. 

“Oi.” Daiki was frowning, looking over his face. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“...good morning to you too.” Inoo said, dragging his eyes to meet his friend’s own. “What?” 

“You look terrible. Are you okay?” 

“Oh.” Inoo rubbed a hand over his face. His eyes did burn a bit, though if it was from staying up late or from crying he couldn’t tell. “Is it that noticeable?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone else will say anything, probably. Were you up late last night?” 

Daiki’s concern was so genuine and real that for a moment, Inoo was fully prepared to tell the whole story, letting his mouth open. Then a loud laugh sounded from across the room, Inoo looking over to see Takaki, evidently having lost whatever game it was he was playing, leaning back with his mouth open in happiness and his eyes closed. Both of his hands were held by Chinen’s own, being swung back and forth in a childlike excitement. 

“What’re you smiling at?” Daiki followed his line of sight, then gave Inoo a sympathetic look. “I thought you were over him?” 

“I was. Am, I mean. I am!” Inoo glanced quickly back at Daiki. “I never was into him, alright? Not really. Not enough for it to matter or whatever.” 

“You can tell me if you like him.” Daiki said. “It’s okay. You know that, right?” 

“Of course. But really, Daiki. I don’t.” 

Daiki’s expression suggested that he didn’t quite believe what Inoo was saying, so Inoo looked away from him and back at Takaki and Chinen. Then Takaki happened to glance over, meeting Inoo’s eyes and offering up a small smile, and Inoo wasn’t sure he quite believed what he was saying either.

They didn’t talk about the phone call. They didn’t talk at all, not really, though Takaki would randomly smile at him now, something that always caught Inoo—and Inoo’s heart—by surprise. If he didn’t know that Takaki was a self-proclaimed straight boy, he might have misconstrued the glances as a crush… Though he told himself that was mostly wishful thinking. Maybe this was just what it felt like to be Takaki’s friend. Takaki was generally a very friendly person, from what Inoo could tell; random smiles in his direction didn’t seem too off brand. 

Inoo found himself trying to make up some reason to call Takaki again. He’d already used the “sorry, wrong number” excuse, and couldn’t very well think of another one. He got to the point where he tried to sneak something out of Takaki’s bag while he was in the bathroom, just so he could pretend he’d found it, but Yuto saw him and gave him a strange look, so he cooked up some excuse that made the kid laugh and slinked away. 

_ Just call him.  _ He told himself. He called Daiki without reason or preamble all the time; he didn’t need a reason to talk to his friends. Because he and Takaki were friends, right? Probably. Maybe? Takaki was some strange, crush-acquaintance that knew way too much about him. There wasn’t really a category for that. But it made him nervous. Talking to Takaki had been so easy the first time, despite his high-strung emotions and the delicate subject matter—he was worried that maybe, it had been a one time thing. That he would call Takaki again, and it would be awkward. That he’d had his one moment, and now it was over. 

Inoo was sitting at his desk and staring down at his phone, fully prepared to ring up Daiki and bemoan his situation when the device buzzed in his hand. The screen read  _ Takaki Yuya,  _ and Inoo nearly choked on his tongue. He scrambled to answer it. 

“Hello?”

“The twenty-fourth.” Takaki said, with absolutely no preface or prelusion. “Did you do that on purpose?”

Inoo didn’t know what to say, feeling completely off-kilter. 

“I have no idea what we’re talking about right now.” He confessed, and for some reason, Takaki laughed. 

“The day you called me was the twenty-fourth.” He explained. 

“So…?”

“So! That’s the day between our birthdays.” Takaki said. He said it like it was some incredible clue, some significant piece to solving a mystery. “I realized it just now. I mean, I know my birthday is in March and yours is June, but…”

He trailed off at Inoo’s total, entirely dumbfounded silence. 

“This is stupid, huh?” He asked, and Inoo couldn’t help himself, bursting into laughter. 

“You just… You just figured my secret number plan. Congrats.” Inoo told him once he could speak again.

“Wait, really?” The immediate perk in Takaki’s voice was nearly palpable.

“No! That’s absolutely nothing!” He exclaimed, choking on another round of laughter, and this time Takaki laughed too. He didn’t laugh loud, like Inoo knew he was doing, the sound soft but highly amused instead. It sent a warm feeling into Inoo’s chest, and Inoo slid from his desk chair and plopped himself onto the floor, stretching out onto his back. He was happy to be on the phone with Takaki again. That they were laughing. That again, it felt easy. 

“Wait.” A realization had him sitting up fast. “How do you know when my birthday is?” 

“Don’t you know when mine is?” Takaki asked back, and sure, Inoo could reverse-engineer that information with the clues Takaki had given him, coming up with March twenty-sixth. 

“I had to do math for that.” He explained, dismissing it as evidence.

“You’re smart, huh.”

“But you just… You just know mine?”

“I’m smart.”

“You just said I was smart.”

“We can both be smart.” 

Inoo didn’t believe that statement in the slightest, the silence pulling a frown onto his face. Takaki let out a breath. 

“There was a birthday party last year, when we were all juniors. It was for you and a couple of other kids that had birthdays around the same time, but they mentioned what day everyone’s birthday was actually on, and I just remembered, I guess.” 

“You just… Remembered?” That was a little more plausible, though it felt like such a strange thing to think about. What train of thought had Takaki been on to come to this “twenty-fourth” realization?

“I have a good memory.”

“You do?” That didn’t seem right, Inoo thinking back to a couple of days ago and understanding why. “No you don’t, you couldn’t remember Okamoto’s dog’s name, which will probably come up more often than my birthday will.” 

“Do you remember Okamoto’s dog’s name?” Takaki challenged, and at Inoo’s silence, burst again into laughter. “I can’t explain it.” He confessed. “I don’t know. You’re more interesting, so it’s easier to remember stuff about you.” 

Inoo laughed. It was the only thing he could think to do, the only thing to distract from that tugging ache in his chest, that persistent affection that he both loved and wanted to just go away. 

“I wasn’t… I wasn’t joking.” Takaki said, but before that sentence had Inoo completely frozen, he continued. “How is school going? Any better?” 

School was… School was normal, mostly. Maybe a little better, but stranger too, in a way that could be worse. There was a new kid in Inoo’s class. 

He’d said where he’d transferred from, but Inoo no longer remembered it. He was quiet. He was odd, though Inoo wasn’t sure that he had too much room to call other people odd. He still thought it anyway. 

Inoo found himself looking at the boy a lot, with no idea why. He just did it, glancing behind himself before he realized he was doing it. And it was always short, always for less than a second, because whenever he did, the boy was looking back at him. 

Inoo couldn’t remember the new kid’s name. He didn’t really want to, either; it was his final semester of his final year. He didn’t want to get involved with anyone at this school for any reason anymore. He just wanted to be done. Nobody had wanted to be his friend, and he was used to it that way. Just because this guy was new, just because he might not know who Inoo was, and that Inoo was an idol, that didn’t change anything…. Right? He was telling himself not to hold out hope. So, externally, he wasn’t. 

One day in class, he hadn’t been paying attention, the last lesson of the day going by faster than he realized, and before he could pack up his belongings his desk was surrounded. The taunts were light, all words and simple insults that Inoo had heard before. Then one of them grabbed at Inoo’s notebook and yanked, ripping a few pages of notes out. Thankfully, it was notes from a few weeks ago, stuff that the class had already been tested on, so Inoo didn’t bother getting it back, finishing his packing up while they taunted his--perfectly average looking, if he was being honest--handwriting. They let him get to his feet without touching him, so Inoo thought that if he kept his head down and muscled his way through, maybe they would lose interest.

Miraculously, it worked. Inoo lifted his head as he stepped through the classroom door, and met a familiar pair of eyes. The new kid was standing against the opposite wall, situated at a perfect angle to see Inoo’s desk through the open doorway. Not saying anything. Not offering to help. Just watching. The hope Inoo had refused to acknowledge that he had was dashed, and he pushed past the boy without a word. 

  
  


Inoo had decided, before even graduating high school, that he was going to Meiji University. High school was hell, but he’d followed through for the entire three years even without strictly needing to. It felt foolish, and pointless, to just end it at that. He needed those years of high school to mean something. Bullying felt too juvenile a thing to follow him into university, but if it tried, Inoo was determined not to let it. So, while it was only a halfway point in terms of his higher education, graduation from high school was still a relief.

That year was proving to be a very busy one for their group, however. It was 2008, and they had three releases lined up as well as an end of year concert to get ready for, and they were so inexperienced at their jobs that they needed months in advance to prepare. Inoo didn’t think that he could enroll in college that year and still succeed, so he decided to set his sights on Meiji in 2009 and put all his focus into simply surviving as the group got ready to release  _ Dreams Come True,  _ their second single. 

The songs themselves weren’t too difficult, the lyrics repetitive and easy to remember. But they still spent hours in the recording studio, hours in photoshoots for the CD cover, and had an entire music video to put together. It made Inoo glad that he didn’t have homework to worry about, not able to do much more than go home and collapse in bed. 

He’d also been too busy to call Takaki back. He wanted to call Takaki, feeling easier about the whole idea now that it had happened more than once, but he couldn’t find the time. Takaki didn’t call him either, but Takaki was busy too; too busy to even have music video filming on the same day as the rest of them. Takaki was the lead in a television show. 

Aside from it being “about time”, they were releasing their single so that Takaki could have a solo on the CD for the show. He filmed his part in the music video with Yabu, and the rest of them filmed later. The music video filming was actually extremely fun, Inoo forcing himself to just calm down and relax and have fun with his groupmates--groupmates that he was coming to call close friends. Despite the joking and the laughing and trying to ignore the rest of his responsibilities, he continued to look around for something, not realizing what it was until halfway through the day. 

He was trying to lay eyes on Takaki, despite knowing he wasn’t there. It was something automatic, something he didn’t realize he was doing until after he’d glanced around, found nothing, and felt a little disappointed about it. It was weird how often he found himself performing the scan of the room, that action of wanting to see Takaki despite knowing fully well that even if Takaki was there, even if they did see each other, they wouldn’t talk. Did Inoo just want to look at him?

“I can’t tell if I like him… Or if I just like looking at him.” He told Daiki as they were leaving, prompting his friend to burst out laughing. 

On the day the single was released, Inoo felt a sense of rolling dread in his stomach for reasons he couldn’t pin down. He wasn’t embarrassed, not really; he couldn’t be, not when all of his band mates were next to him, doing the exact same thing. The song wasn’t a masterpiece, but it wasn’t like he’d written it, it wasn’t like he would be made fun of for the way it was composed—

Made fun of: those words struck a chord. He was expecting to be teased. He was waiting for someone in his personal life to realize who he was, and  _ care,  _ and gang around him or beat him up. It was a bit nerve wracking every time he walked around his neighborhood on days off and saw someone from school, keeping his eyes on his feet and trying not to run away. He was so twitchy after the release that his parents asked him about it, and he found himself hours after dinner had ended, still sitting at the table with them and talking to them about all that he’d gone through with his high school classmates. He tried not to cry, but didn’t really succeed, his mother smoothing his hair down with her soft hands and asking him if there was anything that they could do now to help. Inoo didn’t know what to say. 

Three days after  _ Dreams Come True _ came out, Inoo took dinner into his bedroom and decided he wanted to call Takaki. It was the twenty-fourth, and he declared that excuse to be reason enough. 

“Hey Inoo.”

The instant use of his name was surprising, though Inoo wasn’t sure why; he knew about caller ID and all. Maybe it was just hearing Takaki say it. Either way, it threw him off for a moment.

“Happy phone call day.” Inoo answered, and Takaki laughed. “Are you busy?” 

“Not right now. It’s late. I’m being driven home.” Takaki said. Inoo frowned, looking out his bedroom window. Night had fallen a while ago. 

“Where were you?” 

“Set! Filming. We’re almost completely done. I had a big fight scene today; I got all beat up.” There was a smile in Takaki’s voice. “Do you wanna see?” 

“What?” Inoo asked. “You got beat up? Why do you sound so happy about it?” 

Instead of answering, the call disconnected. Inoo pulled his phone from his ear and stared at it, wondering maybe if Takaki went under a bridge or something, when the screen lit up from a text from Takaki instead. 

Upon opening it, Inoo saw that Takaki had sent him a picture. It was a picture Takaki had taken of himself, looking into the camera with a bit of a smug expression. He had a big purpled blotch of a bruise on his cheekbone and chin, with blood coming from the side of his mouth. Maybe he should be concerned, or unhappy with seeing Takaki hurt, but Inoo’s first thought was a slew of expletives. Takaki… Takaki looked  _ hot. _

His staring was interrupted by his phone ringing in his hand. 

“Well?” Takaki asked. 

“Well?” Inoo asked back. “Are, like… Are you okay?” 

“It’s just makeup.” Takaki said easily. “Have you been watching the show?” 

The show. Takaki was one of the main characters in the third season of Gokusen, which had started airing roughly two weeks ago. And no, Inoo hadn’t seen a second of it. 

“No, I’ve been busy.” In truth, it felt weird and embarrassing to watch it, and it aired at the same time his little sister Aki liked to watch her romance dramas, and he couldn’t think of a reason to put it on that Aki wouldn’t tease him for.

“Oh.” 

Inoo tried not to read too much into the fact that Takaki sounded a little put out. 

“I want to.” Inoo continued, because it was true. An excuse to stare at Takaki? He would take it. “After seeing that picture, I might have to.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“You look sexy with your face all bashed in.” 

“Bashed in? My face isn’t bashed in.” Takaki protested. Then, a little less indignantly, but thankfully not uncomfortably, “I look sexy?”

“Of course. Being beat up is so sexy.” 

“It is?” Another pause. “Do… Is that something that you…  _ You  _ like, or just…  _ People _ like?” 

“You can say guys.” Inoo said, enjoying Takaki’s spluttering across the line. Takaki sounded so awkward that Inoo knew he had to not be just talking about all people thinking it was sexy. “And I don’t know if most guys think it’s sexy. I mean, they should. You look all manly and roughed up.” 

Takaki laughed a little, the sound quiet, close to his ear, and still slightly uncoordinated.

“So you like manly guys then?” He asked after a moment. Inoo found himself falling into thought, wanting to give the question an honest answer.

“Well, I’m not sure about that.” He glanced at the food on his plate, picking through it with his chopsticks. “Nothing wrong with a manly guy. But when they get too muscley things just get weird. I’m not really into like… A sixty-four pack, or whatever.” 

Takaki burst out laughing. “That’s all it takes? No extra chest muscles and you like someone?” 

“I mean, I don’t know. Male pattern baldness really gets me going.”

At that, Takaki’s laughter was even louder, but further away from Inoo’s ear, as though he’d thrown his head back. It was the loudest Inoo had heard Takaki laugh on a phone call before, and desperately wished he could see it in person, though the sound alone made his chest almost hurt with pride and affection. 

“Bald and lazy. You sure are picky.”

“I don’t know if I have a type.” Inoo confessed. “I don’t think I’ve had enough serious crushes on people to actually tell. If I don’t think that there’s even the possibility of a guy liking me back, I tend to lose interest pretty quickly, and it’s not like guys go around advertising that sort of thing.” 

A small, contemplative sound came across the line. 

“I guess I get that.” Takaki said after another quiet moment. “So, what I’ve got to go on is not much working out and the less hair the better. Got it. Anything else?”

“The baldness thing was a joke!” Inoo protested. “Why, are you making a checklist?” 

“No, shut up. I’m making conversation.” 

“And a conversation goes both ways.” Inoo said. “So tell me, what kind of guys are you into?” 

“I’m--!” Takaki was flustered for a moment before Inoo began to laugh at him, and then Takaki laughed too. “Hey, stop. I… I don’t know.” 

“You don’t have a type?” 

“I mean, pretty girls. They’re nice to look at. Girls that are friendly.” 

“Everyone likes pretty, friendly girls.” Inoo countered. “Even me. You don’t have anything specific?” 

Takaki fell into thought, Inoo taking a couple of moments to put food into his mouth.

“Just anything cute, really.” Takaki said. “This is a secret or whatever, but I love cute stuff.”

“Aw, want me to buy you a Hello Kitty pencil case?”

“I’m not a nerd like you, I don’t need a pencil case.” Takaki shot back, and Inoo laughed. “But seriously, I’m weak against anything with big eyes and a cute face, and not just girls.”

_ Not just girls.  _ Inoo’s breath completely stilled in his chest, but then Takaki continued. 

“Like dogs and cartoon characters and stuff.” 

Oh. False alarm--did false hope count as a false alarm?--and the laugh that Inoo managed out sounded much too stressed and strained to his own ears, so he tried another joke to play it off.

“Watch out, I’m going to tell Friday magazine that your ideal type is dogs and cartoon characters.” 

That had Takaki laughing again, but it sounded muffled, like he was covering his face with his hand or something. 

“You’re awful.” He said, but he still had the laughter in his voice. “If you do that, I’ll tell everyone that your type is pretty and friendly girls.” 

It was Inoo’s turn to burst out laughing, a piece of meat from his dinner plate rolling across his desk when his hand went weak with amusement and he lost his grip on his chopsticks.

“That isn’t even a threat! That would be good for me, actually.” 

“It wouldn’t be good for your chances with all the manly guys.” 

“Ah, yes. The manly guys. I’ll just look at you with my big eyes and my cute face and you won’t tell them anything. You would be completely powerless against me.” 

Takaki was quiet for a moment, and though Inoo knew it was just a little unreasonable to be so worried, he still felt a flash of fear run through his chest, wondering if maybe he’d taken the whole joke too far. 

“You do have big eyes.” Takaki said, his voice quiet again. “Hey, I just got home. I’ve gotta go.” 

Then he hung up, and Inoo simply sat at his desk, begging himself just finish his dinner and go to bed and not read too desperately into what Takaki had just said.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inoo calls Takaki "stud" in this chapter and I'm not sorry

After seeing Takaki’s behind the scenes photo, Inoo made it a point to begin watching Gokusen every week. He hadn’t really been into either of the first two seasons of the show, only had a vague understanding of the concept, and had missed the entire first half of Takaki’s season, so he had absolutely no thread on the plot. That didn’t matter in the slightest. 

Takaki looked incredible. His hair was dyed golden and flipped away from his neck and he was wearing lip gloss in more scenes than he would probably ever admit to, and Inoo loved every second of it. He considered telling Takaki he was watching it, maybe texting him a picture of his television screen whenever it was on, but texting wasn’t something the two of them did, so it seemed weird, and he didn’t. Now, whenever Takaki had to skip off from work for something related to the show, Inoo didn’t feel so disappointed, able to picture rowdy, slouching, devil-may-care Takaki with his bloody face and over-the-shoulder bag instead. 

About halfway through his watch though, a little nagging feeling began to pick at Inoo whenever Takaki’s opposite on the show--a rather popular actor named Miura Haruma--showed up on screen. Because sometimes, the dialogue was said in a way that was a little too strong, or the camera angles a little too dramatic, and Inoo felt his eyes shoot up his forehead. 

By the end of the show, Inoo was a little more than convinced that Takaki’s character and Miura Haruma’s characters were more than just a little bit in love with each other. No matter how he tried to describe it to Daiki--because he just had to tell someone, and hell if it would be Takaki himself--Daiki just wouldn’t believe him. 

“Are you sure you’re not just… Projecting?” Daiki asked at the end of practice, when Inoo was talking at him about it for what had to be the third time that day. “Or maybe jealous?” 

“Of course I’m jealous.” Inoo sniffed, while Daiki let out a laugh. “But I’m serious! It’s about… The staring, and--there was a self-sacrifice, I don’t know what else you want me to say.” 

It was fun to try and explain the subtleties of accidental homoeroticism in fiction to Daiki, because it acted as a distraction from the stress of the rest of Inoo’s life. They were amping up to release another single, a dance number called  _ Your Seed, _ and while Inoo had come to find the whole process of releasing music--learning and recording the song, the dance, and the filming of the music video itself--to be very fun, it still caused his anxiety to flare up, and it took energy just to leave the house at times, trying not to constantly look over his shoulder whenever he had to do something as simple as go down to the convenience store.

“At least I’m not like… Front and center.” Inoo said through a mouthful of food. 

“Stop being gross. I can hear you chewing.” Takaki lamented, Inoo leaning fully into the receiver to give his food a few more open-mouthed chews, just to annoy him.

“But I’m serious!” Inoo continued. “You’ve got like… Solo lines, and you’re dancing in the front a lot. Congratulations.” 

“Thanks.” Takaki answered, but the word came out as a bit of a sigh. 

“What?” Inoo asked. He took another big bite--a quick chicken sandwich was his dinner for the night, picked up on his way home so he could lock himself in his bedroom--and chewed, forcing most of it down in one swallow before he continued. “You don’t like it?” 

“It’s just not easy, that’s all.” Takaki said. “It’s fun, and cool and stuff, but it’s hard. It’s hard enough when I’m not in the front, but in the front everyone looks at you, and criticizes you, and…” 

“Nobody is criticizing you.” Inoo said, and when Takaki made a slightly disbelieving sound, “Well, not yet. The single isn’t out.”

“Yeah, but they will.”

“You’re working hard, though.” Inoo said, because Takaki was. Inoo had seen it in practice; as soon as it came time for Takaki to dance in the front next to Yamada, his posture seemed to straighten, his movements becoming more precise and energetic. “Especially when it’s time for you to sing and dance.”

“You noticed that?” Takaki’s voice was slightly quieter in embarrassment at his next words. “You watch me?” 

“You’re in the front.” Inoo answered, because the real answer was yes, but he wasn’t going to say that, so he had to make a joke instead. “You and your fancy hair are hogging all the mirror space.” 

“It’s not that fancy.” Takaki grumbled back, but he sounded a little amused too. “But I guess… When I’m in the back, I feel like I blend in better. Or I can hide, or something.”

“Or you’re just too cool to care.” Inoo pointed out. 

“You think I’m cool?” 

“Not at all.”

“Hey!” Takaki’s level of indignance suggested very strongly that he’d expected a compliment, and Inoo couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “I’m at least a little cool. You have to admit it.” 

“Yesterday morning you were going after Morimoto for not saying good morning to you, and I watched you trip and hit yourself in the face.” Inoo deadpanned. “It was very, very cool.” 

“Okay, but that’s because you know me.” Takaki’s tone implied that he was still fishing for a compliment, and Inoo decided then and there that he wasn’t about to indulge him. But the admission that they knew each other--maybe even knew each other well--was nice to hear. “Now that Gokusen is over, our manager told me that I should try to get a ‘cool’ image, since nobody in our group really has one yet. I think I could do it.” 

“...I guess I could see that.” Inoo admitted. Takaki had been pretty cool in Gokusen. 

“It would be good, I think.” Takaki’s voice had gone quiet and uncharacteristically serious, Inoo finding himself leaning into the phone a little to listen. “It isn’t cool to have to try really hard, you know? I can act like I don’t care. Then if I fail it won’t really matter as much.”

“You have to still care though. In private, I mean.” Inoo wanted very much to lighten the mood. “You’re not allowed to be any more of a jerk than you already are.” 

“...now I think you’re just being mean.” Takaki protested, and Inoo laughed.

It was Inoo’s mother that suggested that he move out of the house, and into an apartment in Tokyo. It was a crazy thought--he was only eighteen, and he would be starting college next year, and he had a life-consumingly busy job--but then Inoo realized why she was saying it. This was where he’d grown up, where his high school was only a couple of blocks away, with some of his classmates now working at shops he used to frequent. Getting out would help, especially with his anxiety. Tokyo was closer both to work and his to-be school, and while that was well and good, the anonymity of it was more than enough reason to go. 

The group released  _ Your Seed  _ in July, and once the promotional period was over, Inoo began to pack up his stuff. He told his group mates, all of them ranging from surprised to impressed, with BEST all promising to help him unpack and settle in. He and his parents shopped for apartments on his days off, and once they decided on one, it was time to move. 

On the actual day, most of the group was busy. Their manager had brought a van to help pack Inoo’s stuff in, and Inoo was thinking it would just be his family and his manager when he got a call.

“Hello?” Inoo answered. It was Takaki, and he sounded out of breath.

“Hey, so, uh…” Takaki paused, breathed again, let out a long exhale, and spoke. “Where is your house?”

“What?” Inoo asked back, bewildered. 

“I asked Daiki if he was helping you move today, and he said no, that he was busy--” Inoo nodded; he knew all of that already, Daiki calling in the morning to apologize profusely and promise that he would help Inoo unpack tomorrow-- “and he gave your address, and I think I’m in the right neighborhood, but I can’t find your house.” 

“You…” Inoo trailed off for a moment in disbelief. “You’re here? You’re in my neighborhood?” 

“Yeah.” Takaki said, and his voice had both a bit of a grin, and an embarrassed tinge to it. 

“Okay. I, uh… Hold on.” After explaining the situation to his parents, Inoo began down the street at a light jog. “Um, tell me what you see, I guess?” 

It was a strange mess of phone-tag hide-and-seek, but after a good fifteen minutes of Takaki trying to explain his surroundings, and Inoo saying things like “wait do you mean…?” and “just stop walking” and “let me come to you” they finally met up, about a block and a half from the train station and three blocks from Inoo’s house. 

“I see you.” Inoo said with a laugh as he turned down the street Takaki was on. Takaki’s back was to him.

“You do? Where?” Takaki ducked around the corner, still looking the complete wrong way, and Inoo couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“Hey!” Takaki protested, and he began laughing too, Inoo finding himself cradling the phone to his ear, something he often did when Takaki laughed. “Stop laughing at me! I’m lost!” 

They were now rather close; Inoo was sure that Takaki heard his voice in person before it managed to make it over the phone.

“Turn around, you idiot.” 

Takaki did, and saw him, and the smile he’d grown from laughing didn’t fade; it just grew a bit, Takaki’s voice a little quiet and coming rather soft through the receiver. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi.” Inoo answered, and they were standing there, their cell phones to their ears, looking at each other. Takaki moved first, giving a little laugh and ending the call before placing his phone in his pocket, Inoo hastening to do the same.

“How did you even get this lost?” Inoo asked, already turning to begin walking back. He felt nervous; there was something safe and guarded about the barrier of talking on the phone. He felt almost exposed now, face to face. He tried very hard not to show it. 

“Your neighborhood is so confusing!” Takaki exclaimed back. 

“It so isn’t.”

“It is!” Takaki was laughing again, and Inoo couldn’t help it, laughing back. Conversation lulled slightly, and while Takaki seemed content to simply walk, Inoo wanted something to say. 

“Thanks.” He finally decided on. 

“Huh?” 

“For coming to help.”

“Oh, yeah.” Takaki slid his hands into his pockets with a shrug. “‘Course.” 

Inoo snorted, giving him a shrewd look. “What was that? Don’t say ‘course’.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Inoo exaggerated his slouch. “Are you trying to be cool?” He slid his hands into his pockets too, leaning back and lowering his voice in an awful imitation. “‘Course.” 

“Hey, stop.” Takaki complained, drawing his shoulders together. “If you make fun of me I’ll leave, you know.” 

“No you won’t. You won’t be able to find the train station.”

“Oh, shut up.” 

It was a little awkward, watching Takaki interact with his family. They’d all met before, but only briefly, and not in a way that called for much communication. But Takaki was there to do a job, and being busy with a common goal was the easiest way to dispel awkwardness. 

Inoo felt a little awkward around Takaki too. It was just weird, in a way, trying to decide how to act. The ways he interacted with the people in his life were all different; his mannerisms and comfort level with his family, with his groupmates, and then with Takaki specifically, were all distinct from each other, and it was hard to find a balance between the three. He thought he was doing a good job of toeing the line and simply acting normal when, while Takaki was helping his father load some rather heavy boxes into the van, his sister pulled him aside.

“What?” Inoo asked her. She didn’t answer, just raising her eyebrows and smirking. “What?” 

Aki just smiled a little more, and something in her eyes made Inoo realize that she _k_ _ new _ . 

“Don’t.” He said, and he must have caught her off guard because she stopped, her face falling as she leaned back slightly. 

“I was joking.” She said defensively. “You just keep looking at him so much.”

“I do?” 

“Yeah. It’s not like, creepy though. Don’t worry.” Inoo did relax a bit at that assurance, and she frowned. “Does he know?”

“Know what?” 

“That you’re, you know…”

“Oh. Yeah, actually. He kinda found out on accident, but yeah.” Aki had been the first one to find out that Inoo was gay, Inoo coming home one day with slurs scratched into his shoes by the bullies at school. She’d tried to comfort him by saying that “at least it wasn’t true”, and Inoo, too distraught to think too far ahead, had yelled at her that it was. He hadn’t even been comfortable with it himself at the time, but her acceptance of him, and jokes she made with him about hot actors or models had helped the process. He’d never formally told his parents, but they didn’t make many comments about his “future wife” or even a girlfriend, so he’d begun to think that maybe, they’d already figured it out and just weren’t going to say anything.

“And is he…?” Aki lowered her voice considerably, Takaki and Inoo’s dad beginning to reenter the house. They were unable to continue the conversation, but Inoo knew what she was asking—if Takaki was gay or not—so he caught her eye and shook his head, letting his eyes widen a bit. 

Her response was to stick out her tongue and give a double thumbs-down, mouthing the word “lame”, and it was so funny that Inoo couldn’t hold in his snort of laughter. It was an embarrassing sound, lighting up pink when Takaki looked over at him in surprise. 

“Was that you?” He asked incredulously, beginning to laugh, Inoo blushing harder and hitting him on the arm. Aki just smirked again, a box now in her arms, and went outside. 

Moving his belongings into the apartment was exponentially more difficult than moving them out of the house. When the process started, Inoo took the time to direct the boxes into different rooms, but as time went on he began to care less, letting people drop whatever things wherever they wanted. It was an absolute wreck, but he figured that as long as he had space on the floor to sleep and the ability to find clothes to wear tomorrow, he would be fine. 

The sun was going down by the time they’d finished. Their manager took off once his van was empty, accepting their thanks graciously and telling Inoo to call he needed anything. The rest of them, Takaki included, went out to dinner together. Takaki stuck by his side in the restaurant, clearly still feeling awkward, but Inoo was more than happy to take what he could get, enjoying the way their shoulders brushed and elbows would occasionally bump as they ate.

He said goodbye to his family at the crossroads to the train station, declining their invitation to come back and spend the night at home. He wanted to sleep in his own apartment, wanted to unpack a few things and test out how it would feel to be there alone. They also told him that they were only a phone call away, and that he needed to visit soon, and that he could ask them over at any time for any reason. He knew all of that already but thanked them anyway, Aki giving him a hug before they parted ways.

“Are you going to go too?” Inoo asked Takaki once his family was out of sight. He’d been able to feel Takaki hanging behind him, but had figured that he simply hadn’t wanted to interrupt family time and would step up to go once they were gone.

“Nah.” Takaki answered, continuing quickly when he saw Inoo’s expression of confusion. “I mean, I’m not going to stay, or anything. But I’ll walk you back.” 

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” 

They started down the street, silence falling between them again. It wasn’t an awkward silence, not really, but it still felt strange; when they talked on the phone, pauses were rare, things seeming to flow naturally. In person, there was so much more to take in and to worry about, and Inoo just felt nervous instead.

“You going to be alright by yourself?” Takaki asked, glancing over at him. He was pretty in the dim glow of the streetlights. 

“Why?” Inoo asked, smiling teasingly at him. “You worried about me?” 

“Of course I am.” Takaki answered without a hint of sarcasm, the response so genuine and unaffected by Inoo’s joking tone that Inoo was completely thrown off. 

“I’ll be fine.” Inoo answered, feeling forced to be serious. “I mean, it’ll be weird and all, but I think it’s for the better, too.” 

Takaki nodded thoughtfully. Takaki already lived on his own, but Inoo had never been to his apartment before. 

“I mean, it is hard. Your family lives pretty close--closer than mine does, at least--so it won’t be too bad. It’s nice though, the freedom of it.”

Before much longer, they’d reached Inoo’s front door. 

“Thanks again, for helping out today.” Inoo said, Takaki grinning and giving a bit of a shrug. 

“Yeah.”

“You’re trying to be cool again.”

“I’m not!” Takaki protested, and Inoo laughed. “I’m leaving.”

“Good.” Inoo answered, and Takaki laughed back. “Let me know when you get home, okay?”

“What? Why?” Takaki raised an eyebrow. “You worried about me?”

“Shut up.” Was all Inoo could think to say, trying desperately to keep his expression as neutral as possible. He wasn’t sure he succeeded. “Go home.”

Still grinning, and wishing him a goodnight, Takaki did.

  
  


Living alone was almost exactly what Takaki said it was. The freedom was the best thing about it. His family was close enough to help him with anything he needed in terms of house-keeping, and money wasn’t really an issue, so none of that was of concern. But it could--and did--get lonely, too. Sometimes, Inoo would invite Daiki over and he would spend the night, occasionally bringing along whatever Hey! Say! 7 member was having a young teenager crisis at the time, sitting around on the floor together and eating cheap convenience store food. Aki came over a couple times too, complaining about how messy he was and forcing Inoo to watch whatever movie was her new favorite. 

The solitude was especially nice when the group began practicing for their upcoming tour. The days were long, exhausting, and mentally taxing, with skits, lines of dialogue, and choreography Inoo had to remember. It was good to be able to get home, collapse on the couch, and completely cease to be a normally functioning human being. He could walk around half naked and eat whatever was most convenient, then pass out in bed without judgement. 

When  _ Hey! Say! JUMP-ing Tour ‘08-’09  _ officially began, a problem Inoo hadn’t expected presented itself. It was near impossible to actually talk to Takaki on the phone. Inoo couldn’t come up with a good excuse to call him, and more than that, he couldn’t figure out where he could go so they could talk privately. They weren’t allowed to be out of their hotel rooms alone out of fear for their safety; if anyone wanted to leave the hotel room they needed at least their manager to tag along, if not another group member.

Inoo found himself sharing a room with Ryutaro. That was fine, and Inoo did really like the kid, but sometimes felt that he was a little too receptive for his own good. While he probably wouldn’t care at all about the answers, Inoo knew he would have questions as to why Inoo was calling Takaki on the phone at night, especially since they didn’t really talk to each other during the day and face to face. In all honesty, the question was a fair one; Inoo wasn’t sure he had an answer. But he still wanted to talk to Takaki. 

As if in accordance with his thoughts, Inoo’s phone began to ring, Takaki’s name on the screen. Inoo shot a quick glance over at Ryutaro--the kid in question had his DS screen lighting up his face, bulky headphones over his ears, and had not paid Inoo any mind for the past half hour--and after assessing that he probably wouldn’t care, slipped off into the bathroom. 

“You’re calling me?” He asked, too surprised to waste time on a greeting. 

“Well, yeah.” Takaki sounded slightly perturbed. “It’s the twenty-fourth. Is everything okay? Why are you whispering?”

“Where are you calling me from?” Inoo asked, wondering if Takaki was alone. They’d never explicitly said that they were keeping the phone calls a secret, but with the way they were ignored--and the way that they didn’t much acknowledge each other at all--Inoo had made the assumption that they were keeping that information on the down low. 

“I went out on the balcony.” Takaki said. “I’m staying with Yabu. We were out here talking, but then he went in.”

“You’re outside?” Inoo couldn’t keep the shock from his voice. “It’s freezing out there!” It was the end of November, Chinen’s fifteenth birthday only six days away. It wasn’t actually below zero outside yet, but it had been getting closer and closer over the past few days. 

“Yeah, but it’s our phone call day.” Takaki answered, sounding almost petulant. “We hadn’t missed one in almost six months. I didn’t want to start now.” 

That answer--that reasoning--had butterflies exploding in Inoo’s chest. Because Takaki was right; they’d called each other on the twenty-fourth every single month for nearly half a year. Things had started out a little shaky, with Inoo unsure if “phone call day” was enough of an excuse to dial Takaki’s number, but once he found out that it was, he used it. 

It wasn’t always him calling Takaki though, the simple fact that Takaki used the flimsy excuse to talk to him just as much as he did making things all the better. And they didn’t only talk one day of the month, but calls that landed on any other day usually had some purpose, some question needing answering or a conversation in mind. Even if they’d talked just the day before, one of them always called on the twenty-fourth. And Takaki wanted to keep the phone calls going so much that he was standing out in the cold alone.

“Oh!” Inoo couldn’t keep the swooning affection out of his voice--it would have killed him to try--so he exaggerated it instead, coming off sounding like a smothering aunt instead. “You wanted to talk to me!”

“It had better be worth it.” Takaki grumbled, though Inoo knew it wasn’t due to the cold conditions, and actually a reaction to his teasing. “I’m freezing my butt off out here.” 

“You’d better be careful, you don’t have much real estate to mess around with.” Inoo told him, getting a splutter in response. “What do you want from me to make it worth your while, stud?” 

At that, there was a clattering sound so loud that Inoo wrenched the phone from his ear in confusion. A quick scrambling noise followed, then there was silence, and Inoo had to ask.

“Did…” He didn’t know whether or not to laugh. “Did you just drop your phone?” 

“Don’t talk about my butt.” Takaki said back, and it was near impossible for Inoo to stifle his laughter into silence. “Why do you sound weird?” 

“I’m hiding in the bathroom.” Inoo finally decided to tell him. He’d expected a laugh, but Takaki just sounded confused.

“Why?” 

“I’m sharing a room with Morimoto, and I don’t really want him overhearing or asking questions.” He explained. “I mean, he probably doesn’t care, and I guess I don’t really care either, but I know that if he hears anything, he’s going to tell it to Chinen whether he thinks it’s interesting or not.” 

“That’s a good point.” Takaki allotted. “And if he tells Chinen, then Chinen is definitely going to ask me.”

He didn’t say why he didn’t want Chinen asking any questions, and Inoo didn’t ask for reasons. He just nodded to himself in silent confirmation that whatever they had going on, for whatever reason, was supposed to be private. 

“Who did you say you were staying with? Yabu, right?” Inoo had been there when all room keys had been handed out, but he truly hadn’t been paying attention.

“Yeah.” Inoo could almost hear Takaki shrug. “We’ve been hanging out more lately. He seemed really tired earlier though; he’ll probably be asleep by the time I go back in.”

“Probably.” Inoo agreed, though he didn’t really have any frame of reference to agree with Takaki or not. “I think Yabu might be gay.”

Takaki’s reaction was about what Inoo expected: a full seven seconds of radio silence, followed by “Yabu’s gay?”

“Could be.” Inoo answered. He shrugged a little, though he knew Takaki couldn’t see it. “I get a vibe.” 

“A… A vibe?” Takaki asked. “What vibe?” 

“I think only I can detect it.” Inoo was trying hard not to laugh. “You know, since we’re similar in that way.” 

“Do…” Takaki had lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “Do I have a vibe?” 

He sounded so genuine that Inoo couldn’t help it anymore, the laugh bursting from his chest so loudly that it almost hurt. 

“I--Hey!” Takaki seemed to realize that Inoo had been messing with him, his protest almost as loud as Inoo’s laugh. There was amusement in his tone when he continued though, the smile Inoo was imagining on his face making his heart swell. “You’re so mean!”

“I can’t help it, you just make it so easy.” 

“So is Yabu isn’t gay?”

“I don’t know.” Inoo, tired of perching himself on the edge of the sink, slid down to sit on the bathroom rug and leaned back against the wall. “He could be.” 

“You can’t tell?”

“I’m not saying that stereotypes don’t exist for a reason, but you can’t tell for sure just by looking if another person is gay or not.” Inoo explained, wondering when this stupid conversation had actually gotten serious. “There’s no kind of ‘gay radar’ thing. That isn’t actually real. Most of the time it’s just a ‘please be gay’ radar thing.” 

Takaki chuckled a little at that. Before he could respond though, the bathroom door was wrenched open. 

Ryutaro didn’t look the least bit surprised to see Inoo in there, or abashed in any way, as most teenage boys would be upon seeing another boy in the bathroom. He just looked at him for a couple of moments, taking in the fact that Inoo was sitting on the floor, and slipped his headphones down for them to rest around his neck.

“You’re being weird in here.” Ryutaro informed him. “I need to go to the bathroom.” 

“Okay.” Inoo allotted because yes, that was fair. Then, into the phone, “I’ve got to go. Bye mom!”

“Mom?” Takaki echoed in confusion, but that’s as far as he got before Inoo hung up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhh OC shows up in this chapter so watch out for that  
he's not here for too terribly long but I apologize in advance if that's not your cup of tea

When the tour ended and 2009 began, Inoo enrolled in Meiji University. The idea of it all was daunting, but he wasn’t giving up on going, not allowing himself to let high school be a waste. That wasn’t the reason he gave when people asked of course, simply shrugging instead and saying that he simply wanted to. 

He had goals, goals in place for his years at Meiji. He would have fun in university. He would work hard. Learn. Gain some life experiences. Fully graduate in four years as a grown man with a degree and some new friends. 

The group wasn’t lined up to release any new songs this year, and while that should have been a relief, letting Inoo adjust to going to school without the added workload of filming and recording and promoting, it was a bit of a letdown, too. Inoo was really beginning to enjoy being an idol, the activities as fun as they were exhausting, his group mates now his best friends. Without any idol work to give his attention to, Inoo was forced to focus entirely on school. 

Genuinely, it was probably for the best. The group was, quite literally, going through some growing pains, and Inoo felt that if all of the band members had been forced to see each other outside of the standard hours used for dance practice and vocal training, they just might have killed each other. 

The youngest five were the worst. Inoo understood why—they were confused, competitive, hormonal teenagers with a considerable amount of stress on their shoulders—but that understanding didn’t do anything to rectify the situation.

If he were made to point fingers, Inoo would say that the most disruptive were Yuto and Yamada. Not that they were bad kids—none of Hey! Say! 7 were bad kids—but they had the power to bring out the worst in each other. There was a rivalry there, so fiercely unspoken that Inoo wasn’t sure if they were aware of it on anything more than a subconscious level. Yamada was quick to anger, and yell, and delete people’s number from his cell phone, a bad habit that had already led to a handful of stressful miscommunications. 

Yuto didn’t do much yelling, opting instead to give everyone in the world the cold shoulder, which wasn’t particularly difficult to deal with, but still always jarring when coming from a kid as happy and friendly as Yuto. It threw Okamoto off the worst, so if Yuto was already gone, Okamoto’s entire day was a wash, his apologizing more grating than all the things he would get wrong. 

Chinen could be a real brat if he wanted to, unafraid to use his sharp words, petulant attitude, and baby face to his advantage. But it was hard to stay mad at Chinen, though Inoo had a hard time telling if that was because Chinen genuinely was a good kid, or because he had all of them so wrapped around his finger that disciplining him was near impossible. Chinen didn’t often get angry though, not in the way the other teenagers did, so not much action was needed anyway. 

Ryutaro was as quick to anger as Yamada was, and they were often angry at each other. Despite this, Inoo found himself getting along with Ryutaro surprisingly well, especially for how much younger he was. Often, Inoo was a little concerned by how stressed out Ryutaro was; the kid seemed more stressed out than he himself, but Inoo had no idea what on earth a fourteen year old had to be so worried about. 

Because of all of this, Inoo was glad for his excuse of schoolwork, and didn’t have to spend as much extra time putting out fires as Daiki, Hikaru, and Yabu did. Daiki was the best, using his baby face and that natural, endless positive energy he was gifted with to bridge the gap between the youngest five and the older four. It wasn’t always bad—it wasn’t even mostly bad—but Inoo had a feeling that without Arioka Daiki, Hey Say JUMP would have fallen apart. And thankfully they didn’t, in that year of radio silence, because they had become Inoo’s favorite thing in the world. 

It wasn’t as though they did nothing, though. They had a spring concert, shot a photobook, and began talks of recording their first album. Yamada began getting cast in television shows, his popularity growing, he and Chinen picked to be in a subunit with a kid named Nakayama Yuma. And it seemed that the busier the younger kids got, the less energy they had within themselves to argue, things beginning to pan out when 2010 rolled into view. 

It was difficult, after so long, to release a single again. The song was called  _ Hitomi no SCREEN,  _ and was for a drama of Yamada’s. The music video was fun and the audio recording was fine--though it was nice to hear how much they’d all improved vocally over the past year--but those were all one day activities. Promotions were the thing Inoo was nervous about in terms of time management with his school work. He was almost as nervous about that as he was about the release itself. 

He expected something to happen. He expected someone to notice him. He was waiting for the people in his various university classes to notice him, to recognize him, and for the teasing to start up again. It all had been nice, to move away and start school with a complete group of strangers, but the closer the end of February got, the more it felt like nothing but a distraction, like running from the inevitable. 

The release date came, and went, and not a single person in Inoo’s personal life had anything to say about it. School was just too distracting. He wasn’t the only celebrity at Meiji University, with other musicians or actors or other talents. Nobody cared. Nobody cared about him at all and it was wonderful. 

Promotions were hard, though. Possibly the hardest part, though touring wasn’t exactly a walk in the park either. It was almost nice, almost relaxing that year to have a crush on Takaki; Inoo could take a short break to think about him, instead of thoughts plagued with stress about an oncoming exam. He could stare at him during practice, and feel a little of the tension leave his shoulders. 

The crush still wasn’t anything serious. In truth, Inoo was surprised that it was still there at all. He didn’t have many long term crushes on people, like he’d said; usually, if the other person didn’t show any interest back, Inoo lost interest in return. He figured it was just a proximity thing. Takaki was attractive, and friendly, and nice to him, but he truly didn’t expect for it to go anywhere. In a weird way, that was almost better. By knowing that Takaki wasn’t interested, Inoo didn’t have to concern himself too much over interactions or read too much into things that Takaki said to him. He could just get a greeting and a smile from Takaki, and have his day made. 

“Just drop out of college.” Takaki insisted, when Inoo was lamenting over the phone to him yet again about schoolwork. “You don’t need it anyway.”

“That isn’t the point.” Inoo insisted back, staring down at an essay he had to write. He’d decided this year that he wanted to major in architecture, so now all classes he had to take that didn’t directly pertain to designing buildings and bridges became pointless wastes of time. “I’m proving something to myself.”

“Yeah?” Takaki asked. “That you can do it? Be an idol and a student at the same time?” 

“No.”

“That you can die from working too hard before you hit twenty-five?”

“No, shut up.” Inoo told him, though that suggestion had made him laugh a little. “I’m trying to prove that my three years in high school weren’t useless. That I didn’t put myself through all that torture for nothing.”

“Oh.” Takaki said after a quiet moment. All of their conversations lately, somehow, had turned serious in one way or another. “...was it really that bad?”

“I mean, it could have been worse. They never like… Got really physical with me.” 

“They still fucking sucked though.” Takaki agreed, Inoo surprised to hear the rude word come from Takaki’s mouth.

“Yeah. They still fucking sucked.”

“And all because they thought you were gay? That’s like… That’s messed up.”

“I think the idol thing was more of a draw.” Inoo said with a bit of a laugh. “But the support is appreciated.”

“I… Yeah.” Takaki sounded a little surprised. “Of course.”

Inoo let his eyes trail over his essay, seriously considering just giving up for the night and trying to complete it in the morning when Takaki spoke again.

“I didn’t even go to high school.” He said. “Not really. I dropped out before I really got started.”

“You dropped out before we debuted?” Inoo asked in surprise. He’d known Takaki didn’t finish school, but he didn’t know how early he’d abandoned education. He was almost envious of that recklessness. “You’re crazy.”

“Eh, decided I didn’t like it.”

“Thought you could coast through life on your good looks, huh?” 

That had Takaki laughing. “I guess, something like that.”

“Well, it’s working. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” There was still amusement in Takaki's voice. “It’s late. I’ll hang up so you can finish your homework.”

“No, please. I would so much rather be talking to you.”

“But I don’t want to be distracting.”

“Well, don’t you give yourself a lot of credit.”

“Shut up.” Inoo could almost hear the eye roll. “Isn’t that essay due tomorrow?”

“...yeah.” Inoo answered reluctantly, fully expecting his answer to be the reason Takaki would use to break the call, but instead Takaki surprised him.

“So tell me about it. Let’s get it done.”

  
  


They released their seventh single just two weeks before the year ended, and entered 2011 on music shows promoting their new music. Inoo was now two years into his college career, with two more years to go. He’d gotten used to the push and pull of a new semester, the wave of friends that would leave due to mismatched schedules that Inoo wouldn’t see again. The friends Inoo made in his classes weren’t very serious, or designed to stick around; they were people that he probably knew the name of, that were good to sit next to, that he could maybe study with on the off chance that he had some free time after class to hang out on campus. He was used to expecting a new batch of faces, to sit somewhere on his own and just see what happened. 

Which was why it was such a surprise when he walked into a lecture hall on the first day of his Intermediate Engineering class and made eye contact with a familiar young man his own age sitting up in the back of the room. Inoo looked away as soon as he recognized him, an odd feeling flushing through his entire body, and quickly picked a seat near the front of the lecture hall. It was the boy that had been new to their high school in Inoo’s final year, the one that had--on more than one occasion--simply watched as Inoo got shoved around. 

It was almost jarring to see someone from the past like that, and Inoo wasn’t sure he liked it. The guy had been neutral to him in any interactions they’d had to have back in high school, so Inoo felt strange about harboring him any ill will, trying to put it from his mind instead. He wasn’t in class to make friends, and never had been. He’d just get through this semester, and this guy would be gone to the wind like all the other people in his classes.

The guy stuck in his mind though, for reasons he couldn’t explain. And again, like he had in high school, Inoo found himself glancing over without meaning to, looking behind himself to catch a glimpse of the guy before looking away. And, like he had in high school, he was always surprised to see the guy already looking over at him whenever he turned. 

After a couple weeks of this, Inoo was trying to leave class when someone bumped him hard in the shoulder. He stumbled, running into the wall with his other shoulder, the action shooting a dull ache all the way down his arm and forcing him to drop his bag. It hurt, and it scared him, and he scrambled to just pick up his things and leave when a hand grabbed his arm. 

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

The reaction was so different to any of the other times that Inoo had found himself shoved into a wall in a classroom that for a solid ten seconds, he didn’t know what to do. He simply stopped, frozen for a long moment, then looked up at whoever it was that had run into him. 

It was the guy, the guy that he kept looking at. This guy’s hair was brown, a brown so dark that it would have looked black if not for the brightness of the fluorescent lights. His eyes were very thin and the irises dark, nearly completely covered by bangs a little too long. Something about his nose, his lips, and his chin were weirdly familiar to Inoo, but he couldn’t place why, distracted quickly by his clothes, a huge dark green jacket and baggy brown pants that looked too expensive for just how ill-fitted they were on him. His hand was still on Inoo’s arm. 

“Yeah, sorry.” Inoo found himself saying, but when he stooped to pick up his bag he realized the guy was already carrying it, even more dumbfounded when he reached over and put it on Inoo’s shoulder for him. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Got my hair in my face.” The guy said, gesturing to his bangs in almost a good-natured way, like his long hair was some sort of shared joke between them. He gave a little bow of introduction. “I’m Ito Takumi.” 

“Inoo Kei.” Inoo offered back, and one of the guy’s eyebrows went up. 

“Have I heard that name before?” He asked, and Inoo quickly shook his head, a bolt of fear going through his chest. Was he being recognized?

“It’s… It’s a common last name, where I’m from.” He lied.

“And where’s that?” 

“Saitama.” That, at least, was true, and Inoo found himself wishing that he’d lied about that too. He tried to tell himself it was vague enough. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” The guy--Takumi, Inoo figured he should start referring to him by some sort of name--began walking, but since he’d been asked a question, Inoo assumed he should follow. It would be better to continue on his way anyway, than keep standing in the lecture hall walkway. “You seem a little…” 

Another hand gesture, one that was weird and half lazy looking and carrying some implication that Inoo didn’t really understand. 

“Yeah.” Inoo said again. 

“I’ve noticed you looking at me.” Takumi said, and that threw Inoo completely for a loop. He fumbled for a moment with a response. 

“Oh, I uh… I couldn’t tell if I recognized you or not.” That wasn’t true either, but he couldn’t think of anything better. Takumi leaned back from him as they walked, narrow eyes narrowing even further as they scanned Inoo’s face. 

“Did we go to high school together?” He finally asked. “Last semester of the last year. My family moved, and I ended up transferring.” 

“I think so.” Inoo said, and Takumi nodded a little to himself. 

“Maybe that’s what’s familiar about you.” He said, and Inoo felt his shoulders sag slightly in relief. “I’ve gotta go, but it was really, really nice talking to you.” His hand was on Inoo’s arm again. “I’ll see you next class.” 

“Okay.” Inoo said, for lack of anything else, and Ito Takumi took a left turn down a hallway and disappeared. 

Inoo wanted to call Daiki about the encounter, wanted to tell him about what happened and have Daiki empathize with him about it being weird and tell him how to proceed. He felt that he knew, though, what Daiki would say. 

Daiki would tell him to be open minded, and open to the idea of making friends, and to let this happen and see where it went. Not in a way that brushed off his feelings, but in a Daiki sort of way that always looked for the best in situations, and in people. Daiki would be more concerned for him if Inoo voiced any deeper worries, but that was something Inoo was hesitant to do. Because again, this guy hadn’t done anything wrong. 

He’d been nice; friendly even, saying that it had been nice to talk to him and hinting that it would happen again. He’d picked Inoo’s bag up for him, and asked questions about him. He’d touched Inoo’s arm a lot. 

Inoo couldn’t help but feel that maybe it was his own fault. He’d kept himself so closed off at school that now that someone was talking to him, he didn’t know how to handle it. He hadn’t made a new friend outside of work in literal years; he hadn’t made a new friend at all in a while, sticking close to his bandmates and letting his relationship with them grow instead. He was uneasy because he was uncomfortable, he supposed. He hadn’t realized that despite how many people he was now in front of, between cameras and performances and recorded videos, how socially inept he’d gotten. 

So he didn’t call Daiki, determined to keep this social shortcoming to himself. He should have realized, however, that in his call with Takaki two days later, it would come out anyway. 

“I think I’m making a new friend.” Inoo reported, when Takaki asked him how school was going. 

“Yeah?” Takaki asked back. “That’s good.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“You guess?” 

“He’s…” Inoo flopped onto his back. He was lying in bed, air leaving him in a sort of sighing sound when he hit his pillows. “He’s weird, I think.” 

“What’s weird about him?” Takaki asked, and this time the question was followed up by a horrible crunching sound, so horrible that it made Inoo roll onto his stomach and shove his face into his pillow. 

“Stop eating chips in my ear. It’s disgusting.” He told Takaki, but as he knew would happen, all his complaining got him was another loud crunch. “I keep lying to him.”

“Wait.” Takaki said, after a slight hum to show he was listening, as though just realizing what Inoo had said. “You’re lying to him, and he’s the weird one? It sounds like you’re the one with the problem.” 

“I don’t have a problem.”

“You do! You lie all the time.” 

“Do not.” 

“Yesterday you told me that practice started at five, but it actually started at four, and I was late.” 

“Okay, fine.” Inoo allotted, because yes, that was true. That had happened, and it had been kind of funny, too. “I just couldn’t remember what time it started at, and I didn’t feel like looking it up. You should have checked the schedule.” 

“I thought I could trust you!” 

“Then that was your first mistake, wasn’t it?” Inoo put a dramatic lilt in his voice at the question, and despite the indignance in Takaki’s voice, it earned him a laugh. “But I don’t lie to you about the important stuff.”

“I feel like being at work on time is pretty important.” Takaki muttered begrudgingly, but allowed the statement anyway. “What do you lie to him about?” 

“I don’t want him to know I’m an idol.” Inoo rolled back onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “He went to my high school so I’m just afraid, I guess.” 

“He’s one of the assholes from your high school? Stay away from him.” 

“He’s not.” Inoo said quickly. “We didn’t actually know each other at all. I’m not sure how he never found out; maybe because he transferred in really late? But yeah, he started sitting next to me in class now. He keeps asking if I want to study with him.” 

“Do you?” 

“I don’t know. Probably.” Inoo rolled onto his side. “He touches my arm a lot.” 

There was a moment of silence across the line. 

“Touches your arm?” Takaki finally said. “Like… Where on your arm?” 

“The upper part.” Inoo placed his free hand on his bicep, despite Takaki not being there for a demonstration. “He does it whenever he turns to talk to me. It’s kind of distracting, actually.” 

“Distracting?” Takaki’s voice had reached a sort of incredulity. “Inoo, he’s flirting with you.” 

“What?” Inoo’s head jerked back of its own accord, rejecting the idea immediately. “I’m sure he doesn’t--he’s not--” But was he? All the questions, and the quick companionship; it all felt way too fast. The touching was hard to explain away, though. “Do you think so?” 

“Touching a guy’s arm is definitely step one.” Takaki said confidently. Inoo narrowed his eyes. 

“Did you read that in a girly magazine or something?” He asked suspiciously. 

“I’m just saying that it’s true.” Takaki answered, and Inoo fell into thought. He didn’t know how my he trusted Takaki’s flirting expertise, but if Takaki was right and the guy, Takumi, was actually flirting with him… Inoo had to admit, he didn’t hate the idea.

“Do you think he… Do you think he likes me, then?” Inoo asked, unable to help himself.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what flirting means.” Takaki responded. “Do you like him?”

“I…” No. Inoo didn’t, definitely not in a romantic way. But honestly, it wasn’t like Takumi was an ugly guy or anything. “I don’t think so. But… I don’t know.” 

What would he say, if Takumi asked him out? He would have to decline, or else explain his celebrity status and the need for discretion. It felt weird, the idea of accepting someone’s confession without returning their feelings, but it wasn’t like Inoo’s own crush on Takaki was actually going anywhere. 

“Are you going to like… Kiss him, and stuff?” Takaki asked. He sounded uncomfortable, but the question was so distracting that Inoo barely noticed. 

“What? Probably not.” Oh. Kissing him. Inoo hadn’t even been thinking that far ahead, his stomach now churning with something that he couldn’t say  _ wasn’t  _ excitement. Again, it felt weird, the idea of kissing someone without liking them back, but Inoo, in his limited social skills, hadn’t had his first real kiss yet, and he really, really wanted to. He’d been thinking about, dreaming about kissing another boy since he was twelve, and the fact that he might actually have the opportunity almost felt like it would be a stupid thing to pass up. He could kiss someone. Not someone that he liked, not exactly, but someone that was at least in the correct ball park. It might be worth a shot.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inoo gets himself smooched, and 2011 happens. Some good and some bad.

He and Takumi ended up becoming somewhat friends. They weren’t friends in the extracurricular sense; they didn’t go anywhere together, or do anything outside of school. They didn’t even exchange phone numbers. They just sat next to each other in class, and would study together in a study room afterwards if Inoo’s schedule permitted. Now that Takaki had pointed it out, the arm touching did seem like it was trying to attract his attention, but without advances in any other way, Inoo didn’t feel comfortable thinking that maybe Takumi liked him. 

“You got bullied, didn’t you?” Takumi asked, seemingly out of nowhere. The question, asked so openly, was so unexpected that for a moment Inoo wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react. 

“What?”

“In school.” It was just the two of them, tucked away in a small study room in the back of the university library. It was where they usually met, the room so small that it technically was only meant to have one student inside it at a time. But the library assistant was an engineering student too, and understood their struggle, so they were allowed to use the room together. “In high school. You used to get bullied, right? I think I remember that.”

Think he remembered that? The wording was so vague that it almost sounded like a line from someone that had just gotten hit over the head. But it was true, and Inoo found himself nodding. 

“Yeah, a little.” 

“It was more than a little though, wasn’t it?” 

Inoo couldn’t help a frown from forming on his face, glancing over. Takumi was simply staring at him, chin in hand. Inoo didn’t want to talk about this, and he knew his body language was showing his discomfort, but Takumi was still looking at him in expectation of an answer. 

“I never got beat up.” 

“Well, that’s good for you.” Takumi pulled himself up from a slouch to more of a sitting position. “What did they bully you for, anyway? Were you the brainy nerd in class that wouldn’t share his homework?” 

The casual tone felt belittling, and Inoo bit down on the side of his tongue. 

“No.” He said resolutely, but the word was out of his mouth before he realized that he hadn’t actually come up with an answer that he could tell Takumi. Takumi didn’t know he was an idol, and Inoo was desperate to keep it that way. He didn’t really know why, but something in his gut told him that letting him in on that information would just be a bad idea. But he couldn’t use ‘idol work’ as a reason for the bullying, and he only had one more excuse. “The bullies all thought I was gay, that’s all.” 

“Ah.” The sound of the affirmation was almost knowing in a way, and Takumi looked down at the table for a moment before sending a brief glance back at Inoo. “Well?” 

“Well what?” 

“Are you gay?” 

“Wha--no!” Inoo felt his face flare up. The adamance and speed of his own answer surprised him, and Takumi even leaned back, an eyebrow raised. Inoo didn’t expect himself to have such a strong reaction. He was very to terms with himself in regards to his sexuality, comfortable making jokes about it with Daiki, and now even at ease whenever it was brought up in conversation with Takaki. He didn’t know why the question would make him panic so much, but here he was. “They just--I just wasn’t manly enough for them, I guess. They were all idiots anyway.” 

“So…” Takumi still had an eyebrow raised. “You’re not gay?”

Inoo paused at that, unwilling to look at him. He didn’t know how to respond, feeling a struggling mix of not wanting to actually come out and not wanting to fully deny it. While he sat there in silence, Takumi moved again, sitting a little closer, lifting a hand near Inoo’s face. 

“Hey,” he said, and Inoo glanced over at him, and Takumi kissed him fully on the mouth. 

Inoo felt the breath leave his lungs. Whether it was from surprise or something else he couldn’t say, because in the moment, he wasn’t even thinking. He’d thought it would be weird, to kiss someone that he didn’t have romantic feelings for, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. Lips moved against his own in a way that seemed almost urgent, the kiss pressing firm against his mouth, making his head spin. 

Takumi moved back, and Inoo was just barely able to stop himself from leaning after him, just to keep that contact. He took a heavy breath in. He’d thought about boys, and about kissing boys, and just how that might feel for a long while now, but the real thing was better. That ‘what if’ was now gone, the worry that it wouldn’t feel right, wouldn’t be right, because his sexuality wasn’t supposed to be “right” either. But it was. It felt like one of the most right things in the universe. 

“Kiss me again.” Inoo said, the words coming out all at once, though his voice was soft, and felt weak as it moved through his chest. “Please.” 

The corners of Takumi’s lips quirked upwards in a bit of a smile, and he leaned in again. 

They could have gotten caught. They could have easily gotten caught, and that should have been on Inoo’s mind, but he felt completely incapable of focusing on anything except the lips that were on his, the way Takumi’s hands moved, long-fingered and knuckled and warm, against his chest and around his waist and into his hair. He smelled faintly like both shampoo and cologne, something Inoo didn’t even register until he had to pull back for a full inhale through both his mouth and nose at once, his chest so needy for oxygen. 

Takumi kissed him again before he’d fully closed his mouth, and that, that was new. Better, his legs feeling weak as he sat there, his arms around Takumi’s neck, Takumi’s tongue crossing his lower lip and touching the roof of his mouth for just a moment. His teeth grazed Inoo’s lower lip, causing a shiver that he couldn’t have hidden if he tried. 

A loud buzzing sound went off and Inoo jolted back, his eyes shooting open, fear rushing up his chest so fast it made him lightheaded. It was just Takumi’s cell phone, lying face down on the table they’d splayed their books and notes across, buzzing with a call waiting to be answered. Takumi picked his phone up, looked at the screen for a moment, declined the call, and got to his feet. 

“I’ve got to go.” He said. He met Inoo’s eyes, looking much less dazed than Inoo himself felt, though his kiss-wet lips were full and flushed with color and his hair was mussed up just enough to be noticeable, and Inoo knew instantly that the image of him standing there was one he would keep with him for a while. “See you next class, yeah?” 

The question was a rhetorical one, and without waiting for an answer, he was gone. Inoo, now horribly late to be getting home, still had to sit there for a solid fifteen minutes and replay what had happened, and how it had all felt, touching his lips with his fingertips. 

The only previous perspective Inoo had on kisses was a silly one he’d shared with a girl on the playground back in elementary school, because they were playing house together and she was the wife that he hadn’t even wanted to have. It had been nothing more than a bland press of lips on lips, and while Inoo had always known that a real kiss would be leagues ahead of something like that, he hadn’t thought it would feel that good. Not even in a sexual way, but just the way that it felt nice, that it seemed to sit in his chest in a way that was exciting, sure, but still felt right. And if kisses could feel like this with someone that he didn’t even have feelings for, Inoo couldn’t even imagine how it would feel to kiss someone he loved. 

He waited until he was home and locked safely in his room before pulling out his phone and calling Daiki. Because he had to talk to someone, had to tell someone about what had happened, and the idea of telling Takaki made something in his gut twist. 

“Hi Inoo! How was class today?” Daiki’s voice was chipper, and school was so far from Inoo’s mind that the question threw him for a loop. 

“Oh, uh… It was fine I guess.” 

“Yeah? That’s fine I guess.” Daiki responded, obviously intending to be copying Inoo’s distracted voice. “I’m kidding. What’s up?” 

“I, um…” Inoo bit his bottom lip for a moment, the confession feeling girlish, almost like he was sharing playground gossip. It was also hard to keep from smiling. “I kissed someone.” 

“What?” Daiki exclaimed after a beat, his voice loud and shocked. “Who? When?” 

“Today. At, uh, at school actually.”

“Who?” 

“Oh. Well, you know, that new kid from my high school?” 

“...who?” 

The complete confusion in Daiki’s voice perplexed Inoo for a moment until he remembered that he hadn’t shared much of his personal life with Daiki lately. Takaki would have known immediately who he was talking about, but Inoo had to take a couple of minutes filling Daiki in on his whole classmate situation. It didn’t get embarrassing until the story narrowed in on the end of the day, and what exactly had happened.

“Then we started talking about high school, and what we remembered about each other,” that wasn’t entirely true, but Inoo wasn’t about to own up to a casually uncomfortable interrogation, “and we talked a bit about the bullying. Then he asked me if I was gay, and when I didn’t really give him an answer he kissed me. And it… It was really nice.”

“It was nice?” Daiki asked, sounding almost surprised, and Inoo laughed out loud. 

“I know, right?” He asked back. “I was really shocked about it too. I thought it might be weird, because honestly—I don’t really think I like him _like that,_ but it wasn’t.” 

“Maybe he’s a really good kisser.” Daiki said, a playful grin in his voice, and Inoo felt a bright blush flood up into his face. 

“I… I mean I guess, I don’t know, I…” Inoo realized he wouldn’t really know what a good kiss was, the inexperienced feeling making him a bit embarrassed. But he thought that he could probably recognize a bad kiss if he felt it, and it certainly hadn’t been bad. “I probably suck.”

“Oh, do you?” 

“Stop!” Inoo yelled at the double entendre, resisting the urge to clap his hands over his ears, and Daiki burst into loud laughter. This teasing and happiness and acceptance from Daiki was almost better than the kiss itself, because somewhere inside him, Inoo had been afraid. It was one thing to simply say you were gay, and another to actually act on it, and Inoo had been nervous that actually  _ being _ gay might turn Daiki away. He’d always known the fear was irrational, but now it just felt stupid. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Daiki was saying, and Inoo laughed. 

“We didn’t really get far at all.” He said. “We just kissed, and then his phone went off. It really, really scared me, but I don’t know why.” 

“His phone?” Daiki asked, his voice now hesitant and slow, immediately giving Inoo pause. “Inoo, this…” 

“What?”

“This could be really risky.” 

Inoo swallowed. “How? I’m not going to--” 

“If anyone sees you--”

“We were hiding in the back of the library.” Inoo cut him off, frowning. “We were in a study room with a permanent ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door, it’s not like we were--”

“Is this guy your boyfriend now?” 

“No.” Inoo said instantly, the speed on his own answer surprising him. But it was true, they weren’t dating, and in all honesty if Takumi asked Inoo would probably still turn him down. Though not being able to kiss him again would be a serious drawback. “No, definitely not.” 

“But do you trust him?” Daiki asked, and Inoo understood the implications of the question. Did he trust this guy--this guy, that was only a few degrees of separation from being a complete stranger--not to tell anyone, or try to film or take pictures that could make their way to the presses and come back to bite him later. 

“He doesn’t know who I am.” Inoo said quickly. “I made sure. He doesn’t know that I’m…” Famous? An idol? “He doesn’t know that I’m anything.” 

“Okay.” Daiki said after a long moment of contemplation. “I just… I just want you to be careful.” 

“Yeah, I know.” In all honesty Inoo hadn’t been thinking about any of that, hadn’t given a thought to the possibility that Takumi could have some malicious ulterior motive. The phone ringing had scared the shit out of him, sure, but in the actual moment he’d been much too distracted.

“Not that I don’t want you to, you know, find love and stuff, ” Daiki began, and Inoo had the sudden urge to escape this conversation as soon as humanly possible. “I just--”

“Hey Daiki? I’ve got to go.” Inoo interrupted. He had a couple of reasons on the tip of his tongue--time-sensitive homework, just finished making dinner--but they didn’t end up making it past his lips. “I just wanted to--you know, keep you updated.”

“Yeah, sure.” The protective edge in Daiki’s voice softened a little bit at that. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Bright and early!” Inoo responded, and Daiki laughed, saying his goodbye. After responding in kind, Inoo hung up, feeling upset. 

He knew Daiki was right, and that Daiki was being realistic, but really all Inoo had wanted was someone to be happy with him. And Daiki had, until it had gotten ruined. Inoo wanted to go back to the moments before, but he couldn’t, and there was no one else than Daiki that Inoo was open enough to turn to. 

Takaki was the only other one that even knew about the new guy, but again something about telling him felt weird. It felt… Bad, almost. Like he’d done something wrong. Like he’d cheated on Takaki, maybe, which was dumb and stupid and didn’t even make sense, but that’s how it felt anyway. 

Inoo didn’t want to lie to Takaki either, resolving that if he was asked, he would be honest. But only if he was asked. Thankfully, when their next conversation rolled around, Takaki had a topic in mind. 

“You used to think I was attractive, right?” Takaki asked, without a greeting or an introduction. 

“I… What?” Inoo asked, completely bewildered. He was sitting at his desk, trying to get all of his homework done; he’d spent time in the study room after class with Takumi, but they’d been too preoccupied with each other to even open their books, and now he was behind. 

“You, uh--” Takaki suddenly sounded very embarrassed, but still went through with his question. “You used to think that I was attractive, didn’t you?”

A grin curled Inoo’s lips, unable to resist the opportunity to tease. 

“Fishing for a compliment?” He asked. “You want me to tell you how handsome and sexy you are?” 

Usually, when Inoo put on a teasing voice and made any insinuations to anything flirty, Takaki got very flustered very fast and told him to shut up. This time was different. 

“I’m--I’m serious.” He said instead, and Inoo could tell by his voice that, surprisingly enough, he was. “I’m actually asking.”

“I… Why? What’s going on?” 

“I just…” Takaki heaved out a sigh, sounding reluctant, but he told Inoo anyway, and Inoo was surprised all over again just for that. “They updated our profiles on the website yesterday.”

“Yeah, and…?” 

“And I’m the heaviest guy in the group.” 

The confession sat there for a solid moment, and Inoo had fully gone from surprised to baffled. 

“So? Someone has to be.” 

“Yeah, but…” There was a frown in Takaki’s voice, but everything about the situation was so bewildering that Inoo didn’t know what to do. “But it’s me.”

“Why does it bother you? You’re an adult man now. You’ve gotta be big and strong.”

“Oh, shut up.” Takaki said, and while there was some humor in it, there wasn’t as much as usual when Takaki got annoyed with him being silly. “Yabu is taller than me. Yuto is already taller than me. And you and Hikaru are the same height as me now.” 

“Yeah, and Yabu’s so stick thin that if he winked he would turn into a sewing needle. That’s why he always has to close both of his eyes at the same time.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“He’s been cursed, didn’t you know?”

“Inoo…” 

Inoo tried to get a little more serious, not wanting to make Takaki feel embarrassed by trying to confide in him about something personal. 

“Takaki, I know I’m making jokes, but that’s just because you really don’t have anything to worry about. You’re fit, and you’re healthy and stuff, and we’re all still turning into adults.”

“Yeah, but I’m wider than you guys, and it’s not like I have a lot of muscle.”

“Just give it a couple more years, and Okamoto will be the heaviest of all of us. That kid’s head is huge.” That caused Takaki to properly burst out laughing, and Inoo felt a spark of pride in his chest at the sound. “And for the record, I didn’t used to think you were attractive.”

“What?” Takaki asked quickly, so quickly that it almost had an edge of panic to it. Inoo laughed. 

“It isn’t a ‘used to’ thing! I still think you’re attractive. I really do.”

“...seriously?”

“Seriously, yeah.” He sounded too honest, Inoo realized in a panic, deciding to turn up the dramatics. “You’re the sexiest one. With that deep voice and completely fried hair of yours.”

“Shut up.” Takaki said with a laugh, but Inoo didn’t, whining Takaki’s name in a girlish tone until Takaki threatened to hang up on him, though he was laughing the entire time.

“Sorry about… About all of this.” Takaki said after a moment. “I just, I don’t know. I was being stupid I guess.” 

“We’re all stupid sometimes.” Inoo responded with a shrug. “And besides, that’s what--” He’d been about to say “that’s what friends are for”, but he and Takaki had never called each other friends before. He was sure that they were friends, but knowing it and saying it aloud felt like two different things. “That’s what I’m here for. To give you compliments on your sexy, sexy bod.” 

“You’re the worst.” Takaki said, and Inoo could almost hear the blush on his face. 

“Me? The worst? Really?”

“Yes. The worst person in the world.” Another light laugh. “Thanks.” 

Takaki’s voice had gone soft and quiet, and Inoo found himself cradling his cell phone to his ear, leaning in to the receiver, unable not to smile. 

“Yeah. ‘Course.” 

“I’ll leave you alone now, I’m sure you’ve got work to do.” Takaki said, and this time Inoo didn’t protest--not only because it was true, he had tons he needed to get done--but because the moment felt a little too fragile to try to disrupt. Takaki said his goodbyes, Inoo did the same, and he hung up. 

Inoo decided to take his role of complimenting Takaki’s sexy, sexy bod seriously. Inoo didn’t consider himself to be particularly confident, but he did know that confidence issues could kill--that was half of Keito’s entire problem--and didn’t want Takaki to develop any when there was nothing for him to worry about. Besides, it wasn’t like it would be hard, finding things to compliment Takaki on. So he started making comments every once and a while. 

The first one was completely nerve-wracking. It was just during practice, all of them in loose clothes from home, half of them in hats. Takaki was in what looked like an old t-shirt, but it was a nice, royal red color that kept drawing Inoo’s eye. After practice, with most of the kids working on packing up and going home, Inoo had caught Takaki’s arm before turning to go. 

“Hey, you look nice in red.” He said, trying so hard to be casual about it that it almost hurt. He didn’t understand, really, what his problem was; he’d fully put his tongue in Takumi’s mouth just yesterday without even the slightest hint of embarrassment, but couldn’t pay Takaki a simple compliment in person without tripping over himself. 

It had taken Takaki a moment to understand what Inoo was even trying to say, glancing down at his shirt and plucking at the fabric in realization. 

“Oh, really? Thanks.” And he’d smiled, the smile bright and sincere and forefront in Inoo’s mind as he fell asleep that night.

It was easy, giving Takaki compliments. He tried not to do it when anyone else was around, and didn’t do it often, even texting him on one or two occasions if he was afraid that anyone else in the group would notice. Texting became a little more prominent as the year wore on, because they were rehearsing and recording and getting ready to release another song, a single called  _ OVER,  _ their first release of the year. 

Things within the group had really and truly calmed down. With Yuto growing incredibly close with Keito and Yamada and Chinen extremely busy with their new subunit NYC, the younger kids didn’t fight much anymore. All of them had improved enough for Yabu and Hikaru to calm down a bit. Their last single had been pretty heavy with choreography, and the news was that their next single would be relatively dance heavy as well, so they’d shifted some of their focus on learning and perfecting various choreographed sequences that were put together for them. It was fun to have a group goal for all of them to work towards that wasn’t as vague as to simply “get better”, so while things weren’t perfect by any means, they were good.

Ryutaro’s scandal came out of nowhere. With the release of  _ OVER  _ only hours away, Inoo walked into work, entered the practice room, and saw a horrible look on Yabu’s face.

“What?” He asked. “What’s going on?” 

Hikaru had his arm looped around Yabu’s own, providing a little bit of physical contact that Yabu looked like he desperately needed. 

Nobody spoke as they entered, and Inoo didn’t want to pester, so he simply sat on Hikaru’s other side. When everyone but Ryutaro had arrived, they were called down to Johnny’s office. 

Ryutaro was already there, his head down, his eyes red with tears, and Johnny told them personally how they were to proceed. They were going forward with the release as-is, too late for anything to be changed, and weren’t to talk about it in any interviews. Interviewers had already been told not to ask. Ryutaro was on suspension, but underage smoking was illegal, and the pictures were undeniable. Johnny would be working hard to destroy any articles that did any embellishing about the scandal, and they were to keep their heads down and continue to work hard. Then they were sent away. 

It was good that  _ OVER _ was a somber-sounding dance number, because trying to perform a song with any pep in it would have been impossible. Chinen seemed the most distraught; he was the one in the group closest to Ryutaro, and he’d had no idea about the smoking. None of them had.

Between promotions, touring, and individual activities, the timing of the scandal couldn’t have been worse. Everything became a mess, and as a result Inoo withdrew fully into his studies. He hid there for a couple of months, only coming to work when he had to--which was still often, but he didn’t let himself linger--and focusing on his grades instead. 

Takumi was a nice distraction, then. It was nice to have someone that wasn’t so glum and anxious, like the rest of his bandmates; Takumi, who didn’t even know Inoo was an idol, who lived in a completely different world and cared about completely different things, and was always game to set aside his schoolwork in their study room and just kiss Inoo until he forgot about the outside insanity in his life. He would notice Inoo had a hard time staying awake in class--all the stress had him unable to sleep well--and would poke him awake, or record the lecture for him, or buy him coffee from the campus vending machine. They still didn’t exchange phone numbers, or talk about their personal lives, but it was nice nonetheless. 

The release of  _ Magic Power  _ came and went and then they were doing concerts again, dates and dome performances added to their  _ SUMMARY _ show. It was almost a relief when the year ended. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting last week! the holidays got in the way. this chapter is an emotional roller coaster but I hope you like it!

In January, the decision was made that Ryutaro wouldn’t be coming back. It was both weird and not weird all at once. It made things feel strange for a couple of months, but the announcement and rehearsal for their Asia tour was a good distraction. 

Touring, as always, was busy, stressful, and exhausting, but Inoo was able to get away from school for a while and that was worth every second. He was getting weary with every aspect of his life, both idol work and classwork, but the group was where he wanted his efforts to go, and while on tour, he was able to focus on that. 

During a long day of stage-blocking, Takaki decided to use a headband to push his hair out of his face. His hair was long and brown, flopping over the wide black headband and tapping against his forehead whenever he had to run somewhere. It was so dorky that Inoo couldn’t stop staring at him, just seeing it putting a smile on Inoo’s face. After a couple of hours, Inoo had to send a text to him. 

_ To: Takaki Yuya  
_ _Your hair sure looks super sexy today._

Takaki was a good fifteen feet away from him on the platform, a very oblivious Nakajima Yuto between them, so Inoo was able to watch as Takaki felt his cell phone buzz, pulled it from his pocket, and read the message. Then he looked over, saw Inoo watching him, and gave Inoo a wink. It was all Inoo had not to fall off the platform, dorky hair and all. 

Again, Takaki called him from outside his room, a room he was sharing with Chinen this time around, and again, Inoo dashed into the bathroom to hide and talk to him. They kept the conversation short, Inoo not keen on Daiki--his roommate for this venue--asking about it, but he should have known better. 

“Was that a call from your boyfriend?” He asked curiously as Inoo emerged. Inoo tried very hard to wipe the smile from his face. 

“He isn’t my boyfriend.” Inoo amended quickly. Because he didn’t have a boyfriend, and even more than that, he knew Daiki was talking about Takumi, not Takaki. 

“Are you guys…” Daiki had a bit of a frown on his face. “Did you break up? Did something happen?” 

“Oh, nothing happened, I just…” Inoo, feeling embarrassed and not really knowing what to say, sat down on his bed, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. It was on the _ Recent Calls _screen, every single one of them just with Takaki and of different lengths. “We’re not really dating. It’s casual.” 

“Casual.” Daiki repeated. 

“Yeah. I don’t really like him that much. Romantically, I mean. He’s nice and stuff.” 

“So he’s a good guy?” 

“I think... “ Daiki’s expression was wary, and all at once Inoo understood what Daiki was saying, without him trying to say it. He was worried about Takumi’s trustworthiness, and getting the group into another mess. “Daiki, it’s okay.”

“I’m just worried!” Daiki exclaimed, and the worry was so genuine on his face that Inoo couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed or angry. The group had just barely survived one extreme scandal; they couldn’t afford another one. 

Still, something about what Daiki said wedged itself into Inoo’s mind, and seemed to stick there. Takumi seemed to be wanting more physicality out of the relationship than Inoo did, pushing farther, holding tighter. They’d been messing around for more than a year, so it wasn’t exactly unexpected or uncalled for. It was definitely exciting in some aspects, and never felt bad, but still. Daiki’s worry for him was always forefront in his mind whenever he felt himself slipping and getting a little too lost in whatever it was that they were doing. They were still in public, and he was still an idol; they could still get caught. 

“Takum--” Inoo’s voice was lost to a soft moan as lips touched his neck, his legs a little awkward from the way he’d been pulled on Takumi’s chair and into his lap. He could feel one of Takumi’s hands on his hip, keeping him in place, but the other… Where was his other hand?

Inoo’s eyes opened and he lurched back, a fear he couldn’t rationalize now sitting high in his chest as he looked around. The table was empty, both of their bags in a corner by the door. 

“Where is your phone?” He asked, and Takumi frowned at him. 

“What are you talking ab--”

“Where is your phone?” 

“Why does it matter?” 

“Because it matters.” Inoo said. The panic was only climbing higher--_ do you trust him? _\--as Inoo got up, looking around the room a bit more. Finally he spotted the device, lying on the floor, screen side down, under Takumi’s chair. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Takumi asked him, sounding almost angry. “It must have fallen off the table, it’s not a big deal, honestly--”

“I have to go.” Inoo said, grabbing his bag, out the door before he’d finished his sentence. He couldn’t explain himself, couldn’t explain the paranoia that had slowly begun settling in, and took a small comfort in the idea that as soon as he was out of Takumi’s line of sight, there would be no way for the two of them to contact each other. Honestly, there was probably nothing to worry about, the freakout already feeling embarrassing before he’d made it all the way home, but he resolved then and there to go straight home from class instead of meeting up with Takumi for the next couple of weeks. 

As soon as he got home, an unknown number called him. Feeling a bit panicked all over again Inoo answered, already knowing that somehow, it was Takumi, ready to yell at him and to end everything then and there. 

“Listen--”

“What’s kissing a guy like?” 

The question threw Inoo so hard and fast that he almost dropped his phone. 

“W-what?” It definitely wasn’t Takumi’s voice; it didn’t have that deadpan tone, slightly sarcastic about pretty much everything. The words sounded almost familiar, but with the rushed way that they were said, along with the distracting bizarreness of the question, Inoo couldn’t place the voice in his head. “Who is this?” 

Possibilities flashed through Inoo’s mind, all of them equally terrible: it was an old bully, someone who found his number online somehow and wanted to continue to torment him. Someone from work, who got his number from one of his groupmates and either knew his secret, or was making an incredibly accurate guess. But if they knew, who would have told them? Who did he have to stop trusting?

“Oh, sorry. Damn. It’s me.” 

“What the…” Inoo forced himself to relax just a bit, just to listen to the words, and his entire body slumped with such relief that he swayed on his feet. “Takaki? Seriously?” 

“Sorry!” Takaki exclaimed. “I got a new phone a couple of days ago.” 

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” 

“I dunno, it didn’t seem that important when I already have your number memorized.” 

“Oh.” That was surprisingly endearing in a way, and Inoo let out a long breath. “I--sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. You sounded really freaked, are you okay?” 

“I just--weird day at school. It’s nothing, really.” 

“Nothing? Are you sure?” Takaki sounded genuinely concerned and Inoo paused for a moment, seriously considering telling him. But he hadn’t told Takaki anything about Takumi yet, and launching into the whole tale, from beginning to end, was such a daunting and exhausting idea that he didn’t even want to start, slumping onto his bed instead. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, who wouldn’t be freaked out if some random guy called asking…” The question hit all over again when he knew, now, that it was Takaki asking it. “Asking what--what kissing a guy is like? What?” 

“Yeah, it is kind of weird.” Takaki admitted, Inoo able to imagine the wincing sort of grin Takaki got on his face when admitting to something embarrassing. But that didn’t explain the reason behind asking the question, and Inoo couldn’t help but ask. 

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know, I was just thinking about it I guess.” Takaki said, and his tone was incredibly nonchalant for the way the words made Inoo feel like he’d been hit by a cinder block. Self-proclaimed straight guy Takaki Yuya was thinking about what kissing a guy was like, casual as anything. “And then I figured that you would know, so I could just ask you.” 

“Well, I…” Inoo was secretly glad for his experience with Takumi now, because if this had been asked a year ago, he wouldn’t have been able to answer. Not that he was letting Takaki in on that detail. “I don’t really… I mean, I like it.” 

“I… I figured.” Takaki said after a moment, and Inoo didn’t know whether to laugh or not as he felt his face flush. 

“I guess it’s like… I mean, I’ve never seriously kissed a girl, so I don’t know what to compare it to for you.” 

“You’ve never kissed a girl?” Takaki asked, the surprise in his voice absolute, and Inoo rolled onto his back with a laugh, staring at his bedroom ceiling. 

“What part of ‘I’m gay’ hasn’t fully sunk in for you yet?” He asked back, and Takaki made a bit of a squawking, defensive sound. 

“I--I know, but like--never?” 

“Don’t make fun of me.” Inoo commanded, putting a pout in his voice. “I’m not some blushing girl, I’ve done plenty of stuff.” 

“O-oh?” Takaki seemed to stutter over the word, and Inoo couldn’t help but wonder if he was making Takaki uncomfortable. They didn’t often talk about stuff like this. He knew that Takaki had had a couple of girlfriends, and that he wasn’t pure either, but that was all straight people stuff without the added taboo on it. “How far?” 

If the original topic hadn’t been surprising enough, Takaki’s curiosity about what exactly Inoo had done definitely was. 

“I, I mean…” Inoo had the urge to avert his eyes, but there wasn’t anything in particular he was looking at, so he stared hard at the bottom left corner of his bedroom wall as he answered. “Hands below the belt. And under the belt. And no, I won’t elaborate.” 

“With who? You brought a guy home?” Takaki sounded shocked. 

“I said I wouldn’t elaborate!” Inoo protested and then, just because he knew it would absolutely baffle Takaki’s mind, put on a stuffy tone of voice and said, “and it was in the library at university, actually.” 

As expected, Takaki made a noise of surprise that almost sounded like it hurt, and Inoo burst out laughing. 

“You’re not joking?”

“I’m not joking. Seriously.” 

“You’re crazy, Inoo Kei.” 

“That’s why you love me.” Inoo answered arily, before fully clapping a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t say he and Takaki were friends of course but that, “love”, he could toss out like it was nothing? He wanted to shove his face in his pillow, but Takaki seemed to glaze over the phrase, laughing a little. 

“Yeah, whatever.” 

“But… But kissing.” Right; the topic at hand. “Well, what’s kissing a girl like?” 

“It… It’s really soft, I guess.” Takaki finally answered, after mulling the question over. “And like… They’re small, you know? Like they have small faces and small hands so I feel like I have to be so careful, especially if I kissed them first. Really like…” He trailed off. “Man, this is embarrassing. I like it though. Kissing them, I mean. I like to touch their hands or their hair or something while I’m doing it.” 

That all sounded so gentle and delicate, especially with how soft Takaki’s voice had gone. Hesitant lips on his, Takaki’s fingers slowly entwining with his own or curling into his hair. Kissing Takaki sounded like an absolute dream. 

“Guys are soft too.” Inoo said. “To kiss, I mean. Or, they usually are. Facial hair can be scratchy obviously, but I don’t have much experience with that.” Takumi had gone through a phase of trying to grow a beard-type thing, and while it hadn’t really been a deal breaker, Inoo had been glad that he’d done it at the same time it started getting cold out, and Inoo could wear a scarf to cover the stubble burn he got around his chin and neck. “One difference, I guess, is that guys are really warm.”

“It’s not like girls’ lips are cold.” Takaki interjected. 

“Well yeah, but guys are warm everywhere.” Inoo said. “Like, their hands and stuff. Less fragile too, from the way you’re describing it. It makes it easy to just… Melt into it, I guess.” 

This _ was _ embarrassing. Inoo felt his face burning all the way to his ears as he spoke, but he didn’t want Takaki to know that. He didn’t want to seem flustered, trying to back up his “not some blushing girl” statement and barreling through instead. 

“And guys seem more… I don’t know, receptive than girls are, you know?” He said, feeling a bit unsure of himself now. “My only point of reference is like, dramas and stuff so I don’t really know, but it seems easier to touch a guy and get a reaction, or like, a sound out of them. At least, that’s…” Inoo was ready to catch on fire now, not intending for the statement to head in this direction, but unable to think of another way to end the sentence. “...that’s how I am.” 

“Oh.” Takaki said, and he didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Inoo was desperate for a change of subject after his small admission, continuing to talk. 

“And the hair thing is probably about the same, though I’m sure it depends--I mean, I have soft hair, but--” Shit, he’d mentioned himself again, at this point felt as though he might as well be throwing himself at Takaki through the phone, and now he wanted frantically just to shut up. “Kissing isn’t like, aggressive or anything, just because it’s another guy. It doesn’t have to be.” 

“Oh.” Takaki said again. “I… Yeah, I guess not.”

“You guess?” 

“I just hadn’t really thought about it that way.” 

“What way?” Inoo asked. Then, because he was sure Takaki wouldn’t say it, but figured it should be said: “Like it was normal?” 

There was a wince in Takaki’s voice. “Sort of, yeah.” 

Inoo couldn’t help a little laugh, a bit more at ease now that both of them felt uncomfortable. 

“I guess I’d rather you ask me about it, instead of thinking I go around doing weird stuff.” He said. “Even if saying all of that was super embarrassing.” 

“Isn’t it?” Takaki asked back in relief, and Inoo laughed a little more, feeling the tension begin to ease away. They talked a little longer after that, but didn’t circle back to anything to do with kissing, boys, or girls, and Inoo wasn’t really sure how it would be to see Takaki at work the next day. 

As always, it was fine. It was normal, Takaki sending him not much more than a grin and a wave, Inoo’s attention stolen before he could wave back by Yuto jumping in front of him, having to tell him something that Hikaru had done just before he walked in that the newly nineteen year-old doubtlessly found hysterical. 

Things seemed to be coming back around. The group was settling back into themselves, conversations with Takaki felt long and nice and meaningful, and he only had one more year of school left to go. Ending things with Takumi had begun lingering in the back of his mind, but the confrontation of it made Inoo’s stomach twist, so he never acted on the thought. He only had one more year, he reasoned; once he graduated, they would no longer have reason to see each other, and that’s where the relationship would end.

That wasn’t quite how it ended up happening, though. Inoo, on his way to meet up with Takumi after class, heard talking coming from their usual study room. He nearly turned tail, assuming someone else was using the space, when he noticed that it was actually Takumi’s voice, the door to the usually sound-tight room cracked slightly. 

“You already have the ones I sent you. Don’t be so perverted.” Takumi was saying, annoyance clear in his tone. “I’m just pissed off that some other kid had to go and make a mess of everything. Do you think it’s been enough time yet? Another scandal with an equally unpopular nobody isn’t bound to be as interesting now.”

Inoo furrowed his eyebrows, leaning in closer. The words didn’t make sense. 

“We’re going to send the photos to all of the press outlets. We’re going to send them to every single place that’s willing to pay. Not that messing around hasn’t been fun, but I’m in this for the money.”

Inoo now had a horrible, sickening, nausea-inducing feeling that Takumi was talking about him. 

“As long as my face is blurred, I don’t care.” A pause, and a laugh. “I know, right? I’ve been trying to stick it out, and wait for him to actually get popular, but he’s started to get weird about it. He keeps making me put my phone on the table or in my backpack or something; he’s so psychotic.” 

Inoo wanted to run. He wanted to get out of there, and cry, but he also knew he would regret it if he didn’t even try to stop Takumi from doing what he was saying he would do. By the sound of things, Takumi had taken pictures of himself and Inoo, and was planning on selling them. They’d sell for a good amount, Inoo knew; he also knew that another scandal, especially one like this, could not only hurt him, but collapse all of Hey Say JUMP completely. He had to do something for his group. 

“Do I think he’ll cry? When I break up with him? Probably.” Takumi was saying, and Inoo banged the door open. 

To his credit, Takumi looked surprised. He lowered his phone, Inoo seeing him hang up and set it down all in one motion, and they simply stared at each other for a moment. Inoo tried to think of something to say, so angry and upset all at once that it was hard to think, and even harder to force anything past the lump in his throat.

“You know who I am.” He finally said. 

“Of course I do.” Takumi said, and he sounded a lot less mean than he had to his friend on the phone. “I’d barely even walked through the front door of our high school when someone told me that pop idol Inoo Kei went to our school. You really thought I didn’t know?” 

“I…” It felt stupid now, to admit that he’d thought that. It hadn’t seemed probable, but Takumi had never treated him like an idol, and it had never been brought up. They’d never talked about it. Then again, they hadn’t talked about most things. They hadn’t really talked much at all. “I heard what you were saying. About selling photos of me.” 

“I figured. With you barging in like that.” Again, Takumi didn’t sound as sneering and awful as he had just moments before. His tone was flat, but his voice was quiet. He wasn’t looking Inoo in the eye.

“How many pictures do you have?” 

“Ten, maybe. My friend has two of them, but only one of them that I sent to her really has your face in it. To prove that I was actually with a famous person.” 

“Are…” Inoo swallowed hard. Ten photos. That was more than enough to completely ruin everything. “Are you really going to do it?” 

“Planning on it, yeah.”

“Why?” 

“You were going to pay for my last year of university.” 

Inoo looked him over, at his styled hair and his designer--looking secondhand, but definitely not cheap--clothes. He didn’t look like a struggling student, frustration burning in Inoo’s chest so painfully that when he opened his mouth, he couldn’t control how loud his words were.

“Get a job, then!” He exclaimed, feeling his lungs and his eyes burn. He didn’t want to get too emotional. He didn’t want to cry. 

“They might not even get out. My friend tried to sell some photos of AKB girls smoking once, and the company paid her for them instead. They gave her a lot of money, too. Your agency is huge; they’d probably do the same thing for you, right?” Takumi shrugged, but he was looking everywhere but Inoo’s face. “Then everybody gets what they want. It wouldn’t even be a big deal.” 

“Wouldn’t be a big deal?” Inoo echoed in disbelief. He blinked hard, resisting the urge to wipe at his face, and realized that Takumi actually believed what he was saying. “You’re threatening me, and threatening eight other people that you don’t even know, and you don’t think it’s a big deal?” 

That didn’t get any type of answer, not even a shrug, and Inoo did wipe at his face then, hoping his eyes weren’t as red rimmed as they felt, his hands clenched into fists. He stared at Takumi until Takumi looked back at him. 

“Do you really not care about me at all?” He asked, and Takumi glanced away again. “No, look at me. I’m talking to you.” He tried to keep his eyes dry, to keep the tremble out of his voice. “We were never together--not--not really, but I thought that at least we were friends. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? And the way you were talking to your friend; that’s how you really feel about me?”

“My friend really hates idols.” Takumi said, his voice suddenly quick. “She doesn’t think that they’re real people. They just get everything handed to them and don’t understand what life is like.”

Inoo wanted to scream that that wasn’t true, that Takumi knew how exhausted he always was trying to juggle work and school, the days Takumi would buy him a coffee so he could get his homework done, or poke him every ten minutes to keep him awake during class. He wanted to explain how hard he worked, how often his body felt ill and achy and sore, how until a couple years ago, he’d been a child in a group full of children trying to navigate an adult world. 

He couldn’t say any of that. He didn’t want to look anything but strong. So he set his jaw and stared Takumi down.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” He said. “I don’t care about her; I was asking about you. We sat by each other through one of the hardest classes at this university. We helped each other. You were my first kiss, did you know that?” Takumi shook his head, looking down at his feet this time, and Inoo didn’t insist on his eye contact again, because his own resolve was beginning to crack. “You’re telling me that you’d rather hurt me than just leave me alone?” 

“No.” Takumi finally said, after a long quiet moment, Inoo’s head beginning to ache from how he was blinking back tears, his stomach moved to nausea to keep his chest from heaving. Takumi looked at Inoo again, his fingers curling in the front of his jacket. “That isn’t how I feel.”

It wasn’t an apology, but Inoo didn’t even want to try to ask for more. 

“Then just delete those pictures.” He said. His eyes were swimming, and with another blink, tears finally made their way down his face. “And don’t ever talk to me again.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!! Sorry for forgetting to post. And that not much happens in this chapter. Shit will hit the fan soon though!

Inoo turned away from Takumi, running from the study room before he could fully begin to cry, completely leaving the library from fear of pursuit, making it to the bathroom in a nearby lecture hall before heaving out a couple of sobs. He wasn’t upset about the breakup, not really; he was mad about the betrayal of trust, and mad at himself for even offering up that trust at all. He was terrified of whatever it was that Takumi truly planned to do to him. 

It took a good amount of deep breathing to keep himself from fully hyperventilating, though he did get lightheaded a couple of times. When he felt he’d calmed down enough, he hid around the side of the lecture hall building and called Daiki. 

“I don’t—” Inoo was choking out words as soon as Daiki picked up the phone. “I don’t know what to do, you have to help me—”

“Inoo! Inoo, slow down. Are you hurt?” Daiki’s voice was loud in concern, but hearing him at all did help. Inoo explained the situation the best he could, keeping his voice low, and after it was all said Daiki’s voice was grim.

“He didn’t hurt you, though?” Daiki asked again, and Inoo shook his head before remembering that Daiki couldn’t see that.

“No.”

“Okay. I have an idea, but it’s going to involve you telling some people. You can do that, right?” 

“Yes.” Inoo answered without question. If it would protect the members, he would tell all of them. He didn’t want to, the thought of it churning a new kind of panic in his lungs, but he would. 

“Alright. You need to call the manager and ask him to pick you up. Explain what happened to him. I’ll meet you at work, and we’ll see if we can talk to Johnny.”

“Johnny?” Inoo asked in shock. “Why? Won’t he…” Inoo wanted to ask  _ Won’t he be mad at me?, _ but that felt incredibly childish in his mouth. 

“That guy was right about our company being huge. Johnny might know what to do, right? So the more he knows about it, the better.” Daiki said, and Inoo had to admit that what he was saying made sense. 

All of it was awful. Inoo was incredibly grateful to have Daiki next to him through it all, but that didn’t diminish how mortifying it felt to stand in his boss’s office and talk about how they all needed to be on high alert now, because the boy he’d been secretly making out with was planning on selling indecent pictures of him. 

Johnny didn’t seem to judge him too harshly for the actual relationship, yelling at him instead for his carelessness before asking Inoo questions. The guy’s full name, age, and progress on his degree, his friend’s name, when the pictures had been taken, what quality the pictures were, where he was planning on sending them to, and other things like that. Inoo only knew the answers to some of them, partially wishing he could be more helpful, mostly wishing he could run away and hide forever. 

“We will contact Meiji, and see if we can keep him out of all of your classes. Do not speak to him again.”

Inoo nodded. That wouldn’t be a problem. 

“We will keep a lookout in the press. We will make sure nothing slips through.” 

Inoo wasn’t sure that they could do that, but he hoped so. 

“And YOU,” Johnny pointed to Inoo, making him jump, “will smile in interviews, speak only when spoken to, and keep your damn head down.”

“Yes sir.” Inoo answered, bowing quickly, Daiki bowing with him, both of them staying bent until they were dismissed. Their manager dropped both of them off at Daiki’s house, per Daiki’s request, and Inoo spent the next hour and a half crying on Daiki’s shoulder. 

At Daiki’s insistence, it was decided that Inoo would be staying the night. Inoo changed into a pair of Daiki’s pajamas, the pants too small and the shirt too big, and they hung out together. Daiki tried the entire evening to make Inoo feel better, and while it did kind of work, it only worked when Daiki was being animated or talking or laughing, and any settling silences brought Inoo back to his situation, and he felt his face fall despite himself. 

As a result, poor Daiki had exhausted himself by the time midnight came around. They were on Daiki’s bed together, Daiki’s socked feet propped up on his pillow next to Inoo’s head, his own head pressed into Inoo’s knee, his face slack and relaxed in sleep. Looking down at him, Inoo wanted to cry all over again but from gratitude this time, his face only staying dry because he’d already cried too much in one day to cry much more. 

In the silence, his thoughts already began to spiral. Daiki wouldn’t be so exhausted if he hadn’t had to help Inoo all day. If Inoo hadn’t been so  _ stupid, _ so unbelievably stupid to--

He couldn’t. He couldn’t do this right now. He was exhausted too, and while he did feel the need to wallow in it, for the potential disaster he may have caused for his closest friends, he also felt that if he actually just let himself lie here, he might lose his mind. 

He got from the bed as gently as he could--though he knew that no jostling he was capable of would be enough to wake Daiki up--and crept through the house to the outside landing where Daiki’s family hung their laundry. Then he pulled his phone out and tapped on Takaki’s new number. 

The phone rang for long enough for Inoo to get worried that he might not answer.

“Hello?” 

“Oh, thank you.” Inoo slumped a bit in relief, sitting down and leaning his head back against the wood of the house. Takaki’s voice sounded rough and slightly disoriented, prompting him to ask, “Did I wake you up?” 

“Not… Not exactly. I mean, I was in bed and my eyes were closed, but I wasn’t really asleep yet.” Takaki made a slight, sleepy, sighing sound. “Are you okay? You sound weird.” 

“I… No.” Inoo finally said. He didn’t have the energy to change his tone of voice into something more uplifted, so he figured he may as well admit to it. “Not really.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Takaki asked, and Inoo wasn’t sure of the answer. In his silence, Takaki continued. “You had school today, right? Did you fail a test or something?” 

“What? No.”

“Of course not. You’re a super genius.” 

In spite of himself, Inoo laughed a bit, and Takaki laughed too. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He finally said. As with the last big thing with Takumi, it felt too exhausting to tell their story to Takaki from the start. As far as Takaki knew, Takumi was still this kind-of friend guy that touched his arm a lot. Inoo desperately wished he could go back to that first day, and make himself just sit in his chair a little bit longer, so Takumi wouldn’t have bumped into him, and all of this would have been avoided. 

_ Unless he did it on purpose.  _ Inoo realized with a jolt.  _ He ran into me on purpose. _

“I just don’t want to talk about it.” He repeated, maybe a little more forcefully than he needed to. “I just wanted to talk to you. I want to talk about whatever you want to talk about.” 

“Okay.” Takaki said easily. There was a quiet moment, then Takaki let out a breath into the receiver, the noise slightly exasperated and obviously played up for dramatics. Inoo appreciated the effort he was putting into the performance. “It’s getting too cold to go to the beach!” 

They talked for nearly an hour about Takaki’s obsession with the beach, what he loved about it, the sand structures he’d made and the coolest shells and creatures he’d found. It was relaxing, just to hear Takaki talk, and talk about something he loved, telling funny stories and letting Inoo interject if he wanted. It made Inoo want to go to the beach with Takaki sometime, despite how he didn’t much like the water. Maybe he could get a boat, and stay up on the boat while he sent Takaki down into the waves to get him pretty shells. It was a silly fantasy, but it was a much nicer thing to think about when he finally went to bed that night, wondering just how difficult it would be to get a boating license as he drifted off to sleep.

As he promised to Johnny, Inoo kept his head down for the remainder of the year. It was hard to go to class the day after, Inoo desperately afraid of running into Takumi, but it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen until nearly a week later, Inoo feeling someone grab onto his bag and whirling around with a start. 

“Don’t  _ touch _ me.” He said with as much force as he could muster when he saw Takumi standing there. “I said--”

“I know what you said. But you need to know.” 

Inoo should have just left, and he knew it, but something about Takumi’s face made him pause.

“What?” 

“I didn’t do anything with the photos. Really, I didn’t. But the two my friend had… She sent them out.” 

A rock of nausea dropped into Inoo’s stomach, so fast and so massive that for a moment Inoo thought he might actually vomit. It must have shown on his face, because Takumi reached out to touch him; Inoo stepped back before his fingers could make contact, and he dropped his arm instead. 

“Only one of them has your face.” Takumi told him. “And it’s a really shitty photo, so--”

“Never, ever talk to me again.” Inoo said. Then he turned around and walked away. 

  
  


Thankfully, nothing seemed to come of it. Inoo called his manager once he was outside, and he said he would notify Johnny. But Johnny never spoke to him about it personally, and no tabloids had his sexuality plastered all over the front pages, so as a result, Inoo never told the group about any of it. 

The only change that happened was Johnny personally telling them all that they wouldn’t be releasing any new music until Inoo graduated from Meiji. It wasn’t something Inoo asked him to do, nor was it something Johnny told Inoo about, so while no one could really say that it was Inoo’s fault, it sort of felt like it was. But Inoo decided to take full advantage of it, throwing himself completely into his schoolwork. 

He was finally on his last year, finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him from graduating on time. A few of the faces in the Architecture program were familiar from years previous, a few of them becoming casual class friends again, and despite initial wariness Inoo found himself incredibly grateful for them as the year wore on. Not many of them were his age, a majority of them older, but that was nice in comparison to his work environment.

At work, most of his coworkers were literal children, and all of the adults he interacted with were adults assigned to keep them safe and get them to locations on time. As a result, he was often treated like a child too. In some respects, that made things easier; when he was still half-asleep from needing to be at work at four in the morning, it was nice to just have someone tell him where to sit or usher him to where he needed to go. That didn’t stop it from feeling a bit belittling, though.

At school, his peers, while older than him, were a more on his level. They were all working on or collaborating on the same assignments. They were all in the last year of the same program, and all burnt out and just ready to finish. As the year wore on, Inoo found himself spending more and more of his free time with them, and began to think of them as his friends. 

“You should hurry up.” Takaki told him, eating ice cream right in his ear as he spoke. Inoo, who already had the phone on speaker, shoved it a little further away from him across his desk at the noise.

“Hurry up?”

“Yeah. Finish school already.” 

Inoo snorted. “Yeah. Right. I’ll just speed up this architecture degree. No big deal.”

“Good, do that.” Takaki said, and Inoo burst out laughing at his complete disregard for Inoo’s flat sarcasm. 

“I can’t.” Inoo said with a sigh. He stared down at the paper he was writing, a little twist in his gut whenever he looked at it. 

“Well, I think you should anyway.”

“Yeah, I got that.” Inoo picked his phone back up, staring at it. Anything to get his eyes off his paper. “Why?”

“You could sleep more. I think it would be good for you.” 

“I… Oh. Well, that’s very sweet of you.” Inoo said, genuinely surprised by Takaki’s answer. Takaki didn’t give much indication that he had any concerns about Inoo’s physical health when they were in front of each other, aside from eye contact and a slight eyebrow raise that Inoo had taken to mean  _ Are you okay? _

“That’s me. I’m a super sweet guy.” Takaki responded, his tone a little cheesy, his statement punctuated by an absolutely obscene slurping sound that made Inoo shout at him until he burst out laughing. 

“Stop it, stop. I’m trying to focus here.” Inoo told him, and by all the mercy of the universe, Takaki actually stopped. 

“Oh? What are you working on?” 

“Paper for school. I, actually…” He hadn’t told anyone this aside from his academic friends, wanting to wait until it was confirmed, but he was actually really excited. “I’m going to try and get it published.”

“Wait, seriously?” Takaki asked, his shock genuine, his voice going a little simplistic, a little loud, and a little Kansai, the way it always did when he was really and truly surprised. “Like, in a fancy magazine or something?”

“Something, yeah.” Inoo answered, unable not to smile.

“That’s amazing!” Takaki told him, and Inoo’s cheeks began to hurt by how much he was smiling. “You really have been working so hard, Inoo. You’re doing a great job.” 

“I… Thank you.” Inoo had heard the praise before, sure. He heard it often from his family, but it was a completely different feeling to hear it from someone that, by blood, wasn’t legally and morally obligated to love him. “That really means a lot.” 

Takaki may have absolutely ruined the moment by sucking very loudly on his spoon, but Inoo was still able to use the words to give him the final push he needed to finish and submit his academic paper. 

Finally, finally, at the end of what were the longest four years of Inoo’s life, he did it. He finished school; he got a degree. He knew that he would probably never use something like an Architecture degree while being a pop idol, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was proud of himself anyways. He made it through Meiji University. He had a degree. He had done it. 

He planned fully on spending the three days after his final class in nothing but his pajamas, and doing nothing but lying around at home. He deserved it, and he would fight anyone in his life that said otherwise. And he almost did it too, interrupted in the middle of day three by a phone call from Daiki.

“Hey!” Daiki’s voice was very loud in his ear, but the excitement in his tone was infectious, and Inoo found himself smiling. “What’re you up to?”

“Nothing.” Inoo said with a blissful sigh, spreading his entire body out along the length of his couch and stretching like a cat. “Absolutely nothing.”

That made Daiki laugh. “Well, do you want to do something?”

“...like what?” Inoo asked warily.

“I was thinking dinner? We could go out to eat. I’ll even ride the train so we can go to your favorite curry place.”

Inoo hummed in consideration. He didn’t really want to move. Then again, the curry place wasn’t far away at all, and he did really like it; not because of the curry, but because of the rice. 

“Fine!” He said, after a long moment, and Daiki cheered. “Fine. But only because I don’t have to walk much. And you’re paying! We’re going to be celebrating me.” 

“Of course.” Daiki answered, and there was a laugh in his voice. “Want to meet there at six?” 

“Sure.” 

After some farewells Inoo hung up, and sighed at the ceiling. He knew it would be fun to go and have a meal with Daiki, but the thought of all the effort it would take to actually get ready and go after two full days off was almost too daunting. 

He did it, though. He dragged himself off the couch, splashed water on his face, pulled a cap down over his hair, and changed into some of the simplest clothes he had. When the curry place came into view, he began frowning.

The place looked deserted. The lights were on though, and staff were in the restaurant, so after frowning and peering into the windows for a couple of moments, Inoo stepped hesitantly through the front doors.

“Congratulations!” Came a yell, and from behind the chairs and under the tables popped all of Hey Say JUMP, as well as their managers. Inoo jolted back in surprise, but the movement only situated him perfectly under the giant ball of confetti suspended on the ceiling that broke open over his head and spilled all over him. 

Daiki was in the middle of it all, absolutely beaming, and Inoo pointed a dramatic finger at him.

“You!” He exclaimed, while Daiki just laughed harder, running up to give him a hug. “You did this!” 

As it turned out, Daiki had. Or, he’d planned it. They’d bought out the entire restaurant for as long as they wanted it, and had a large room in the nearby karaoke place booked too, for when they finished up here. A simple meal with Daiki had now turned into an extravagant evening of excitement, and while Inoo did feel a little overwhelmed, he was happy to see everyone too. The happiness surged up in him at the sight of them all, stronger than he expected, and he felt a smile grow on his face. He just wished he’d dressed a little nicer. 

Dinner was loud and fun, Inoo so entertained by the antics and conversations of his friends that at some points he almost forgot that he had food in front of him. They stayed in the restaurant for a couple of hours, uncomfortably full, more or less rolling themselves down the street to make it to their karaoke reservation. 

The ridiculousness didn't stop at their secondary location, the sugary drinks ordered and a private area to perform just upping the opportunities for everyone to make fools of themselves. They went around in turns, Chinen always picking Arashi, Yabu always picking Mr. Children, and Inoo picking Hey Say JUMP songs just to laugh at the way the group would groan, but all sing along anyway. 

Takaki chose  _ Ganbaretsugo, _ and all of the BEST members lost their minds so completely that by the end of it Inoo was exhausted, and laughing so hard his head hurt. Yamada, Chinen, Yuto, and Keito were looking at them with a wild mix of amusement, surprise, and abject terror, Yamada hesitantly taking the microphone from Hikaru’s limp hand and picking a Kinki Kids ballad to calm the room down. 

After that, the structure of them all taking turns dissolved. It got a little more serious, Inoo preferring to watch, listening to his friends sing, pulling out his phone to record when Yabu and Hikaru decided they wanted to sing a romantic Tackey and Tsubasa song together. He wasn’t the only one recording, and for the duration of the song Hikaru and Yabu’s heads got closer and closer until they were cheek to cheek. As soon as the song ended, the two of them went red and jumped away from each other, laughing, and Takaki somehow ended up with both of their microphones pushed into his lap. So he took one, leaning over both Chinen and Daiki to give the other to Inoo. 

“Let’s sing.” He proposed, Inoo blinking at him in shock. Daiki, with a muted grin on his face now, scooted down the couch and gestured for Chinen to do the same until a space opened up next to Takaki. 

Inoo, understanding the hint—though not understanding quite why the entire group was staring—sat down in the empty seat, his shoulder knocking into Takaki’s own, the sides of their legs touching all the way to their knees. He was close, incredibly close to Takaki, and for a moment his brain fully blanked. 

“Well?” Takaki glanced at him, and… He was so handsome up close. Was anyone telling him that? Someone should be telling him that. Inoo should tell him that. “Are we going to sing or what?”

“Oh, am I picking?” Inoo asked back, keeping his tone light, and Takaki raised an eyebrow back. The cockiness of the eyebrow raise had Inoo scrolling through songs vindictively, grinning when he picked the perfect one. 

Takaki gave him a look of open mouthed surprise when his song choice appeared onscreen, causing Inoo to break out into laughter and nudge Takaki’s shoulder with his own. 

“C’mon, I know you secretly love cute stuff.” He said, trying to give Takaki a look that had his eyes as big as possible. “You said you would sing with me.”

“You're the worst.” Takaki responded, still slightly disbelieving, and then the song began. 

Inoo couldn’t really make fun of Takaki for knowing all of the words to AKB48’s  _ Heavy Rotation,  _ because everybody and their grandfather knew all of the words to AKB48’s  _ Heavy Rotation,  _ but it was still funny anyways. Takaki tried to be cool about it, and that was even funnier than if he’d simply owned it, like Inoo was doing; Takaki’s slouched posture and dead delivery of the lyrics was especially hilarious next to the way Inoo was pointing around the room and doing small shoulder shakes.

About halfway through the song however, Inoo realized he’d shot himself in the foot, just a little bit. While the lyrics were cheesy and peppy to a disingenuous degree, it was still a love song, and Takaki wasn’t saying the words in the same hyped up way the girls did in the original. So Inoo sat there for nearly five minutes, hearing Takaki say “I want you, I need you, I love you” into the microphone with his deep voice in an almost serious tone, and Inoo had to keep his face completely unaffected. Acting like an idiot really helped.

As embarrassed as Takaki acted though, as soon as the song ended he burst out laughing, giving Inoo a look of genuine amusement, and Inoo had to laugh back. Then they looked to the rest of the group to see who would sing next, Inoo surprised to see all of them staring.

“...what?” Takaki asked, a question also in Inoo’s mind, that he would have voiced if Takaki hadn’t done it first.

“Nothing, I guess.” Yabu said with a shrug. “It’s just good to see you guys being friends.”

“It is?” Inoo asked, glancing at Takaki just as Takaki said,

“What do you mean?”

“You just don’t really act close, that’s all.” 

“We do like each other.” Takaki said bluntly, and Inoo bit down on the side of his tongue. “Besides, we’re celebrating Inoo, right? Shouldn’t we all sing with him?” 

The idea was accepted immediately, and Inoo was made to move around the karaoke room for the next half hour and sing duets with the rest of the members. It was fun, sure, but by the end of it Inoo was pretty positive that his voice would be completely gone tomorrow. After acting like a fool with Daiki to Kanjani8’s debut song, the night was declared over, and they all began going their separate ways. Inoo gave hugs to everyone as they left, holding especially tightly to Daiki after everyone else had begun to walk away. 

“Thanks for this.” He said, and Daiki beamed up at him. 

“Of course!”

“You can’t say of course!” Inoo exclaimed back. “That’s not humble at all! Stop bragging about how good of a person you are.” 

Daiki just laughed, and after another hug and wish of congratulations to Inoo for graduating, left at a jog to catch up with the rest of the group, who were walking in a mob to the nearby train station. As Inoo watched them go, Takaki turned around and gave him a wave. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all popping off now! I hope you like it. Also! Because I forgot while I was reading over this chapter: this takes place in the year 2013!

It was nice--relaxing, almost--to have his job as his sole focus now. Within the umbrella of “work” was a multitude of things, like singing, dancing, and television appearances, but it was still better to not have to throw “schoolwork” on top of that pile as well. He got to go to bed earlier, or stay out with his friends if he wanted once he was done for the day. He didn’t have to worry about deadlines or papers or ongoing projects. He wasn’t doing everything alone, like he had been on his degree path, so he was no longer frustratingly isolated in his struggles. 

Well, all of his struggles except for one. The problem with focusing on his group more was that he was focusing on his group mates more and, by extension, on Takaki Yuya. The problem with being around Takaki was that his crush, instead of fading over the five years that he’d had it, had grown. And upon graduating and seeing him so often, it grew to an exponential degree.

It was frustrating, all the things about Takaki that Inoo found that he liked. It wasn’t just that he was handsome, with a nice face and sexy lips and soft hair. Inoo was sure that if it were just looks, he probably would become desensitized after seeing him so much, and could get over himself. But Takaki was also a dork. He could act dumb but he cared deeply, unexpectedly knowledgeable about specific things, and while quick to anger, was equally quick to forgive. It was interesting to simply observe him at work, Inoo making his own assumptions about how Takaki felt about certain things, and then talk to him later about those things and have Takaki subvert from his expectations. 

Still, it was just a crush, Inoo told himself. He was in control of it. He wouldn’t get his hopes up; he wouldn’t want anything from it. He would come out of it in one piece, and move on, and everything would be fine. 

But that didn’t mean things weren’t hard. Because where he hadn’t before, Inoo had experience now, and it was much too easy for fantasies to get away from him. He now knew what it felt like to have another man kiss him, slide their hands in his hair or under the hem of his shirt to touch his chest. He knew what it was like to be left wanting from one touch, to feel the pressure of a thigh between both of his own, to hear his own name murmured breathlessly in his ear. He could, if he wanted, imagine Takaki saying his name like that, low and close. He didn’t often let his thoughts stray that way, but when they did it was agonizing. 

“I have a question.” 

It was late, Inoo already lying in bed in his underwear and a loose tank top. He’d been talking to Takaki for over an hour now, listening to him get ready for bed, knowing that Takaki was also lying down with the covers thrown over him, his voice slowed to a sleepy drawl. There was something strangely intimate about it. 

“Yeah?” Inoo asked, when Takaki waited for him to speak instead of simply continuing with his question. 

“Have you… Have you been staring at me?” 

“What?” The question wasn’t said in an accusing tone, but it still zapped Inoo’s sleepy mind into overdrive. He swallowed, his throat dry, and resisted cursing. 

“I don’t know. It just kind of feels like you’ve been staring at me lately.” 

“Oh.” Ever since Aki had told him that he didn’t look at Takaki “in a creepy way”, Inoo hadn’t worried himself too much about it. But Aki had told him that years ago, and Inoo was now coming to realize that it probably didn’t apply anymore. Not since his feelings had grown; definitely not since Takaki had taken to wearing a very low-slung pair of grey sweatpants to dance rehearsals for the past week. 

“It’s like, okay or whatever.” A rustling of sheets; Takaki was rolling over in bed. “But I was just wondering.”

“I have.” Inoo said. “I’ve been conducting a study.”

That was obviously not the answer that Takaki expected. “What?”

“I’m trying to find the best butt in the group.”

“Oh?” Takaki’s voice hadn’t lost its drowsiness, but was now tinged with amusement as well. “And? Who has the best butt?”

“Definitely Daiki. By like, a mile. That thing is a bubble.”

Takaki burst out laughing at that. 

“Yeah?” 

“Haven’t you noticed?” Inoo asked him, as he continued to laugh. “And Yamada’s isn’t bad--Chinen and Yuto’s butts are small, but they’re definitely round, so there’s that.” 

“And where’s mine in all of this?”

“Your butt?” Inoo was surprised that they were carrying on the joke. He’d only said it to have something to say to Takaki’s question, and a truthful joke was easier than a lie, because it always sounded like a lie anyway. “In the middle somewhere, I’d guess.” 

“Oh. I guess that’s not too bad.” 

“You sound disappointed!” Inoo told him, laughing a little. 

“I am! I thought you liked me.” There was a pout in Takaki’s voice, which Inoo knew wouldn’t be there if Takaki weren’t sleepy. “You don’t think I’m cute anymore?” 

“I, I don’t…” This wasn’t where this conversation was supposed to go. Maybe Inoo needed to make some excuse and hang up. “That doesn’t have anything to do with your butt.” 

“Maybe it does.” 

“What?”

“Well?” Takaki asked, and Inoo realized he was waiting for an answer to his previous question. He sighed a little.

“I do think you’re cute. I mean those compliments, you know!” 

“Yeah? After all this time?” 

“Yeah.” Inoo knew Takaki wasn’t doing it on purpose, but the words stung a little, like he was rubbing in just how long this crush had lasted while going absolutely nowhere. 

“Hey… Can I ask you something?” Takaki asked, and Inoo stilled, feeling apprehensive. Takaki didn’t usually ask permission to ask a question. Even with awkward or personal things--”What’s kissing a guy like” came to mind particularly strongly--were usually just blurted, or put out there without any pretext. 

“I mean, yeah. Sure.” 

“How did you know you were gay?”

“Have…” Inoo frowned a little. “Have we never talked about this?”

Takaki made a small, thoughtful noise. “No.” He declared.

“Oh. I mean, I don’t know. I got old enough to learn about hugs, and kissing and stuff, and then I wanted to do that with guys. I just… Never had the inclination in a girl’s direction, you know? I would see an attractive guy, and think that I wanted to… I don’t know, kiss him. I didn’t really hide it until I found out that it wasn’t normal.” 

“So you just always knew?” 

“I think so.”

“Is it like that for everyone? You just always know?” 

That made Inoo pause. He wasn’t sure; he’d never thought about it that way before. 

“Probably not. I mean, it could always be there on some level, but all people are different. Not every single gay person is just the same as I am.”

Takaki made another small noise. Then he was quiet, quiet for so long that Inoo thought he might have fallen asleep. He was about to ask when Takaki spoke up.

“So have you ever found girls attractive?” He asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“Like…” Takaki’s voice wasn’t quite so sleepy anymore, though it still sounded slow. “You’ve never looked at a girl and thought ‘oh wow, she’s pretty’ or something?” 

“I mean, sure I have.” Working in the entertainment industry, almost all of the other celebrities Inoo had interacted with were attractive in one way or another. “That doesn’t mean I want to kiss her though, right?” 

“...no?”

“What, do you want to just kiss every pretty thing you see?” Inoo asked, laughing a little.

“I don’t know.” Takaki said, not really laughing back. Then, “Maybe.” 

“You need to go to sleep.” Inoo finally told him. It almost felt like Takaki was trying to imply something, but it was something that Inoo didn’t even want to try to dig into. This conversation had taken an unexpected turn, and Inoo was worried about the state of his sanity if it went on much longer. “You’re not making any sense.”

Takaki was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I guess.” He said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Night. Sleep well.” 

Takaki hung up, then Inoo rolled onto his back, staring at his ceiling for a long time.

  
  


“You!” Came a shout as Inoo walked into the practice room. He flinched, wincing. He was late, and he knew it, but when he looked around, he realized that his tardiness wasn’t why he was being yelled at. Practice hadn’t even started. Half of the group was flocked around Takaki, who looked heavily embarrassed. Yuto was the one pointing at him, the bouncy kid running over. “Give me your phone.” 

“What? Why?” Inoo asked, frowning, holding his phone closer to him. He’d been drafting a text to Takaki, so startled by Yuto that he deleted the entire thread. 

“Takaki doesn’t have your phone number in his contact list.” Yabu said. He was frowning. “Did… Did something happen?”

“What?” Inoo asked, glancing at Takaki, who just looked back, his eyes a little wide.

“Did you guys have a fight?” Daiki asked. Daiki looked really and truly concerned, and Inoo wanted to assuage that immediately. 

“No, we didn’t.” He said, finally giving his phone over; Yuto hadn’t stopped pestering him for it. 

“Inoo doesn’t have Takaki’s phone number in his contact list either!” He exclaimed. All of the group was looking between them like this was some big scandal, and Inoo didn’t know what to do, or say. He hadn’t updated his contact list since Takaki had changed his number; he’d just gone to “recent calls”, phoning him from there until he had the number memorized. Takaki, seemingly, had done the same thing. 

“We’re just not that close.” Takaki said weakly, and that sealed it for Inoo. For whatever reason, Takaki didn’t want to tell the group about their phone calls. At least, not now. So Inoo wouldn’t. 

“You really should add each other’s numbers.” Hikaru said, his tone not leaving much room for argument. “For safety, in case something happens, you know?”

“Okay.” Inoo said, shrugging easily. Now understanding his stance on what was happening, he let his posture relax. 

“And really… You’re not friends?” Yuto asked. He looked hurt. 

“We don’t… It’s not like we hate each other.” Takaki said, catching Inoo’s eye again. “We just don’t really text, or hang out, that’s all.”

That was true. They never were together outside of work without at least one more person there, and while Inoo did occasionally send Takaki messages, it was sparingly, and especially not recently. He texted Chinen more often than he texted Takaki. 

“But—” Yuto began, interrupted quickly by Yabu, who had a placating tone to his voice, saying that it was fine, as long as they weren’t angry with each other. 

“They should at least go to have a meal together or something, right?” Yamada asked, his arms crossed. He seemed to be taking Yuto’s side, which wasn’t surprising; he and Yuto had begun going out to eat together multiple times a week. Their increased togetherness—including after work activities, and just how much they touched each other—had Inoo’s eyebrows going up just a little, unable to help but wonder if something more was going on between them.

“I, I mean…” Inoo tried to find some way out, sure that Takaki would protest, when he was interrupted. 

“Sure. I don’t mind.” Takaki said. “You busy tonight?”

“Tonight?” Inoo asked back in surprise, unable to keep his face neutral. “I mean, I… No, I’m not busy.”

“Cool. Let’s go somewhere after work.” 

“Oh. Yeah, okay.” Stunned, Inoo felt he couldn’t do much more than stare at Takaki. Takaki, seemingly embarrassed about having everyone’s eyes on him, began needlessly busying himself with his belongings until Hikaru got the hint and started practice. 

Inoo was distracted all day. His mind kept replaying the moment, Takaki asking him to dinner, casual as anything. He knew that he was being dramatic, that they were more likely than not going to some extremely cheap place in the train station or something, where it would be too loud around them to speak to each other and they would wolf down their food before parting ways.

But still. He was going to dinner with Takaki. 

They both were the last people in the room when practice ended, going to the bathroom to wash their faces and try to look a little less sweaty. Inoo wished he’d known this was happening; he would have packed an extra set of clothes to change into. At least Takaki was in the same shape as him. 

Takaki knew all of the restaurants in the area, knowing exactly where he wanted to go when they stepped outside and promising that it would be good. The place was small, and more of a hole-in-the-wall than Inoo expected, but Takaki went out to eat more than the rest of them, so Inoo trusted his judgement. They were sat down in a small booth in the corner, across from each other and a little tucked away. 

“Well.” Takaki broke the silence with a mildly uncomfortable laugh. “This is kind of weird, huh.” 

“You didn’t have to agree to it.” Inoo told him, and Takaki raised an eyebrow. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to go out to eat with you?”

“I mean, I don’t know! You’re the one that just said it was weird!” Inoo exclaimed, Takaki laughing a little and bringing his drink up to his lips. Inoo had ordered a soda, and Takaki had ordered a beer. 

“I just don’t know why they think we’re fighting.” Takaki said after he swallowed, getting started on his food. “We don’t act mean to each other or anything.” 

“Yeah. They don’t know about the phone calls, though.”

“I mean, we could tell them.” Takaki said. The words were said with a shrug, and a little bit quieter than everything else, Inoo able to feel the reluctance. 

“Nah.” He said. “It’s kind of funny this way, isn’t it?”

Inoo wasn’t sure he quite sold the statement, and Takaki’s smile held more relief than agreement, but he nodded. 

“They’ll just think we’re secret enemies.” He said, and the words ‘secret enemies’ had Inoo laughing, Takaki’s grin turning into something more genuine at that. 

“I almost told Daiki.” Inoo said. “After the first time it happened.” 

“Oh really?” Takaki looked surprised, and Inoo nodded. 

“Yeah. Because it actually was an accident, me calling you. I was trying to call Daiki.”

Takaki frowned. “He was probably asleep. He wouldn’t have woken up.”

“I know. That’s why I was so surprised when someone answered that at first I didn’t realize that it was you. I’d been planning on, I don’t know, just leaving him some embarrassing voicemail and trying to go to sleep.” 

“Well, I’m glad you called me then.” Takaki said, digging around his plate with his chopsticks. “I’m glad that, you know, we talked. You really sounded like you needed it.”

The memory, now long ago, was only a little embarrassing to think about, instead of how mortifying it had been in the moment, and Inoo nodded back. 

“Even if it was a little awkward.” He added, and Takaki looked up at him.

“Was it?” He frowned, thinking. “Oh, right! You were getting over that crush you used to have on me.”

“Shut up.” Inoo said, focusing very hard on his plate now, and Takaki laughed. “You just like flattering yourself with that, don’t you. I completely was not over you, anyway.”

“Wait, really? You said you were!” 

“Of course I did!” Inoo exclaimed back, relieved to see Takaki still laughing, a smile growing on his face too. “But I just had a super cute guy be nice to me and help me stop crying! Of course I was going to keep liking you.” 

“How long, then?” 

“Why do you care?” 

“I just want to know! Wouldn’t you want to know when someone has a crush on you?”

Inoo could feel his cheeks going pink, trying to deflect. 

“My thousands of fans are pretty vocal about it, you know. I don’t need to wonder.”

“That’s different.” Takaki argued. “You know that’s different. I mean like…” He cast around for a moment, stuffing a piece of meat in his mouth, his eyes lighting up in inspiration a moment later. “Oh, I know! What ever happened to that guy that was in class with you a couple of years ago?”

“A couple of years ago?” Inoo echoed in surprise, not because he didn’t know who Takaki was talking about--he knew Takaki meant Takumi--but because he couldn’t believe that much time had passed since they’d met. And that Takaki still didn’t know anything else about him. 

“Yeah, that guy in your class that liked you. He did like you, right?” 

“I, um…” Feeling awkward about saying it, Inoo looked down, fishing around on his plate for a moment. “We, uh, we kissed.”

Takaki brought a hand up to his mouth in surprise. When he didn’t speak, Inoo continued on his own. 

“Really, he kissed me, I just… Didn’t stop him. And kissed him back, I guess.” That was downplaying it to a momentous degree, but he didn’t want to make Takaki uncomfortable, because that looked a little like what was happening; Takaki was leaning away from the table, sitting up straight.

“You didn’t tell me that.” Takaki said. 

“Yeah, I didn’t want…” Inoo gestured at Takaki. “To make you feel weird.”

“I don’t feel weird.”

“You look like this makes you feel weird.” 

Takaki then made a momentous effort to try to relax his posture, but that only made him look more awkward. 

“Well, I just… I didn’t know you liked him.” 

“I didn’t, I don’t think. But I don’t get the chance to kiss other guys ever, really, and he was cute, so…” He shrugged, going back to his food. “It doesn’t really matter. It didn’t end well, anyway.”

“Yeah?” Takaki asked.

“Yeah.” Inoo wasn’t willing to elaborate, wanting now to change the subject, hoping that if he acted blase about it, his real feelings about just how hard the situation had been wouldn’t show on his face. “I talked to Daiki about it, and he helped me. I don’t really ever want to see him again, but I do miss having someone to make out with.”

That last sentence seemed to be the nail in the coffin with Takaki’s comfort level when it came to Inoo kissing boys, and Inoo began to regret saying it, because for the rest of their meal, Takaki seemed slightly preoccupied. Not so much that they couldn’t carry a conversation, because they could, and did; conversation didn’t come as easily as it did on the phone, but it was still fine. Inoo almost considered not mentioning it, but he knew that if he didn’t it would bother him, so when dinner looked like it was coming to a close and a lull settled in conversation, he went for it. 

“Are you going to tell me about what has you all distracted?” 

“What?” Takaki looked caught off guard. 

“For the past like… Hour or whatever, you’ve seemed like you’re thinking about something.”

“Oh.” Takaki shrugged, knocking the rest of his drink back. “I just… Never mind, it’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

Inoo raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t tell me now, I’m just going to call you and ask about it as soon as I get home. You do realize that, right?” 

“So nosy.” 

“I kind of feel like it was my fault. After telling you about that guy.” Inoo shrugged, drawing his shoulders together so he could stretch his arms out in front of him. “Sorry.” 

“No, it’s not, it’s just… I was just thinking about…” There seemed to be a great internal struggle going on inside Takaki’s head, and Inoo couldn’t have said which side won, because then Takaki said, almost in a rushed way like he couldn’t _ not _say it, “Inoo, can I kiss you?” 

Inoo couldn’t do more than stare at him. “You’re joking.” He said. He felt like this couldn’t be reality, that he must have heard Takaki wrong. That he was so deep in this crush on Takaki that he was hearing what he wanted to hear, and Takaki had actually said something innocent and completely platonic. “You’re joking.” 

But Takaki wasn’t looking at him like his response was an out of place one for whatever he’d actually said, and Inoo was realizing that his idea of self-deception wasn’t quite right either; he wouldn’t want Takaki to ask him that, not here, not like this. Then Takaki spoke again. 

“No, I wasn’t.”

“You--but you just asked--” Incredulous and unable to look fully at Takaki, unable to fully process the question, Inoo instead cast around for something to say. The restaurant was tiny, but it wasn’t empty, with a couple other patrons and a handful of staff. “Here? Now?” 

“I…” Takaki glanced around too. “Well, I mean--”

“We should go.” Inoo stood up. They’d been sitting there for a while, their plates and cups empty. Inoo’d had his drink refilled a couple of times, so Takaki must have too, right? Maybe Inoo hadn’t been paying attention, and Takaki had been drinking more than Inoo realized. Maybe he was drunk. He had to be drunk. He wouldn’t just… Say something like that if he wasn’t. 

Looking almost startled, Takaki stood too. He insisted on paying for the meal, since he’d been the one that agreed to the group’s urging to go out, and they walked to the train station in silence. 

“Inoo, I--”

“Will you be able to get home alright?” Inoo asked, cutting him off, unwilling to let him say anything else about it. He didn’t want to let Takaki talk some more, and let his drunk self embarrass him--though, if he looked closely enough, this wasn’t how Takaki looked when he was drunk--and if he was drunk enough to ask to kiss Inoo, he might be too drunk to get back to his apartment safely. Takaki just looked at him for a moment.

“Yeah. I will.” 

“Oh. Okay, good. Thank you for the food.” Inoo didn’t know what to do, so he said a quick goodnight and passed through the train station towards the platform, leaving Takaki standing there.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all kicking off now folks!

Inoo’s brain felt like it was stuck on loop, repeating the question over and over in his head, the near-urgent way Takaki had asked it, the startling realization that Takaki had been serious. Inoo’s first desire was to call Daiki and talk to him about the experience, but refrained; he didn’t want this to become a funny MC conversation at a concert some years down the road. He wanted to keep it to himself.

Inoo couldn’t even fathom how he would feel upon seeing Takaki at work the next day. He put off leaving as long as he could, walking into the practice room with less than a minute to spare. A couple of the members looked up at him as he walked through the door, and when Inoo met eyes with Takaki he felt a jolt go up his spine.

“Inoo!” Yuto jumped up towards him, stealing his attention. “How was dinner with Takaki? He’s not talking about it.”

“It was spectacular.” Inoo said grandly, putting a hand to his chest. “He was a prince and paid for my food for me.”

“Really?” 

“I mean, it was fine.” 

“Fine?” 

Inoo shrugged. “It was normal.” 

That wasn’t true in the slightest, but it seemed as though he’d been able to sell the words, Yuto’s face falling.

“That’s it?” He asked. 

“What did you expect?” Inoo asked back, and Yuto just shrugged a little, not having time to elaborate due to practice starting up. 

Inoo spent the entire day trying to avoid Takaki’s eyes. He was grilled about the dinner a little more by the other members, and Takaki was too, but they’d come to an unspoken agreement to say that it had been “fine” and not elaborate much past that. JUMP all seemed disappointed by the verdict, but Inoo had a feeling that if they knew what had actually happened, they would be grateful that “fine” was the verdict they had reached about it all.

The question kept coming back to him, asked in Takaki’s quick and anxious voice, all of a sudden and all at once and leaving him slightly dazed for a couple of seconds throughout the day. It was so distracting that he had a couple of the members ask him if he was okay, and each time they did he gave an affirmative answer, and made sure not to look at Takaki. 

The end of the day found Inoo on his couch, a convenience store meal in his lap, his chopsticks resting on his lip, trying to think. He was running through the entire evening, trying to think of what could have prompted a question like that out of Takaki; had it been something Inoo said? Something he’d done? They’d talked about crushes. Inoo had talked about kissing. Takaki had asked to kiss him. Inoo had shot him down.

Inoo began frowning. No, that wasn’t right, exactly. He hadn’t actually ever said no. He’d just pretended that Takaki couldn’t possibly be in his right mind, and run off. Any way he tried to frame the scene in his head, or justify it to himself, that had been an incredibly harsh way to end the evening. It made his insides squirm just to think about, and found himself grabbing at his cell phone and dialing Takaki’s number. 

“Uh… Hi.” Takaki sounded almost confused. 

“Hey!” Inoo tried for light, and cheerful; Takaki’s tone was making his stomach twist with nerves. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing, really. You?” 

“Eating dinner, mostly.” Inoo lied. He’d barely touched his food, and now sat up straighter, pushing the plastic container off of himself and onto the little table he had in the middle of the room. “I just… I wanted to talk about yesterday.”

“Okay.” Takaki said, and when he didn’t say anything else, Inoo took that as a green light to start.

“I… I wanted to apologize, I guess. I didn’t react well.” He should have planned out what he wanted to say; an apology for previous actions would be useless if his current words weren’t also what he wanted. “I shouldn’t have been so dismissive. You were just drunk, but you didn’t do anything bad, and I guess in retrospect it kind of seemed like I freaked out? But I just want you to know that I’m fine. We can just pretend it didn’t happen, even. People do all sorts of things because of alcohol, right? Wanting a kiss from a friend is pretty much nothing, you know. So just… I’m sorry for being so strange about it. It’s okay.” 

“Right.” Takaki said, the word short, and… His tone was wrong, and this wasn’t at all going how Inoo wanted it to, and he was starting to almost feel sick from it. “No.” 

“No?” What was that supposed to mean, that he didn’t accept Inoo’s apology? Inoo wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say. So he just didn’t say anything, sitting in stunned silence, and Takaki made a small noise into the receiver. 

“I wasn’t drunk, Inoo.” 

“You had beer with dinner, though.”

“Yeah, one. There was water at the table too.” 

Right, tiny cups with a pitcher for refills in the middle. Inoo found himself wondering why Takaki had let him stumble through that entire apology if he was just going to refute one of the first points, but that was what Takaki always did, never cutting him off, always letting him finish speaking before talking himself. 

“I don’t understand.” Inoo confessed. That was better, he figured, than to continue to put his foot in his mouth like he so desperately found himself wanting to do. He just wanted to talk, to babble, until he stumbled on a better topic that didn’t make him feel so baffled and unsure on his feet, like he was trying to walk backwards on a moving train.

“I don’t… I don’t really know how I feel.” Takaki said after a moment. “But… It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and… I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“About kissing me?” Inoo couldn’t help the question, completely bewildered. He remembered asking Takaki  _ What, do you want to just kiss every pretty thing you see?,  _ and Takaki’s answer. 

_ "I don’t know. Maybe.” _

“I mean… It wasn’t usually that specific, but when I really thought about it, yeah. It was always you.”

_ It was always you. _ The words seemed to echo in Inoo’s chest, leaving him so stunned that he was simply sitting there, his mouth half open, knowing he should speak but unsure of what to say. 

“I… Well, I’m flattered and stuff, but… Takaki.” 

“What?” 

“Oh.” The simple, one word question from Takaki told Inoo that not only was Takaki not catching onto the fact that Inoo felt hit over the head by a steel beam, but that he and Inoo were not currently operating under the same assumption. Inoo felt it obvious that there was no way this was happening, that the kiss question, while asked in a serious tone, had not actually been a serious one; he wouldn’t have to actually say yes or no. That “no” was implied because it was impossible. But Takaki was still waiting on an answer. 

Inoo couldn’t say yes. He knew that immediately. He couldn’t kiss Takaki… Could he? The thought of it was so bizarre and impossible that posing the question didn’t feel real. But it was real. Takaki had asked. 

And Inoo… Inoo really, really liked Takaki. He liked Takaki so much that it was an actual, physical ache. 

All Takaki was asking for was a kiss. Just a kiss; one kiss. Inoo had managed to make out with a guy for over a year without catching any feelings past casual friendship. By that logic, even though he did have real feelings for Takaki, Inoo figured that kissing him one time wouldn’t affect things much. It might even lessen the crush, release some of the tension. It might completely kill Inoo’s feelings, if the kiss was bad. 

“Fine.” Inoo said, before he could talk himself out of it, before he had time to re-examine his logic and admit to himself just how flimsy it was. 

“Fine?” Takaki echoed. 

“I’ll do it. I’ll kiss you.” 

“Oh.” The word was more of a sound, more of a relieved exhale than anything else. “You will?”

“If you ask me that I  _ will _ change my mind.” Inoo warned him. “Tomorrow, okay? Like… After work?” 

“Okay.” Takaki said. He sounded audibly nervous, but Inoo didn’t want to comment on it. “Where? ...your place? My place?”

Oh, no, they couldn’t do it at any place that even had the illusion of privacy. Inoo knew himself too well for that; if he could put his hands up a guy’s shirt in a place as public as a library, there were real dangers in being in a living room--or heaven forbid, a bedroom--with Takaki Yuya. A Takaki Yuya that wanted Inoo’s lips on him. 

“At work might be a safe idea, after everyone else goes home.” Inoo offered. “You know, just in case. So the paparazzi don’t get pictures of us going to and from apartment buildings that aren’t ours, you know?”

The logic was flimsy there, too--this whole thing was a house of cards that would collapse if Inoo looked at it too hard--but Takaki made a small noise of agreement. 

“Yeah, sure. Tomorrow. After work.” 

“Yeah.” Inoo swallowed. This was so strange, setting up a date and time for one kiss, but it almost had to be this way. Like a business deal. This couldn’t be casual, and couldn’t lead to anything more, because--well, because it wouldn’t. Takaki didn’t like him. Takaki didn’t like men; he’d said so himself. But if Inoo allowed himself to ignore that little detail, as he liked to do sometimes, it still wouldn’t work out, he knew. They would just crash and burn, just as he and Takumi had, and then work would be hell. Inoo didn’t want to go through it again, through all the risk and hassle of dating someone if that person wasn’t The One, someone he was in love with, someone he was willing to risk everything for. Takaki couldn’t be that person. People didn’t find their true love at seventeen--people didn’t  _ meet _ their true love at fourteen. 

It was only one kiss. 

  
  


Inoo wore the most unflattering clothes he could find to practice the next day. He’d dug in the back of his closet, finding some ratty leggings that were pilling at the knees and had a rip in one of the calves, pairing that with a faded blue-grey sweater that had weird bleached spots and was so big that it went down almost to his knees. It would be a little hard to dance in, but still. If it made him look like a formless blob, it’d be worth it.

They were on for nine hours today, starting at nine and ending at six, with an hour for lunch and a couple interspersed breaks. Their upcoming single wasn’t going to be a dance heavy one, and the music video and audio recordings had already been done, so they weren’t going to be working on that. Instead, they were working together in an attempt to perfect a routine put together for them to an American pop song that Inoo was finding less and less catchy and more and more annoying. 

He barely noticed his annoyance today, though. As soon as he walked in his eyes found Takaki’s own, Takaki staring at him for a full five seconds--just long enough for nerves to churn in Inoo’s gut--before looking away again. 

The day was sweaty and grueling, which didn’t help Inoo’s comfort level, but did a good deal for his attempt to look as unappealing as possible. He wasn’t even sure why he was doing it, wanting to look like a gross lump of fabric--maybe because he knew this endeavor was a bad idea, and was trying to sabotage it instead of call it off. Because he didn’t  _ want  _ to call it off. 

Apparently, Takaki didn’t either. His loitering around was rather obvious, shooting glances at Inoo every couple of seconds, declining Yabu’s invitation to go out to dinner with himself and Daiki, which led to Inoo having to decline the same invitation moments later. Finally, they were alone.

Inoo stayed by his bag, his phone in his hand without actually looking at it. This was Takaki’s idea. This was Takaki’s request. Takaki should make the first move. 

It seemed to take forever--maybe it was forever, and maybe it was a couple of minutes--but eventually, Takaki did. 

“Uh… It’s just us.” 

Not the most elegant proposition, but Inoo decided that he would take it. 

“Yup.” He answered, trying to sound nonchalant and coming across unmistakably nervous instead. He saw Takaki approaching in his peripheral vision, setting his phone down and turning to him as soon as he came to a stop in front of Inoo. 

And Takaki just stood there, just staring at him, for so long that it was like Inoo’s eyes had just told him some complicated math problem.

“Are… Are we gonna do this, or what?” Inoo finally asked, and at his voice Takaki’s whole face lit up pink, all the way to the tips of his ears. It was cute. 

“I’m just--I’m nervous!” Takaki burst out. “This is weird. It’s awkward. Couldn’t you… Couldn’t you just…?”

He trailed off, giving Inoo a hopeful look, and Inoo gave a disbelieving stare back.

“This was your idea!” Inoo said. “It’s not like you’ve never kissed someone before. You can do it.” 

“But you’ve kissed--kissed guys, and I haven’t. So, technically--”

“There is no ‘technically’.” Inoo couldn’t help the muted grin on his face. Playing at playful was easier than being tense. “Come on.” 

Takaki took a step closer. “This is weird.” He said again.

“Yeah, usually people wait for an organic moment of romantic tension.” Inoo responded, trying to sound deadpan and amused to keep the nerves from his voice. Takaki took another step closer.

“I guess so.” 

He was close enough, now, to lean in.

“Sorry.” Inoo felt the need to say. “For being…” He didn’t know how to describe his appearance, but Takaki seemed to know what he meant.

“You look pretty anyway.” He said, shrugging a little, like the words weren’t something Inoo would be replaying in his head for at least the next four days. “Besides…” He moved his arms, putting one hand on each side of Inoo’s sweater, drawing his hands in until they rested on Inoo’s waist. His hands were big, and warm, and accentuated just how large the sweater was on him. “You always look cute in baggy clothes.” 

“Takaki.” Inoo wanted to sound annoyed. He came out sounding almost breathless. “Kiss me.” 

Inoo saw it--a flash of nerves across Takaki’s face--but before he could say or do much else Takaki had leaned in, pressing his lips to Inoo’s. The touch was incredibly light, lasting less than a second before Takaki drew back again. 

Inoo couldn’t do much more than blink at him, and Takaki glanced away, still holding onto Inoo’s waist. 

“Sorry.” He muttered, and Inoo couldn’t help but giggle. Knowing just how nervous Takaki was diffused all the tension from Inoo’s chest, putting his hands on Takaki’s shoulders.

“It’s fine.” Inoo told him. “I just… I’ve had sexier kisses with my mom, probably.” 

Takaki made a face. “Don’t say that.” 

“This is what, an experiment?” Inoo asked. He wound his arms around Takaki’s neck, letting his hands dangle at the wrists. “You aren’t going to get anything from a kiss like that.” 

He leaned in, having to tilt his chin up slightly thanks to Takaki’s height, stopping when his lips were a breath away. He almost asked for permission to close the distance, lips parting to speak, when a small, almost-whine of a sound came from somewhere in the back of Takaki’s throat. That was permission enough for Inoo, closing the gap between them. 

Of all the times Inoo had imagined kissing Takaki, it had never gone quite like this. For one, Takaki always kissed him first in these fantasies, leaning down or grabbing him by the chin or dragging him in by the hand. This Takaki was soft, pliant against him, and after a beat, a breath, was kissing Inoo back. 

Maybe this was it, Inoo realized, the difference that feelings made. Because he loved it, loved all of it; the feel of Takaki’s hair as he put his hands in it, the way Takaki’s fingers curled into his sweater, digging slightly into his hips to pull him that tiny bit closer. Inoo dropped his chin for the smallest of seconds, just long enough to swallow down an amount of air that would keep him from passing out, and Takaki was the one that chased his lips back. The previous hesitancy was no longer there, replaced by an ardency that had Inoo’s center of balance falling back, just a bit, with the strength of it.

Takaki didn’t let him go though, lifting a hand to the small of Inoo’s back, the slight movement in touch prompting a sharp inhale through Inoo’s nose. He’d never felt like this while being kissed before, bringing one of his hands to the side of Takaki’s neck, letting his fingertips touch Takaki’s cheek. He felt  _ held,  _ felt so wanting and weak-kneed and  _ good. _

Then Takaki leaned back to take a breath, and the reality of the situation came crashing back around Inoo’s shoulders. This was why he’d worn these clothes. This was why he’d wanted to do this at work, where anyone could walk in at any moment; he’d been getting carried away. 

Inoo rolled back onto his heels--he’d lifted up onto the balls of his feet at some point, but couldn’t at all remember when--taking his hands off of Takaki’s face. Takaki’s hands were still clenched up in his sweater, and Inoo felt his grip slowly relax, his fingers disentangling themselves. He had a stunned sort of expression on his face, one Inoo couldn’t read, and Inoo took a full step back. 

“Um.” Was all Inoo managed. What was he supposed to say? He brought a hand up to his wet mouth, wiping the bent middle joint of his index finger across his bottom lip. 

“I…” Takaki said, which made Inoo relax a bit, because that wasn’t much better. He almost wanted to laugh at the awkwardness, but Takaki’s expression was a little too worried, a little too alarmed, and--afraid, almost?--for him to relax. 

“Takaki--” He started, wanting just to say something, when Takaki turned tail, grabbing his bag as he did, and all but ran from the practice room. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming close to the end! Thank you to everyone that's read along so far ♡

Inoo spent the next couple of days wondering if he should have run after Takaki. After three full days of complete silence, avoidance, and near-panicked rushes from work, Inoo came to the conclusion that yes, he should have. 

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say, and even if he did, didn’t know how to get Takaki alone to say it without causing a scene. He couldn’t be the one to call Takaki first, not wanting to come across as desperate, or even remotely flirty, waiting—wanting—for Takaki to call him first. But it wasn’t happening. 

Still, they had the twenty-fourth, the day one of them always called. It was cutting it really close, two days before the release of their new song  _ Come On A My House,  _ but Inoo was holding out hope they wouldn’t be too busy to talk. They’d actually released  _ Hitomi no SCREEN  _ on the twenty-fourth of the month and hadn’t been too busy to talk then. 

By ten at night, Inoo was starting to get a little nervous. Work had let out two hours ago; Takaki had to be home by now. It was getting late. They’d called each other on this date, without fail, for years now. Why wasn’t he calling?

Panic began settling in once eleven o’clock hit. Eleven-thirty. Eleven-forty-five. Takaki still hadn’t called. It was five minutes to midnight when realization settled into Inoo’s gut like a stone. It just wasn’t happening. Takaki wasn’t going to call him. 

Despite saying he wouldn’t do it, Inoo dialed Takaki’s number instead, watching the clock on his wall. Even if it was only one minute before midnight, it would still count. Now all Takaki needed to do was pick up. 

The phone rang, and rang, and eventually, the prerecorded message inviting Inoo to Takaki’s voicemail began. Takaki hadn’t answered. Not only was he not calling, he didn’t even want to talk to Inoo at all. A lump began rising in Inoo’s throat. 

Midnight came and went. The twenty-fourth passed, the four year streak was broken, and Inoo felt tears welling up in his eyes. All for a kiss, for one stupid kiss, he’d gone and let himself ruin one of the best relationships with another person he’d had in his life. 

At six minutes after, barely even scratching the surface of the pool of wallowing Inoo was fully preparing to throw himself into, his cell phone rang in his hand. It startled Inoo so badly that he flung the phone away, having to get up off his bed and scramble after it. He picked it up and answered, pressing it to his ear with both his hand and his shoulder. 

“Hi.”

“Hi, I— _ damn it— _ it’s me.”

It was Takaki. It was a strangely out of breath, cursing, breathing heavily into the receiver Takaki, but it was Takaki all the same. The tears that had been welling in Inoo’s eyes sprung up again, but this time from relief. 

“You’re late.” Inoo said, knowing he sounded petulant but not caring. 

“Yeah, I… Shit, sorry, I…”

“Are…” Inoo had to frown. “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

“I… Well, I mean, I was nervous, I guess.” Takaki said after a moment, but Inoo knew, with the complete way that Takaki had been avoiding him, that the semi-casual tone and tacked on ‘I guess’ made that the understatement of the century. “So I took a shower to think about it a little, and whatever, I was in there for too long and I didn’t realize the time, and I ran out to get my phone—damn, I’m still dripping all over the floor—”

Inoo realized in that moment that he was speaking to a wet, fresh out of the shower, probably completely naked—or at least wrapped haphazardly in a towel—Takaki Yuya. His throat was suddenly very dry. 

“And I stubbed my toe and that knocked my phone off the table, then hit my head when I was bending down to pick it up.”

And there was the dumb side of him, the dorkiness that offset all the sexy and made him completely loveable instead. 

“Do you mind if I set you down to go get dressed?” Takaki asked, and Inoo was fairly certain that his brain was short-circuiting. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, sure.” The words stumbled out of his mouth. “I don’t. Don’t mind, I mean.” 

“Okay.” 

Inoo cursed lowly to himself as he heard the clatter of the phone being set down. It was time to have this conversation, to talk about this, and despite how badly he’d wanted Takaki to call him, and how relieved he’d been when his phone rang and Takaki’s name was on the screen, he wasn’t sure he wanted to do this. He wasn’t sure that he was ready. 

When the phone was picked back up with Takaki’s announcement of “Okay, dressed,” Inoo decided that there was no point in beating around the bush.

“Should I have just not kissed you?” 

Takaki made a slight noise, Inoo getting the feeling he was surprised. 

“I… What?”

“You heard me.” Inoo grumbled, not eager to repeat himself. 

Takaki fell silent. 

“No.” He finally said. “No, it was my fault. I’m the one that asked. I don’t… I don’t blame you for, I don’t know, anything.” 

“Then stop punishing me!” 

“Punishing… You?” Takaki asked.

“Yes! You’re avoiding me like a crazy person. What’s wrong with you?” 

“It’s…” Takaki was trailing off a lot. Inoo wondered how awkward he was feeling. “You said I could kiss you, but you didn’t say how good you would be at it.” 

“I… I mean…” Now it was Inoo’s turn to be awkward, feeling completely thrown. One of the reasons he’d imagined up for Takaki’s avoidance was that the kiss had been bad, and not the other way around. He couldn’t really reconcile it being bad with the memory of how Takaki had reacted to the kiss, and to him, but still. It was an easy excuse, and he’d clung to it. “I mean, thanks and everything, but wouldn’t that be a good thing?”

“I don’t know.” Takaki responded. The answer didn’t make much sense, but it sounded completely honest, so Inoo took it. Then, “I feel like I liked it too much.”

“No harm in liking something. Especially not a kiss from me.” Inoo had decided beforehand that he wouldn’t get flirty, but with a sentence like that out of Takaki Yuya, the need for a defense mechanism had been too strong to resist. “Why did you even want to kiss me?”

“It just—I don’t really know the reason. I’d been thinking about it for so long.”

If that wasn’t a surprise, Inoo didn’t know what was. He was almost afraid to ask how long was “so long”. If he’d been paying attention, he might have caught the signs of escalation: Takaki asking if he had a “gay vibe”, asking if Inoo was going to kiss Takumi, asking Inoo what kissing a guy was like; even asking Inoo how he knew he was gay.

“Are we going to be weird around each other now?” He asked.

“No!” Takaki exclaimed instantly. “I mean… I don’t want to be.”

“I don’t either. But we can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.” Takaki avoiding him like the plague was evidence enough of that. “How…” Inoo didn’t know how to say this and still be casual, so he gave up. “How are you feeling right now?” 

“I don’t know.” Takaki said again. Again, the words didn’t give Inoo much to work with, but again, sounded so honest that Inoo had to take the answer. 

“Then we kissed.” Inoo said, changing his tone, strengthening his resolve to how it had been before the kiss; that it would only be once, and that it wouldn’t change anything. He wasn’t going to take advantage of the obviously fragile state Takaki was in, or try to sway him, even accidentally, into anything else with words. The thought of it felt creepy and gross. “We had our one kiss, and now we’ll just be friends, and that’ll be that.” 

“Oh.” Try as he might, Inoo couldn’t read the tone in Takaki’s voice. “Yeah. Okay.” 

And, miraculously, that’s exactly what happened. They released  _ Come On A My House, _ finished their nationwide tour, and began gearing up to release another dance number, a song that would be used as the ending theme for Daiki and Yamada’s drama special. Inoo got offered a two episode cameo in a drama that Hikaru was going to be in, beginning to prepare for that. 

And throughout the whole thing, he and Takaki stayed about the same. They still talked on the phone once a month, Inoo continuing to give Takaki the occasional, spur-of-the-moment compliment, Takaki continuing to be absolutely, devastatingly attractive. If anything, they were a bit more comfortable around each other in public, having casual conversations at work, Takaki coming over and sitting himself next to Inoo sometimes, if the opportunity arose and they had a moment to relax. They still weren’t super close in person. They didn’t go out and do things together outside of work, but if anything, Inoo was grateful for that; now that Inoo knew what it was like to have Takaki’s lips on his, Takaki’s hands on him, physical distance was good. Physical distance was necessary. 

There was less than a month left until the release of their eleventh single, and the group was still trying to perfect the choreography. Days were long and grueling, and they were about six hours into a rather rough dance practice when a break was called. Takaki had been glancing at him today, glancing at him a lot--glancing wasn’t completely uncommon, but today it had him feeling hot under the collar--so Inoo declared himself off to the vending machine, asking if anyone else wanted anything. He was met with a chorus of declinations, most of the members either still going through the dance moves or flopped onto the floor, when Takaki jumped to his feet. 

“I want something.” 

“Yeah? What? I’ll get it for you.” 

“Nah, I’ll come. I don’t have any change anyway.” 

Inoo frowned a bit as he pushed his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. He had half a mind to tell Takaki that it was fine, that he was planning on paying for whatever it was Takaki wanted--it wasn’t as though anything in the vending machine was particularly expensive--but Takaki was already past him and walking down the hall, so he didn’t bother. 

In truth, Inoo’s plan hadn’t really gone further than to leave the room for a couple of minutes, so now he had to stand in front of the vending machine, with an audience, and decide on something to buy. He drew his lips together as he thought over his options, Takaki just standing there next to him, about to select apple juice to make his silly “Tension Apple” pun when Takaki made a slight, strangled sort of noise. 

“What’re you--” Inoo began, turning to him, surprised to see Takaki looking at him in a way that was almost desperate. 

“Can I just--” Takaki started, but that was as far as he got, because then he cut himself off, took Inoo’s face in his hands, and kissed him. 

This was more like the kiss that Inoo had fantasized about, and despite his surprise, Inoo melted into it almost instantly. His mouth opened easily, kissing Takaki back, and it was all he had not to lean against the vending machine and pull Takaki close to him. Takaki cradled Inoo’s face in his hands, one hand sliding into his hair, Inoo about to reach out to touch Takaki--to put his hands on Takaki’s waist, or around his neck, or  _ something— _ when he realized what they were doing, and he realized he didn’t know what they were doing at all, and he pulled away. 

Takaki didn’t want to let him go, his top teeth biting ever so slightly into Inoo’s bottom lip as he drew back, the sensation sending something electric down Inoo’s spine, unable to help the word that passed his lips, barely a breath. 

“Wow.” 

And then he realized that he’d said that out loud, about ready to die of mortification, glancing up at Takaki. Takaki didn’t look smug in any way by the compliment, his eyebrows nervously drawn together instead. 

“Was that… Was that okay?” Takaki asked him. Inoo felt his eyebrows fly up his forehead.

“You’re seriously asking me if that kiss was okay after I just said ‘wow’ out loud?” He asked back, and Takaki flushed all the way down his neck.

“That wasn’t--that’s not what I meant.” 

It took Inoo a moment of mind-clearing head shakes to understand what it was Takaki was asking. If it had been okay to kiss Inoo at all. Takaki looked terribly nervous and unsure, so Inoo tried to phrase his “what the hell just happened” question as casually as he could. 

“I guess… I guess I want to know why.”

“You just looked…” Takaki trailed off for just a moment before shaking his head, covering his face with his hands. “This was stupid, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

“Takaki.” Inoo stopped something that seemed to be gearing up to be a minor freak-out, placing a hand on Takaki’s shoulder. “Are you okay? What’s going on?” 

“I just wanted to kiss you.” Takaki said. “I’d been--you look so nice today--” Inoo wasn’t sure he agreed with that, feeling sweaty in leggings, shorts, and a baggy t-shirt-- “and I was thinking about last time we kissed, and I really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, but…” 

He shrugged, and Inoo, his hand still on Takaki’s shoulder, frowned. 

“I’m not mad at you or anything.” He felt the need to say. 

“You’re not?”

“Are you kidding me? I said wow.” Inoo said, unable not to grin, and Takaki began smiling back. “Though… We did agree to just be friends.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Takaki said again. “It won’t… I won’t do it again.” 

Inoo just laughed a little--Takaki looked sorry, but not nearly sorry enough--grabbing Takaki’s hand to drag him back to the practice room. Takaki came, leaning forwards a bit in response to Inoo’s pulling on him, his face one of confusion. 

“Didn’t you want something from the vending machine?”

Oh, right; Inoo’s excuse to leave the room. He shook his head. 

“I wasn’t actually thirsty or anything. I just needed to get out of there for a minute; all your staring at me got me all hot and bothered.” The blush flooded Takaki’s face again, Inoo letting out a laugh. “Yes, I noticed.” 

Inoo dropped Takaki’s hand right outside the practice room doors, Takaki’s promise not to do it again ringing in his mind. 

The next time they promised not to do it again, Takaki was wearing those low-slung sweatpants again and Inoo couldn’t help himself, getting into Takaki’s space once everyone else had left, pinning him to the mirrored wall in the practice room. He’d hung back after practice, and Takaki noticed him waiting around and did the same, occasionally glancing over and catching his eye, Inoo taking that as permission enough to kiss him stupid. And he did, his hands on Takaki’s chest, Takaki’s fingers in his hair. 

The next two times were both Takaki’s fault, but Inoo wasn’t complaining, though he knew he probably should be. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was just digging himself a grave. Setting himself up for disaster. He didn’t shy away from asking questions though, wanting to know where Takaki’s head was in all of this. 

“How do you feel?” He asked over the phone. “What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure.” Takaki, thankfully, was just as honest, though he sounded embarrassed as he spoke. “It’s not… It’s not a feeling I have about any other guys. I just want to kiss you.” 

Inoo wasn’t sure what to do with that. As far as he knew, sexuality wasn’t a “you are the only exception” thing, despite what some romance songs might say. People that weren’t strictly straight or gay could have a preference to men or women, but he’d heard that preferences were more like sixty to forty, or eighty to twenty, not over seven billion to one. But, Inoo had to admit; being that “one” was an incredible feeling. 

Eventually, all pretense was dropped. They were sneaking around to kiss, and fully acknowledged it. They were no longer trying to keep their hands off each other, instead trying to find small moments in time to get together without the rest of JUMP noticing. It got creative, Inoo lying to leave and doubling back, Takaki pretending to hurt himself, Inoo’s bathroom break conveniently lining up with Takaki stepping out to take a call.

They never moved any of it out of their work building and to a more private location. Inoo still didn’t want to chance it. He was embarrassingly, overwhelmingly attracted to Takaki, and was afraid that if he was given the opportunity to pin Takaki down to a couch, or a bed, or anything more horizontal than the side of a vending machine and more private than a workplace, he might end up propositioning him, and things would go from bad to worse. 

Not that he hadn’t thought about it. Or dreamed about it. But still. He shouldn’t  _ actually _ do it. 

Usually, their little makeout sessions were at least somewhat planned. Inoo wasn’t one to be caught off guard. That was a running trend, setting them up beforehand, until all of a sudden, it wasn’t. 

Inoo was slowly packing up his stuff--genuinely just taking his time due to exhaustion, no ulterior motive--the rest of the group swept up in a whirlwind of plans to go somewhere with a couple other guys from the agency. It sounded like fun but Inoo felt too tired for it, waving in dismissal and letting them pass him by. 

He assumed he was alone, or very nearly so, when a pair of strong arms wound around his waist. There was a low “Hi there,” in his ear, the smile in Takaki’s voice audible, and Inoo felt himself smile back without even realizing it, glancing at the mirrored wall. Takaki was standing behind him, hugging Inoo close to his chest, Inoo reaching up to put his hands on Takaki’s own. 

Inoo loved it, behind held by Takaki. Takaki’s chest was firm against Inoo’s back, but Inoo turned in Takaki’s arms, putting his arms around Takaki’s waist. He loved Takaki’s waist too, loved touching it, loved the way Takaki would sometimes squirm and giggle into a kiss if Inoo accidentally tickled him. 

“You’re not going with them?” He asked. Takaki made a slight humming noise, bending his head so it was close to Inoo’s neck, his lips brushing the skin where Inoo’s neck met his shoulder as he responded. 

“Not sure. I might catch up with them later. I want to shower and stuff.” 

“Oh, but your dirty, unwashed self is good enough for me?” He asked, a playful grin on Takaki’s lips as he put his arms around Inoo’s neck.

“Well? Is it good enough?” He asked back, and Inoo just rolled his eyes, unable not to smile, so happy that his chest ached a little.

“Shut up.” He responded as he leaned in. Takaki laughed, the laugh deep and quiet and close, the kind of laugh Inoo would always treasure when he heard it over the phone. But now it was here, and because of him, and only seconds before a kiss. And suddenly, in a strange way, Inoo almost wanted to cry. 

He’d messed up. He’d completely messed up. He’d fallen, head over heels, in love with Takaki Yuya. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I hope you like it!

He tried to tell himself that it wouldn’t be too different than having a simple crush on him, but it was. It was  _ painful. _ He wanted to invite Takaki over to his apartment, but not to ravish him--though he wouldn’t say no to that either--but to cuddle on the couch and eat snacks and watch stupid movies together. He wanted to go with Takaki to the beach, instead of just seeing pictures about it later. He wanted to hold Takaki’s hand, and kiss him whenever he felt that urge in his chest, when Takaki did something dumb, or cute, or sexy; which, in all honesty, was more often than not. And what kind of gay idiocy was that? It was stupid. 

Once he’d managed to graduate from Meiji University, Inoo hadn’t done much looking towards the future. It was all about here and now, about the group and what he could do and how he could help them succeed. It was almost like in becoming an idol, he’d forgotten how to want things for himself. But he was coming to realize that someday, even if it wasn’t soon and even if it wasn’t with Takaki, he wanted a relationship like that, the kissing and the hand-holding and the movie nights. He wanted to be properly in real, reciprocated love. 

He would have to hide it from the public, sure; that was something he’d come to terms with long ago. But he couldn’t hide it from his family. He didn’t want to. His bandmates were his family now, as much as his sister and his parents were. So, by that logic, he had to come out to them. And he was starting to feel like he wanted to do it soon. 

It was a terrifying thought. It didn’t matter, he realized, how much he thought they would support him; there was that “what if” lingering there, refusing to go away. What if—excluding Daiki and Takaki—they hated him for it? What if they thought he was disgusting? What if they were lying about being accepting of the other, more “out” members of Johnny’s Entertainment, and turned their backs on him?

It wasn’t a logical train of thought, but it was there, and he couldn’t make it go away.

He also didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. He didn’t want it to be a big deal, despite how much it felt like one. He didn’t want to be treated differently. But he had no idea how to even breach the topic. A joke felt almost too casual, and a passing statement would more than definitely go over the heads of Yabu, or Keito, or anyone else that wasn’t really paying attention. It needed to be done in front of everybody, and at least a bit seriously, with all of their focus on him. The thought of that alone was terrifying. Inoo was floundering, trying to brainstorm, when the perfect example fell into his lap. 

The group had started having a semi-regular segment in a magazine. That wasn’t anything new, but the segment itself was incredibly stupid. They were given a scenario, something that was happening between them and an imaginary girlfriend or female crush, and were asked to respond with what they would do. Their answers were posted anonymously, ranked by the readers, and then the winners and losers were announced in the magazine’s next issue. Inoo had found it mildly unbearable at first, but when he realized that the other members were seeing it as a competition, as a game, he began to play the game too.

It wasn’t really that hard. He just had to think of something stereotypical, something that would happen in some girl’s manga or romantic drama, then add his own “Inoo-branded” weird spin on it. He wasn’t usually ranked first, but he did get close a few times. However, a trend did begin to emerge: Chinen often got dead last. 

Someone always bought the magazine on their way to work the day it came out, excited to check the rankings and find out who said what. They all got a laugh out of imagining their friends actually saying some of these things, occasionally getting a dramatic reenactment, depending on how high-energy Yuto or Daiki were feeling that day. 

“Oh wow, Chinen. You’re so mean!” Yabu exclaimed. He’d bought the magazine, and let it fall into his lap as he gaped at Chinen. Chinen himself was lazing in a chair, sitting in it completely sideways, his phone in his hand and one earbud in his ear, the other dangling very close to the floor. “This is harsh.”

“What did he say?” Daiki asked. Yuto, who was standing over Yabu’s shoulder to also read the answers, gave a recap.

“Well, the question was ‘the girl you like gets yelled at while at work, what do you do’, right? Chinen said that he wouldn’t do anything and just let her get yelled at, because if she messed something up she should know she was wrong.” 

Keito’s mouth also fell open, Takaki letting out a low whistle.

“Of course you’re last, Chinen!” Daiki told him, while Yamada absolutely lost it in laughter next to him at Chinen’s awful answer. “You can’t expect people to vote for an answer like that!” 

Chinen just shrugged. Inoo knew Chinen didn’t care about the segment, not even in the joking way that the others did, though if he was in the mood he would sometimes play along. 

“I don’t care. That’s how I would feel, anyway.” He was still looking at his phone. “I don’t want to date a girl, so what does it matter?”

Inoo’s breath stopped in his chest, looking up sharply at Chinen. A quick scan with his peripherals told him that all of them were looking at Chinen. Chinen seemed to sense it, finally glancing up, though he didn’t look in the least bit fazed.

“You don’t like girls?” Hikaru asked. His voice held that innocent curiosity that he was so good at, a little careful but still casual. 

“I don’t like anyone.” Chinen answered. 

“Anyone?” Yabu asked. He sounded surprised, fully surprised, and Chinen nodded. 

“I’ve never really had those, you know,” he waved a flippant hand, “feelings. There’s nothing wrong with me. I just don’t want to date anyone.” 

“Really? Never?” Yuto sounded doubtful, but it didn’t seem to sway Chinen’s confidence in the slightest. 

“I have my friends. I… I have you guys. That’s good enough for me, honestly.” 

Inoo felt himself smiling, just a bit, the grin growing as Chinen met his eyes and gave a small smile back. It wasn’t until he got the direct eye contact that Inoo saw that Chinen was nervous, despite how well he was hiding it. 

“That’s not fair!” Takaki exclaimed, breaking the serious mood that had fallen. “Now you’re never going to have a dating rumor!” 

“Maybe you need to just learn to keep it in your pants, Yuya.” Chinen retorted, and the entire room burst into laughter. 

“Don’t underestimate Friday and Shukan Bunshun.” Daiki declared, and while the sentence was said like a joke, it was serious, too. “Matsuko Deluxe will just happen to move into Chinen’s apartment building, and then the two of them will have dating rumors by the end of the week.”

That made the whole group laugh again, even Chinen giggling this time. Chinen explained it all a bit more, the concept of asexuality; his lack of sexual attraction. Apparently he’d known it about himself for a while, but hadn’t had a word for it until recently. He said that the realization that something was different about him came when he overheard two classmates talking about finding something sexy, and realized they weren’t joking. 

“You thought being sexy was a joke?” Yuto asked, bewildered. 

“I knew it was a thing, but…” Chinen shrugged. “I didn’t think someone actually saw a butt and like… Wanted to grab it.”

“But you’ve grabbed my butt!” Yabu exclaimed.

“Okay, but you know what I mean. I didn’t get that, aside from aesthetics, people found other people… Distracting, or attractive, or like, got some kind of physical reaction. I just don’t experience any of that.”

“But what if, say, you like someone and want to date them, but don’t want any of the rest of it?” Hikaru asked. He was frowning a little, but it wasn’t a frown of any kind of disapproval, more of a frown that showed the effort with which he was trying to understand Chinen’s explanation. 

“I learned about that too, trying to figure this stuff out.” Chinen said with a nod. “That’s different. That’s romantic, but I don’t feel much of that either, if I’m being honest. Dating seems like…” He threw his head back with a dramatic sigh. “Like a hassle?”

Inoo found himself nodding, reminded of Takumi, Chinen catching the motion and laughing a bit at him. 

“But it’s like I said. I’m not lonely, or like… Sad about it. I have my friends, and my family, and you guys. It’s just who I am. And I’m happy.” Chinen was smiling, a genuine and carefree sort of smile, and Inoo found it impossible not to smile back. Daiki got up, walking over to Chinen to ruffle his hair, something Chinen didn’t even protest to.

“Then we’re happy too.” He said, and Chinen laughed. 

So, Inoo decided. It was that easy. That had been such a good, calm interaction with all of them, the same kind of thing he wanted when he came out to the group. He just had to set the stage in a similar way; have everyone in the group there, and in a relatively positive mood, then say something to get their attention. 

Unfortunately, it seemed that as soon as he’d come to that decision, the universe decided to make it impossible. The group had a double A-side single coming out in a little over a month, but both  _ AinoArika  _ and  _ Aisureba Motto Happy Life _ still needed their music videos filmed, they were halfway through recording their third album, and were already starting talks about their summer tour. Work life seemed to explode, and if the group were all in the same place at the same time it was because they had a task to complete, or it was only brief, or someone was in a bad mood. The perfect time just wasn’t dropping itself into Inoo’s lap, and as nervous as he was to actually come out, it was starting to frustrate him. It had been almost a year since he’d felt ready to make this step, and he wanted to actually accomplish it before the year ended.

The single dropped in February, the  _ S3ART  _ album dropped in June, and in August, concerts began. Concerts presented a unique environment. Concerts always got everyone pumped up, and while they were exhausting, they were incredibly uplifting and enheartening too, everyone in a sleepily happy mood when returned to their hotel rooms. It wasn’t strange to get hugs, affectione pats on the back, or an “I love you” tacked on to the end of a goodnight wish from any and all of the members. It seemed like a good time, Inoo thought, to come out. He just needed his moment. 

The tour was wrapping up in October, with three full days at Yokohama Arena. They’d performed at Yokohama so many times that being in and around the large building was incredibly familiar, the need for preparation minimal. It was day two of three, everyone dressed in their gold and sparkly starting outfits and ready to get out there and put on a good show. Hikaru called the huddle, everyone putting a hand in, and his eyes traveled around the circle, trying to decide who he would pick to hype them up. He’d had his fun, on this tour, giving the job of shouting random things to different members to see what they would do. This time, his eyes landed on Inoo. 

The whole group turned their eyes to Inoo too. Inoo knew this probably wasn’t the time, or the place, but they were words he’d been wanting to say—words he’d been trying to say—for almost a year. 

“I’ve been… There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you guys for a while, and I think I finally…” He stopped himself. They didn’t have time for this. He could feel his face burning, the confession all but bursting from his chest. “I’m gay. And I wanted to tell everyone.” 

Shock. Identical looks of shock were on every single one of their faces, even from Takaki and Daiki, and Inoo felt a rock drop into his stomach. Nobody was responding. Nobody was saying  _ anything. _

“Go! It’s time to go!” Their head manager was exclaiming at them, waving his arms, and sure enough; the music had already started. They had to run to their places, dropping their hands and hurrying off. Daiki caught his eye as he passed, but whatever it was he was trying to convey, Inoo couldn’t decipher it. 

Thankfully, due to all of his years of practice, Inoo was good at just putting on a face and being a performer. Unfortunately, so were the rest of his bandmates. Inoo couldn’t for the life of him tell if the smiles given to him and silly interactions he had with the members during the concert were acceptance, or just them putting on a show because it was their job. The only person not really doing that was Keito, but he was just looking vaguely concerned and confused, and that was pretty standard for him anyway, so Inoo couldn’t infer anything from that, either. 

Nobody said anything about it. Not onstage in passing, not backstage while changing. It was freaking Inoo out. By the time the concert began winding down he was actually dreading it ending, because then the distraction of it would be over and he would--ironically--have to face the music. For over two hours his mind had cycled through every single possibility, the negative ones greater in number and much more prominent in his mind, and when their final encore ended and everyone finally filed backstage, his stomach was in so many knots that he almost couldn’t breathe. 

The sensation must have shown on his face because Daiki was over to him in an instant, wrapping an arm around him, and at the comforting touch Inoo was hit with the urge to cry. 

Everyone was quiet, and the majority of them looked awkward, so Inoo took a deep breath. He tried for playful, tried for casual, but his words came out croaking and rough instead. 

“Sorry.” He kept his eyes on his feet. “Bad time, huh?” 

“Yeah, a little bit.” Yabu’s voice, but when Inoo looked up at him, he was smiling. 

“Awful, actually.” Daiki told him, rubbing his arm and grinning up at him through his sweaty bangs, and Inoo choked out a bit of a laugh. They were all sweaty, so sweaty and tired, and he was too.

“So, you’re gay?” Yuto asked. His face looked a bit more thoughtful than Yabu’s had, and Inoo nodded. 

“How long have you known?” Chinen asked. 

“Forever.” Inoo said with a shrug. “My whole life.” 

“And you… Didn’t want to tell us?” Hikaru’s words weren’t accusatory, or sharp in any way. He sounded concerned, sounded worried for him. 

“I…” Inoo felt a lump growing in his throat, as though his body was trying to keep the confession in his chest instead of putting it out in the open. But he pushed through. “I was afraid, I guess.”

Daiki’s grip on him tightened, and that was what did it, tears springing to his eyes. Only one of them actually made it down his cheek, Inoo reaching up to wipe furiously at his face, his voice incriminatingly thick as he tried to laugh it off. 

“Sorry, sorry I’m just—I think I’m tired.” 

“I already knew.” Daiki confessed, bringing the attention off Inoo and onto himself. 

“So did I.” Takaki, who had been standing in the back, spoke up too, and that was obviously a surprise to all of them. Their shocked faces, somehow, made Inoo feel a bit better.

“You?” Yuto asked. 

“I mean, it was an accident. I overheard him talking to Daiki. It’s my fault for eavesdropping, but… Yeah. I’ve known since we debuted.” 

The whole group still seemed to be reeling, Inoo caught off guard completely by an expression he noticed on Yamada’s face. He couldn’t place the emotion, but it obviously wasn’t a good one.

“Is… Is that why you guys…” Yamada trailed off, and for a wild moment Inoo thought he knew about the sneaking around and kissing they’d been doing. But then he realized what Yamada actually meant; if Inoo’s sexuality was why the two of them had acted so distant. He hastened to break that illusion as quickly as he could. 

“No! No.” He said hastily, meeting Takaki’s eyes. For a moment he considered telling them about the phone calls, but the thought was fleeting, and it passed. “Takaki has been so nice to me. I’m very grateful to him.” 

The group seemed to believe him, and for that Inoo was glad. Then Chinen caught Inoo’s eye, and smiled. 

“Thanks for telling us.” He said, but before Inoo could respond he was nearly barreled over by a hug from Keito. It sent him stumbling back, Daiki laughing as he tried to help steady them before simply piling on, and before long Inoo found himself in the middle of a very sweaty, but very affectionate group hug. 

Someone—Hikaru or Yabu, Inoo was so buried he could barely tell—started up a chorus of “We love you Inoo!” that every one of them lent their voices to, Inoo trying not to let the members see the new tears that escaped his eyes when he heard them. It wasn’t the perfect coming out that Inoo had been hoping for, but he was more than happy to take it. 

The group dissolved into a mess once the chorus of affections turned into a bit of a chant, Inoo clutching at his chest in laughter and begging them to stop. Yuto kept it up all the way to their shared hotel room, his arm around Inoo’s shoulders, but Inoo didn’t comment much on it; Yuto was tired and giggly and it was funny to watch him. 

Yuto crashed onto his bed as soon as they got there, whining about how he needed to shower but was just too tired, when Inoo’s phone rang. It was Takaki, Inoo answering. 

“Hey.” Takaki greeted, Inoo grinning despite himself, beginning to walk towards the door to the balcony.

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“I’m doing alright.” Inoo answered, slipping outside and sliding the door closed behind him. “I mean, I’m tired.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Inoo let his shoulders sag. He felt exhausted, but it wasn’t so much a physical, just-finished-a-concert feeling. The stress of waiting over two hours for the members to say something had worn him out so thoroughly that he just wanted to nestle somewhere warm, close his eyes, and not move for a good couple of days. 

“You did it, though. Congratulations.” Takaki said, and Inoo smiled a little.

“Thanks.” He thought over the moment again, something sticking in his mind. “Hey, when you told everyone you already knew, you said you’d been eavesdropping. Was that true? I always thought you'd just walked up at exactly the wrong time.” 

“I mean…” Takaki’s voice sounded slightly evasive. “I wasn’t standing there for very long. Only as long as it took for Daiki to notice me.” 

“But… You were standing there.” 

“Well, you two were kind of standing in front of the door. Besides, you know how it is, when you hear someone you don’t know very well say your name. When you can tell people are talking about you.”

Inoo couldn’t help but admit that yes, that was fair. He probably would have done the exact same thing. Takaki seemed to misread his silence, though. 

“Sorry.” He said after a moment, and Inoo shook his head, despite knowing that Takaki couldn’t see him. 

“Nah. I mean, it might have been for the better. It’s not like I hate where we’ve ended up.” 

That made Takaki laugh a little, the amusement still in his voice when he spoke again. 

“We’re all on the same floor, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“There’s a vending machine down by the end of the hall. Can we meet there?” 

For maybe the first time in his life, Inoo wasn’t really in the mood. He’d just come out, proud to be himself, letting his friends see him for who he really was; he didn’t want to go back to sneaking around just yet. He wanted a good twenty-four hours, at least. 

“We should be getting to bed.” He said instead, but Takaki wasn’t hearing it.

“It’ll be really quick, I promise. I just want to tell you something.”

“But we’re talking right now!” 

“Come on, Kei.” The use of his first name was so surprising that it took all of the fight out of him. “Meet me.” 

Then Takaki hung up, Inoo feeling like he had no choice but to try. Yuto was in the shower when he reentered the room, Inoo able to slip out the door without anyone asking questions. The vending machine in question was a ways down the hall from his room, closer to Takaki’s than his, so Takaki beat him there. Takaki held out a hand and pulled Inoo in, the vending machine blocking them from the view of the hallway’s video camera.

Takaki didn’t kiss him though, as Inoo expected. He just smiled down at him for a moment, putting his hands on Inoo’s waist.

“I didn’t really get to talk to you while it was all happening, so I just wanted to say… I’m proud of you, that’s all. It was really brave, what you did.” 

“You could have told me that over the phone, you know.” Inoo said, trying to keep his tone dry, but the words, and how genuinely Takaki had said them had his voice emotional, and almost painfully affectionate. Takaki seemed to pick up on it, still smiling as he shrugged, rubbing slightly at the fabric of Inoo’s shirt with his thumbs. 

“Yeah, I know. It just seemed better this way, that’s all.” 

It almost hurt, in that moment, just how endeared to Takaki Inoo felt. Though he’d planned on not doing it, Inoo couldn’t help himself now, reaching up to touch the sides of Takaki’s face, pulling him in for a kiss. 

Takaki kissed him back, and the kiss was soft, sweet and gentle and achingly romantic, Takaki reaching up to touch Inoo’s cheek. They pulled back from each other, Inoo sliding his arms around Takaki instead to hug him, Takaki chuckling a little as he wrapped his arms around Inoo in kind, the sound soft and warm, pulling Inoo in close, and Inoo let his eyes close. He had a wonderful family, he had the best group of friends in the world, and in that moment, he had Takaki Yuya, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you for reading ♡ This was just Part 1, Part 2 will be in Takaki's POV, and I'll start posting it next week, so please look out for it!


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